• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

Is it possible to live a solitary life and be happy?

mal3volent said:
No its pretty much always been this way. As a kid I spent a lot of time with my older brother and some of his friends but didn't really interact with them all that much. Never bothered to have any of my own, I mean, there might have been one here or there...might have went to a birthday party now and then but for the most part I had school and once I was home that was it. And I was okay with that. In high school I socialized, but mostly that was just a side effect of drinking or getting high. I had a group of "friends" but really they were just people who I used in some way to score or people I fucked around with who I liked but didn't mean that much to me at the end of the day. I didn't have to invest anything, and I was still a loner for the most part. Sexually, I was pretty miserable during this period because I lived in a small town and people do not take kindly to the gays here. There were only a couple of guys at my school who were open about it but they were a little too flamboyant for me. I did some things with girls but obviously never felt very satisfied.

Toward the end of high school and a few years after, I did meet a guy that I had genuine feelings for. This was the best and worst part of my life. I go into great detail about it here. You can read all about it if you want. I said earlier I had never felt love. I wanted to love this guy but I knew it could never be reciprocated so it was more of a one sided infatuation or obsession. Its been a couple of years since I've seen him. That whole experience left me feeling more cynical and distant than ever before.

Since then I've moved on a little. Started to do a few more positive things but still have a long way to go. Maybe I'm just scarred from the bad experiences in my past and that has contributed to the way I feel now. Maybe I've always been this way. Hard to say.
Click to expand...

now its gay issues i can answer this MUCH better.

being gay is annoying and i'm speaking from experience. the opportunities are harder to find, you have to psych yourself up more but also you have to make it clear you are gay which unless you act camp and have stupid hair (just look on POF to see what i mean) is very hard.

you need to go to a big city and you just have a higher chance of meeting more gays. you have to get out and meet people just for the lolz.

its very frustrating having a one sided obsession with a straight dude, when you feel shit its a form of punishment to go after something you cannot have, also what you cannot have is always the most attractive thing.

to avoid this you need to get out and meet hot gays. go on date via internet or go out with friends/acquaintances to gay bars. you will meet gays there.

if you dont put yourself out there or make some concerted effort nothing will come of it.

having read that thing about your ex friend- he's a dick. and you know it. move on and avoid him. teenage feelings are strong but so too should be your ego and you should think " why let this asshole control my emotions?"

get out and get chatting to real gays.
 
Last edited:
Yes its possible. Some people even thrive by doing so. Wish i could but the energy i get from interaction i cannot get otherwise.
 
Bearlove said:
Yes its possible ? If 'you' seek a life of solitude and you think this will bring you happiness then of course if you follow that path. Does the fact that your asking the question to a random group of people not suggest you actually enjoy the input of suggestions from society ?

Does not asking a group of people - Can I be happy alone a bit of an oxymoron ?
Click to expand...

You clearly either didn't read or didn't comprehend what I was saying. Though I (like most everyone) have criticisms for society as a whole, my aim here was not to suggest I want to be removed from society, but removed from intimate relationships in particular. I actually spelled that out in one of my posts. Your response seems quite reactionary. Why in the fuck would you come into a thread made by someone seeking opinions on a serious matter when you aren't even willing to educate yourself on what it is they're asking? That's a waste of both our time. And no, asking a group of people if I can be happy alone is not an oxymoron. I think the word you were looking for was something more like "paradox"...but that doesn't really fit either. Perhaps crack open a dictionary before slinging mud at someone next time.

@pofacedhoe... Thanks for the suggestions. It would definitely help my odds being in a larger city where I could theoretically have more options. I guess theres a chance I would meet someone that changed my perspective and attitude on intimacy altogether. Thats definitely a possibility. I just dont know though. My fear is that I have a problem with intimacy itself or that I have built up the walls in my mind so high that I could never get over them and just end up pushing everyone I meet away....thus perpetuating the cycle.

@dcypha... Thats precisely the distinction I was hoping to convey. I know that I could live a content life alone/solitary/without intimacy, as in getting by day to day. Thats pretty much what I do now. It is something completely different to be happy and fulfilled. I know I've talked to people before who believe finding someone is an integral part of achieving that. Thanks for emphasizing that.
 
T. Calderone said:
Having no human interaction I imagine could get lonely but I don't believe you need a long term companion to have a fulfilling life. I think at the end of the day, if you're not happy with yourself then your relationships will suffer and you're better off living alone.
Click to expand...

Well said. I know people who are single and are not in any sort of relationship or partnership, or dating or sleeping with anyone even though they have done this in the past, and they're happy and content as being happy comes from within and not from another person or because of being in a relationship or partnership. They still go out socially with friends and into public places like bars, cafes, restaurants, stores, etc. so they're not hermits or completely cut off from all human contact and they do have friends and acquaintances so they have a social life or social interaction with people in person.
 
You don't need one person to make you happy, make your life fulfilled.

You still should have social interaction. Friends, family, coworkers, whatever.
 
