is it possible that things have gotten TOO EASY!?!?

havent used in quite sometime; well, sometime to me is a few months but to others maybe years or so. but yes, I was a super junked out motherfucker! shooting a G+/day - whether it be in the bathroom at the office, a local Dunkin Donuts, or on my couch, a needle was always there w/ me and usually would be in my arm! just thinking that was only a few months back blows my mind! I feel SO OVER IT and fee like its been years and years.. but it hasnt! and I need to realize that its only been a few months.. although it feels like a few years!

I get worried that I am finding this time around too easy to stay sober!? why!? where was this the last 10yrs of my life, when I would shoot dope EVERY FUCKING DAY and be absolutely miserable and put myself in such a fucking HOLE IN LIFE! but lets fast forward 3 months and here I am now feeling like I am on top of the world and have this drug game all figured out, ha.

I started on 16MG/bupe because I had to do a mandatory 2 week DUI program; so I saw a bupe Dr. the week before I went away because I needed to get through that program or it was back to jail! well, the program was easy and the bupe kept me sane/alive. the day I got out I shot dope and woke up 8hrs later on the floor, ha. maybe 12hrs, I forget. then I shot the rest of the dope I had and woke up ANOTHER 8hrs later. nothing was easy and I was DUMB AS A MOFO! but either way, I used and used.

a month or two went by and come June I decided enough was enough; I was still scripted the bupe and figured I'd give it ANOTHER TRY! I was once 9 months "clean" on bupe but ended up back on dope - this was 3yrs ago! well, here I am now, clean, ON BUPE, and doing great! things seem even easier this time around - it worries me how easy things seem, as you can tell.. esp. since I write a fucking "blog" about it, ya dig!?!?

anyone else out there ever get "clean" and find it easy!? and you start to think back WHY, WHY, WHY!? did you fuck up the way you did. every time I "tried" to be clean I never could and always thought about the drugs or something negative, but this time I am truly happy w/ life, the way I live, who I am with, what I do, etc.

I changed A LOT OF THINGS! maybe this had something to do w/ it.

NEW -
apartment/location
girlfriend
job
friends
hobbies
etc

that is why I am clean, right? or maybe because I am a fucking genius who figured out how to beat this addiction thing.. oh wait, I am addicted to bupe.. my bad! but I am still a genius.

 

I think I might know what you're going through. It sounds like you might be getting bored or maybe you are craving stimulation? Two months ago I quit my morphine habit for a week by tapering while hiking in the Alps. I started the taper a couple of weeks before my trip. Quitting was easy because I tapered. I really missed the fun and extra stimulation from it so I have gone back to 5 days a week and only once a day when I do it which has been easy too so far. I haven't injected for about a year now and no longer crave that. Injecting makes it a lot harder very fast, especially when it's in the form of brown tar so I don't plan to do that again for a while. I'm no longer physically addicted. The only thing I am currently physically addicted to is coffee of all things. If I miss even half a day of that, I'm puking curled up under blankets with a migraine for the next 5 days or until I get more; I now spend more money per week on caffeine than I do on opiates. I have no intention of quitting caffeine either. I drink it for the stimulation and mood elevating properties, same as opiates. Life is harder with habits to maintain.

 

It's called Pink Cloud Syndrome. Your life is getting back on track and you're stoked about it. It's normal, and you should enjoy it, but keep in mind that it (probably) won't last forever. Keep your expectations and outlook in check as best you can, because if one day soon you suddenly have a really bad day/week/weeks you might be thinking "what the fuck happened? Sobriety is pointless." No, sobriety isn't pointless, you're just having the normal ups and downs of life.

 

How old are you? I have known multiple people that could not make it for a month without their DOC earlier in life and then reached a point with age where they found it strangely easier--both mentally and physically. Then again, I have also known a lot of people that never happens to. The former group I would consider lucky. For some of us, age does make it easier to simply appreciate life rather than worrying about our place in it--maybe that's what makes it easier this time around? Whatever it is, I'm just just genuinely happy for you, Brown.

 

will be 33 in a month; ran HARD for the last 4-5 yrs but overall been running since 21 w/ Oxys and whatnot. like you said, it seems I just hit that point where enough is enough; I seriously cannot do it anymore.

I appreciate it, dude.