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Is my girlfriend losing interest?

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DaveTripper

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 1, 2008
Messages
119
Ok so I was typing out a long story about how me and my girlfriend (both 23 years old) have been together for a year and the past year has been absolutely amazing and I'm amazed how close I've let myself become with someone else - I was in a really isolated situation before she came long (using drugs, not hanging out with my friends, etc... all of that has ended now). But as I was typing that my girlfriend called me and she asked what I was doing and I told her I was on this site reading about people wondering if their s/o was losing interest and she reassured me that that is NOT the case and that I'm wasting my time. She said that if she was losing interest in me I would know and that she would tell me as she wouldn't want to put me through that. At the end of the conversation she asked me if I trusted her and I said yes. This was definitely reassuring, but I still want to post on here what I was feeling that made me come on here in the first place:

In the past couple of days I've been dealing with a lot of stress from my family about my life being sort of in a standstill. I got off of opiates a year ago and since then I haven't really progressed forward in life, mainly because I deal with a lot of social anxiety. I have a job and I do socialize, and people say I seem completely normal when I AM socializing, but it just feels very uncomfortable for me. Anyway, my parents have been urging me to go back to college and get a degree and get a better paying job so I can attain some sort of "successfulness" in my life, and while I agree with them, it's just super stressful hearing that my position in life right now kind of sucks.

So I think that stress has sort of been leaking into my relationship as I've been feeling like I don't offer my girlfriend that much other than myself. I don't have a lot of money, I don't have my own place, and I don't have a path to GET those things right now. So I've been kind of feeling down on myself and feeling like my girlfriend could probably get a lot better (she's an absolute show-stopper). I do talk to her about all of this and she tells me to look at it the other way around: My girlfriend is pretty much in the same position as me, working at a grocery store as an office manager, no real path to a future career, and she really only has herself to offer to me... that's what she said. So I guess what she's saying is that she's happy with having "me" and I know I'm happy with having "her". But this stress has been making me over-think everything she does, like, if she's tired one night after work and she's not in the mood to have sex, I'll end up thinking that she's not interested in me sexually or whatever. That's one thing that kind of gets to me because we both work pretty late every night (she gets out at 8-9pm, and I get out at 9 or 10pm every night), and she is the type of person to just get really tired after a long day of work and pass out early. She's been like that throughout the entire relationship. She has a hard time staying awake for movies after work and we joke about how she has narcolepsy lol.

Idk, I have a tendency to over-think things a lot, so, most of this is probably in my head. I just really want to be with this girl for a long time and I could see us going a long way together... I just hope she feels the same. The last year went by SO FAST together, I can't believe it. In the beginning she was just another girl that I was hanging out with while I was on drugs, and now, I've fallen so hard for her. She probably saved my life.

What do you guys think?
 
Granted, I don't know the full details of your situation, but from what you are describing it sounds like you are simply letting stress get to you. It sounds like you are just beating yourself up, convincing yourself you are not good enough, almost being paranoid.
 
It sounds like she's pretty interested. But if you don't stop this insecurity, she won't be.
 
Tude said:
It sounds like she's pretty interested. But if you don't stop this insecurity, she won't be.
Click to expand...

Yeah, well that's another thing I'm worried about. I want to just let this go because I know it annoys her when I constantly bring up my fears of her possibly losing interest in me. I can see that she get's stressed about it. So, I guess I should just not bring it up anymore even if I may be feeling that way?
 
Yeah, I'd say don't bring it up anymore. But you also gotta figure out why you feel this way in the first place. Maybe talk to a counselor? Good luck!
 
You are definitely blowing things up in your mind and it's a direct result of all of the things that are stressing you out. I can relate completely. I am, and always have been, an overthinker. I always try to think of things in every way possible. I am also my own worst critic and when I am feeling down on myself it's very hard to convince myself that others aren't as well. It's a vicious cycle that is hard to break.

If you love this girl and you trust her then you should believe what she tells you. I know how impossible it feels but maybe offer yourself some distractions away from the stress so you can put it in the back of your mind. Maybe try writing in a journal. Sometimes I try to write about the things that are bothering me, why they are bothering me, and what things can I do to take away some of the burden or start solving the problem (this is the hardest part). Setting small goals can help, if you want to go back to school then dedicate 15 minutes a day to researching different schools, the next step would be to make a small list of where you want to apply...etc etc. Short term goals are much easier to attain than trying to tackle the big picture all at once.
 
Well I guess it's good to hear, in a way, that I'm just over-complicating things and pretty much just making things up. @ Tude, I do see a therapist (tomorrow actually) and I'm definitely going to be talking to her about this... hopefully I'll be able to just let it all out and get over it.

The part that stings is like, when I analyze the smallest little things she does and turn them into something that might be wrong with me. Here's an example: Tonight after work we got together at my house and she was sitting at the end of my bed while I was lying down and we both were just watching TV but not saying much for a couple of minutes. Of course, I start thinking, "Why is she sitting at the end of the bed and not cuddling with me like she normally does? Does she not want to be here?" etc etc... I did the smart thing and I didn't voice my thoughts out loud because I just didn't want to bring it up again.
 
I'm glad you're going to see someone about this. It takes strength to do so, strength not everyone possesses. I hope you get this worked out!
 
Tude said:
It sounds like she's pretty interested. But if you don't stop this insecurity, she won't be.
Click to expand...


word!

insecurity is unnattractive and you need to dump it or risk slowly turning your relationship sour over a long time period. you gave up opiates, have a job, a social support network and a girlfriend- its time to be thankful and stop letting your parents push their dreams on you. how old are you?
 
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