I?ve been diagnosed with asperger syndrome, with the one major advantage. I can easily spot it items in abstract images. I?ve always enjoyed my solitude since I can remember, beginning at age 6. Now that i?m Retired, I no longer have to FORCE myself to socialize with others. For the first time in my life i?ve Found contentment in the solitary life. I agree word for word with mal3volent.
 
Being happy isn;t dependent on other people. Another big question is "Could I ever be truly happy with someone else?" It's a big enough task making yourself happy. So, do that first. That'll make you well adjusted enough to appeal to someone else. Then, being with them is another thing entirely. It's a big question, and I doubt any of us has the definitive answer. If we did, we'd be millionaires and not trying to band together over here ;)
 
PriestTheyCalledHim said:
Well said. I know people who are single and are not in any sort of relationship or partnership, or dating or sleeping with anyone even though they have done this in the past, and they're happy and content as being happy comes from within and not from another person or because of being in a relationship or partnership. They still go out socially with friends and into public places like bars, cafes, restaurants, stores, etc. so they're not hermits or completely cut off from all human contact and they do have friends and acquaintances so they have a social life or social interaction with people in person.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I went through a time where I cut off dating altogether and focused on learning to love myself better. It's still good to interact with family and force yourself out of the house. Social anxiety and being an introvert will make you want to isolate and shut off completely from the world. It may seem like heaven for a certain amount of time, but you will forget what it's like to be "human" and how to act around others. Something as simple as stepping out of the front door will become frightening. Agoraphobia is a bitch. Been there, done that. You have to fight it.

Romantic Relationships: I'm very happy in my relationship, but I only see him on the weekends so it works out perfectly. I can spend time with him and then go back home to have my alone time.

I echo others who say people drain them. Taking time away to recharge is absolutely necessary.

I don't know if I could ever have the type of relationship where I'm married or living with someone every single day. It would make me feel suffocated having another person constantly in my space.
 
pofacedhoe said:
i would say that if you cannot be happy on your own what good will you be to someone else?
Click to expand...

PREACH!

You can't give what you don't have. Once you become happy on your own and love yourself, you won't be so quick to jump into just any ol' kind of relationship. No one person is responsible for your happiness. They can add to it.

It was a hard lesson to learn throughout the years, but worth it.
 
Cogari said:
Being happy isn;t dependent on other people. Another big question is "Could I ever be truly happy with someone else?" It's a big enough task making yourself happy. So, do that first. That'll make you well adjusted enough to appeal to someone else. Then, being with them is another thing entirely. It's a big question, and I doubt any of us has the definitive answer. If we did, we'd be millionaires and not trying to band together over here ;)
Click to expand...

"Could I ever truly be happy with someone else?" Hmmm...while in the pits of a suicidal depression, I would say no. Or maybe happy at first, but it would not last long. If people think they don't deserve love or that they aren't good enough, then they won't be able to receive love and won't know how to truly love someone else.

I definitely don't have all the answers and still learning, but changing negative thought patterns will change your entire life. It's not easy, it takes a lot of work every day. Then again, there are some people who don't really want to be happy.

Hi btw. :)
 
Exactly, it's a very difficult thing on it's own, to be happy with someone else and account for them while having your own mind to deal with. It's a matter of understanding the person, knowing yourself well enough to go forward, and understanding that bad times happen and it's important to rise above them. *Shrug* some people don't like to be happy, the only solution is to avoid them. Because they'll weigh you down, and there's no reason to be around for that.

Hello :)
 
I don't know, tried it, still haven't gotten use to this "being an adult" shit. I'm happy high so well...do what you have to do to get through your day and try to fall asleep before the over-thinking kills you.
 
I'm in my mid-thirties and have never so much as kissed anyone.
I've mostly convinced myself I don't care, but I can't deny the fact that every year I'm less happy than the year before and spend more time dwelling on how nice it would be to have someone.
 
CoastTwoCoast said:
I don't know if I could ever have the type of relationship where I'm married or living with someone every single day. It would make me feel suffocated having another person constantly in my space.
Click to expand...

Yeah same here.

The best relationships I've had was where there was a balance of being together and being alone.
 
^ I'm still trying to find that balance, but what happened in my relationship is I neglected my introvert needs and became totally emotionally drained, even from seeing him every weekend. I've taken a break from the relationship and if I go back to it, there will have to be boundaries set. I told him there can't be any guilt-trips if I need more time to myself. Or if he can't handle it, it won't work. He seems to want to make it work.

As introverts, we have to be protective of our energy and who we give it to. Crashing and burning is awful.
 
pofacedhoe said:
how do you get that though?
Click to expand...

I wish I knew. Probably why they didn't last and I'm on my own, I think inevitably one party will want to 'progress' to living together. It makes sense financially; I just have a hard time doing it.

Apparently it's somewhat common in Scandinavian countries, there's even a word for it: Sarbo - "1. noun: A person to whom one is romantically committed, but unmarried and living apart."
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top