I have panic disorder. I take benzos when I fly off the handle, and to sleep at night (my anxiety and OCD keeps me awake with weird thoughts). I don't hang on to them myself because I will take them at the slightest little nudge of anxiety which is not how I want it to be. The person that holds them for me knows my warning signs when I am about to have an extreme panic attack and will administer them to me .5mg of xanax at a time. When nightime comes I take my nightime dose. Most of the time I don't need any of the emergency doses.
But anyways that gets the thread of topic. To speedballs over. It is good to have a lot of posts. There are many people here that can humanize the clinical HR advice. I for one have taken 400mg of valium and know how bad it gets, so I posted my experience. Mad Dash makes a very good point in saying that if only two people post not to do it, it may seem okay still. If there is overwhelming opposition to what the OP is trying to do, just maybe one of the posts will really resonate with her and make her think a little more, and really take an inventory of her life and question why she thought it was a good idea in the first place.
To OP. Above all else, be careful. You are young and wild...just like I was. I have health problems now because of my use. Benzo abuse and opiate abuse has affected my short term memory fairly bad. I have liver damage, and my mental health problems have gotten worse. Just keep that in mind if you want to continue using in this way.