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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

is it still possible to feel good?

yeah. i only feel comfortable on the drugs, that is what seems like real life to me, and being sober seems like a really unpleasant, fake existance

and yes, i know how messed up that is :/
 
†∆†;8941193 said:
Hey guys, I've posted on TDS with a similar question/situation before, and everyone has been great and given me some good suggestions, which I'm very thankful for. This post, albeit in the same vein as my previous ones, I think deserves it's own thread.

Basically, I've been climbing the stimulant ladder for the past two or so years (started on ADHD meds, you know the deal,) and eventually started doing several grams of coke per week just to feel like I care about ANYTHING. I'm TERRIFIED that, at just 16 years old, I've felt as good as I'll ever feel, and that without these drugs I'll never feel any motivation again, terrified that I won't be able to deal with life that feels dulled out by sobriety...

I can't believe I've fucked myself over so early in life
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Well, the brain is a highly adaptable organ and at 16, I believe you have anywhere from 3-9 years of high neuroplasticity left to retrain it. I don't know how you get off stimultants (i.e., taper down or just stop) but if you do, your brain will most likely recover well. I understand your anxiety and it's one of the bases of addiction, i.e., the drug use makes your brain adapt so that you think it's a matter of life and death (survival instinct) to use or not use the drug. So I'd look at it positively: rather than think about what you've done by age 16, think about how long you have down the road to recover. I feel recovering at age 16 is a lot easier than recovering at age 38 (which I did, starting my addiction at around age 35).

But either way, as many people have said, sobriety is a high in and of itself and if you've reached the point of "being sick and tired of sick and tired". I think you're on the right track with these questions.
 
†∆†;8949459 said:
yeah. i only feel comfortable on the drugs, that is what seems like real life to me, and being sober seems like a really unpleasant, fake existance

and yes, i know how messed up that is :/
Click to expand...

You really should consider going to rehab.
 
†∆†;8950170 said:
yeah, rite.

i'd rather be dead than completely sober.

yeah, i said it.
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that being stated - time to start moving in that direction. Do you get any help , therapy ? Rehab can be over whelming and drastic, maybe you aren't at that place but starting to head down some self help roads would certainly help bro.
 
Hi TAT. I think you should find something you enjoy, something else than a drug, and quick, so that you can rely on this thing once you stop taking stuff. That "thing" may be a person, a hobby, or planing a huge travel in a foreign country (best choice, IMO, but of course, this is a hard one, as you'll need much money). Once you get this, you may be less scared of a life without drug (or with less drug).
 
†∆†;8950170 said:
yeah, rite.

i'd rather be dead than completely sober.

yeah, i said it.
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All right, I'll bite.

So why ask the question you asked, whether it's still possible to feel good, if you've made up your mind this much?
 
bluedom said:
All right, I'll bite.

So why ask the question you asked, whether it's still possible to feel good, if you've made up your mind this much?
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i don't know if i REALLY feel that way or not, but everything just feels so overwhelming that i am terrified of moving away from the one thing that i can count on to make me feel good and not hurt me!
 
†∆†;8950991 said:
i don't know if i REALLY feel that way or not, but everything just feels so overwhelming that i am terrified of moving away from the one thing that i can count on to make me feel good and not hurt me!
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Well, I learnt this lesson the hard way but I appreciate those who kept repeating it to me anyway even when I wasn't listening, so I'll pay it forward:

You need to do the one thing you don't want to do, and that is to not trust yourself, your cocaine addled brain (no need to mince words here, right?), and trust others who either care about you or who have no real vested interest (like us). You just have to let go and jump and hope everything will turn out okay. You probably do need rehab level help. I'm pretty sure you can't do this alone and you need to let go, surrender, whatever. I hope you have someone who really cares about you (like your parents perhaps) who's a nonuser and you go to them and tell them you'll do what they say no questons asked. Give it 6-12 months.

If you don't agree with what I am saying now, that's okay. You will reach the point of being sick and tired of sick and tired when you will do this. Or perhaps you will indeed succumb to the addiction. Good luck to you bro!
 
I really don't want to patronise you but you are simply not old enough to have the maturity to understand how the ebb and flow of life truly works.

