Is it possible MDMA has actually helped with my depression?

[EmDeeEmAye]

I've been through depression for about 4 years now. Horrible inexplainable depression (could never pin point any reason). Nothing my doctors did helped at all. I was concerned before trying mdma first that it would have a horrible effect on me and put me in a worse state but I went for it because I was depressed and didnt care

So I did MDMA for the first time 2 months ago and did it 3 times in the space of 6 weeks (I know that behaviour isnt recommended on here). Im currently taking a couple month break. Usually my depression has a baseline where I feel ok (but not good) and then I am hit by waves of fairly severe depression. I can hardly do anything, no motivaton or concentration and I feel horribly depressed and hopeless. I struggle to get out of bed and do anything productive. So its waves of that inbetween feeling alright but not great. Alot of the time I cannot even pinpoint the trigger of an episode

I have not had 1 depressive episode since my first time taking MDMA though. I have actually felt really great. It has been 3 weeks since my last time and will be atleast another 7 weeks until my next time I think. So the fact I havent had an episode is making me even happier.

I want to know your guys thoughts on this, is there a possibility this has anything to do with MDMA? I personally do not know, it is the one major change in my life over the past 2 months but I do understand the change in me may well be caused by something else which is completely seperate. There might be 100 possible reasons but I am just curious on your thoughts and maybe some peoples own experiences.

Im just happy Ive had a happy 2 months

Also just to add, I can definitely thank MDMA for one thing and that is to opening me up to new genres of music. I now have the ability to go to an event or club completely sober and have a great time provided someone good is playing. I couldnt do that before MDMA, I had to drink otherwise I just wanted to go home.

 

[angeleyes]

Hi EmDee,

I agree with you in some ways; I think that MD has changed my life for the better in terms of feeling free, breaking down social barriers and boosting my confidence and perception on life.

It's good that you recognize that it shouldn't be done too often in a short amount of time and its even better that you are going to take that long for your serotonin receptors to recover before your next roll; it's gonna be magical.

PLUR

 

[Diloadid]

Just look at your experience as a positive. Try to use with a bit less frequency. It's not that using that frequently isn't tolerated as much as it isn't wise. I think with all my logical thinking capacity that MDMA is a tool that could be used for great things in therapeutic and clinical settings. Just remember that which goes up must come down. And frankly, sometimes you comedown like tower 2 on 9/11 (too soon?)...

 

[laugh]

if there was nothing positive to come from mdma it wouldnt be as popular as it is today.

its cliché but its true;

'what goes up must come down'

and if you have been struggling with depression just be very wary of the rebound effect the positivity that mdma has brought you in the short term may just turn over time.

be conscientious of not going over board and doing the stuff too much. once the 'afterglow' is diminishing and you start getting comedowns instead its time to pull the plug and move on.

all the best

the old hippies broke new ground and found higher consciousness thanks to the aid of psychedelics like psilocybin and lsd. over time the drugs changed from a tool to enlightenment into another a downer with all the ods and deaths psychic break downs negativity etc. they next turned to reaching that new ground that higher enlightenment without the aid of chemicals.

another cliché;

'when you have received the message its time to hang-up the phone'

take what the mdma has shown you and work on implementing it without the chemicals. the high whilst on mdma is artificial its mae by the drug it up to the individual drug user to work towards attaining the high without the substance.

 

[illuXx]

I think yes( or it could just be a wild coincidence) but i still think yes

Yes this is long but when i saw your post i just had to.

Okay well some back story to put this in perspective. Most of my life i was a happy kid without a care in the world, I went through some pretty difficult stuff at some points but it rly never got me down. I was and still am considered i suppose a "popular" kid throughout highschool and in college (titles are dumb im really not conceded i swear, all for perspective). well anyway i have been smoking pot and drinking since my freshman year of highschool and doing a little zan, oxy, addy every now and then. Around my senior year I started going a little heavy on the pills. Not overboard rly but id get hammered and snort a bunch of painkillers and loved it a little too much i could tell i was going in the wrong direction with it. One day i dropped about 90 milligrams of concerta and was feeling great than smoked a couple blunts and started having some chest pains. I thought some game of thrones would make me feel a little better so sat to watch that and suffered my first panic attack. i literally thought i was dying on my couch. I was next to a couple of my buds but didnt say anything because i was really high and so were they and i knew theyd just be like dude youre just really high.

well fast forward a little bit- im alive but have since developed a self diagnosed "moderate" anxiety disorder. I have panic attacks followed by bouts of depression. I believed I was suffering from tumors, cancers, parkinsons, early dementia, heart attacks my god the dictionary definition of a hypochondriac. I kept all of this a secret from all of expect for two of my closest friends because if i didnt tell anyone i would explode. And it was getting a bit obvious Because the depression would hit and before this i was just not the guy to pass up a party, just not gunna happen, well the depression would kick in and i would feel so empty, and pointless. I could literally feel what i could only describe as pure fear just settled in the pit of my stomach. Parties were a no expect for some nights where id get just insanely black out drunk and numb out the pain but most nights I couldn't even bear to drink, I turned down a beer for the first time i think since i was 13. now at a young age i had my mother who i loved dearly pass away and one of my favorite uncles a year apart. What i felt back than was NOT EVEN CLOSE to what i was going through at the moment.

Before this episode i had rolled twice. Once on mephedrone and once once on molly that was cut with dxm. Well summer was over and school had started and i was off too college away from family and alot of friends although i go to a school where a ton of my friends did end up so it couldve been worse but the anxiety was at full blast and the depression was killing me. I had no intention on taking meds because i didnt want to become dependent on a substance and just tried to bear with it.