I'm not saying you are not intelligent, or that you don't have a degree of maturity but the bottom line is that you are at least 2-3 years from being fully grown and until then, your brain is still developing. You certainly have psychological issues that need to be addressed but with absolutely no offence intended, statements such as 'I'd rather be dead than completely sober' are coming from a position of immaturity.

Many, many people suffer severe depression/dysphoria/whatever as adolescents but the majority 'grow out of it' or learn to manage these conditions effectively.

The bottom line is that you need to accept that you haven't progressed far enough along your lifespan to be making definite statements about things like life and death. You're going to (literally) grow significantly over the next few years and could end up anywhere from a happy person with a treatment-managed mental disorder to a perfectly 'normal' person. Don't throw it away now (sorry if that sounds like emotionally charged bullshit).

You need to get yourself in front of a shrink and see what they can offer you. You don't have to do this through your parents (although that would help). Shit, you don't even have to quit the blow. If you feel as bad as you say you do, you've got nothing to lose by giving it a shot but you really should seek help.

Just to give you the obligatory personal story: when I was 18, I was suffering so severely from anxiety and depression that literally the only way I could cope was to sit under the shower and count the tiles in the bathroom. I couldn't go out or do anything at all. Someone dragged me to a psychiatrist and after one session, I was able to function as a relatively 'normal' human being. Our circumstances are obviously different but I'm just trying to convey the fact that there are myriad options for treatment and if you try, you will get better.

Good luck.
 
Hey buddy at 16 I recovered from my cocaine habit that lasted for over 2 years.
Lemme tell you something, I once feared the same thing that you fear. During the time I was able to sober myself up from cocaine/meth/E I was actually not as miserable as I thought I would be. Yeah I had cravings, some days where better than others but that's normal.
The day I stopped feeling bad for myself was the day I became better.

If it makes you feel any better I'm 17, so you can talk to me I guess. I won't lecture you, or at least I will try not to. I'm pretty much going though what you are going though, except this time I'm battle heroin addiction. & as soon as got out of that I went straight back to Coke. & I'm abusing my adhd meds too. :/ Yeah, druggies are the biggest preachers. I know I sound like a hypocrite but honestly everything I said comes from the heart. I don't want anyone else go though the stuff I did.

Much Love.
No Judge.
Stay Safe is all I ask.
Don't be scared to PM me if you need to talk.
 
†∆†;8950991 said:
i don't know if i REALLY feel that way or not, but everything just feels so overwhelming that i am terrified of moving away from the one thing that i can count on to make me feel good and not hurt me!
Click to expand...

Part of that is just being a teenager. Your brain and your emotions literally haven't finished maturing yet. And that part of it will pass with time.

Pretty much everything seems overwhelming at some point during the transition from childhood to adulthood - it's a time of new experiences and their unfamiliarity gives them a unique rawness when you first encounter them. It's a time of emotional intensity, both good and bad - and often both together.

But that intensity isn't sustainable longterm - it becomes destructive when there's no respite from it in much the same way that the highs of mania or amphetamines ultimately turn into soul-destroying lows if you're always chasing the intensity.

That doesn't mean that your life can't have plenty of highs - it can - just that you can't sustain that day in day out without something eventually giving way. As in all other things in life, balance is the key.
 
You're just being a teenager. Its a phase. It happens. It will end, for most people. It part of growing up. I'm still a little bitch sometimes, but hey, most of the time I'm not. I still act like a child, but its not all the time.
 
You caught it so early!

Don't be so hard on yourself. Catching it at such a young age is remarkable.
 
The sooner you get off that shit, the better. Uppers really do a lot of damage to the central nervous system. When I stopped speed, I was still having a lot of paranoid delusions for a long time.. stuff like thinking people could hear my thoughts and such. I do agree that a person is never quite the same again, but you're not totally outta luck.. you're still young and you've got time! Interesting though, taking ADD meds as a kid is what set the course.. that's what got me started on that road as well. I didn't necessarily understand why I felt invincible, like I was flying.. I just knew that it felt so wonderful and it was something in those magic little blue and orange capsules that was giving me that feeling.

There are other things that can make you feel really fucking good without drugs.. you just have to find what you're passionate about! Cheers, man.
 
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