Well to the point of this whole post- november was coming up and one the biggest music festivals in america was headed to my home town. So me and a few friends made the four hour drive down home and got our hands on some pure crystals, or so i was told. i didnt test them because i dont have a tester and this made me very nervous. I thought damn it would be a shame if this stuff kicks in and sends my anxiety off hard and i go into a corner and sulk in my depression. I was more afraid that i would leave the experience in a terrible state of loathing that i would never be able to escape. Well i drop the cap anyway and after about 45 minutes blast off into a sweet euphoric bliss. The experience was MUCH cleaner than my two previous ones. I felt so free and pure and can remeber at one point looking into the beautiful pink clouds and thinking "everything is as it should be, everything is okay" it was like an epiphany of sorts idk it was awesome haha now even through all this i know what goes up must come down and just when the festival was ending I started coming down pretty hard. But not in the way that my depression brings me down imean i felt like shit but i knew it was just because i had abused the hell out of some drugs( i went through about .6-.7 in about 8 hours). I was just really tired and wanted to sleep. Well i fell asleep like a baby and woke up the next day feeling like i could literally do anything and everything i wanted. I felt no need to loathe, no fear of an impending aneurysm that might strike me down. Just felt like living and being-contempt is the word but even more than that. A real after glow i guess. But this afterglow lasted about two-three months.

Its been close to a year since this experience and I have been rolling pretty consistently once every two-three months in a rave or festival setting because im sorry but i just could not imagine using one of my rolls which i view as precious, valuable and limited at my house or a regular old party. No i am not 100% percent anxiety/depression free. But Its seriously like im a new person from a year ago. Im not back to my old self but i am GLAD about this. I was getting a bit arrogant with my drug consumption and really thought i had life pretty figured out. Depression and anxiety showed me that there is a whole different spectrum of actuality thats involved in the human experience. I really dont know how to describe it, an eyeopener i suppose. After mdma my anxiety is a shadow of its former self. The depression is hardly present either. They only sort of show up about a month and a half after my rolls and it sort of plateaus at a low level (like easy to handle levels i can deal with it in public and not skip a beat) and stays like that until i roll again and it pretty much disappears.

It has really given me my life back and i just dont know where id be without it. idk if its for everyone and am not saying it is but this is what IIIIII feel

iknow above i said i didnt want to be dependent on a substance but in my opinion using molly once every 2-3 months is hardly a dependency. compared to popping anti depressants daily. works for some people just not me.

well sorry for the long post but i hope you're future experiences turn out similar to or even better than mine !!

 

[miscbrahh]

at first i thought mdma helped with my depression... but then i realized it was all very shallow. it only made me happy for the duration on the drug and maybe a day or two after. then i'd be back to feeling down all the time

shrooms on the other hand have helped immensely. way more depth to the trip, but they have a definite dark side to it. it left me with a more positive outlook on life though

 

[angeleyes]

And frankly, sometimes you comedown like tower 2 on 9/11 (too soon?)...

Oooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhahahahahaha.

Good points there laugh, I like cliches and taboo puns. :D

 

[F1n1shed]

at first i thought mdma helped with my depression... but then i realized it was all very shallow. it only made me happy for the duration on the drug and maybe a day or two after. then i'd be back to feeling down all the time

shrooms on the other hand have helped immensely. way more depth to the trip, but they have a definite dark side to it. it left me with a more positive outlook on life though

I agree with this , for the most part MDMA always made my depression worse. But there were a few times where i'd actually feel good on the after glow and such, but once i waited a few more days i felt like shit again.

Short answer is, you may get a few after glows where you feel clear headed and at peace with your self. But don't think it can't cause the opposite affect the next roll. MDMA does nothing good for your serotonin neurons, it basically degenerates the serotonin axons and makes them grow out again abnormally. Proceed with caution-

 

[oscthebooklad]

it basically degenerates the serotonin axons and makes them grow out again abnormally. Proceed with caution-

well no, not really.

 

[thelastclubkid]

at first i thought mdma helped with my depression... but then i realized it was all very shallow. it only made me happy for the duration on the drug and maybe a day or two after. then i'd be back to feeling down all the time

shrooms on the other hand have helped immensely. way more depth to the trip, but they have a definite dark side to it. it left me with a more positive outlook on life though

well there are really two aspects to MDMA...

yes there is the short term serotonin boost that definitely rebounds after 1-2 days... but there is also a more permanent change that seems to be common in long term (responsible) MDMA users... Many long term users report that they retain many of the positive aspects of rolling (albeit in a subdued form) even when they are sober for long periods of time... its not well studied but it is definitely something significant...

 

[dezz]

Well people change by experiences, even if they are drug induced. I think MDMA can help depression in the same way that 2 weeks off on a holiday can. It shows you a window that it isn't all doom and gloom and let's you experience something new for a change. However clinging onto that window and trying to chase that happiness is a recipe for disaster. Don't do MDMA to make you happy because it will fuck you up eventually. MDMA makes you realize that most of your worries and insecurities are bullshit. Now it's up to you to do the work and improve your life. There isn't a pill for that one.

 

[StWd]

I've been through depression for about 4 years now. Horrible inexplainable depression (could never pin point any reason). Nothing my doctors did helped at all. I was concerned before trying mdma first that it would have a horrible effect on me and put me in a worse state but I went for it because I was depressed and didnt care

So I did MDMA for the first time 2 months ago and did it 3 times in the space of 6 weeks (I know that behaviour isnt recommended on here). Im currently taking a couple month break. Usually my depression has a baseline where I feel ok (but not good) and then I am hit by waves of fairly severe depression. I can hardly do anything, no motivaton or concentration and I feel horribly depressed and hopeless. I struggle to get out of bed and do anything productive. So its waves of that inbetween feeling alright but not great. Alot of the time I cannot even pinpoint the trigger of an episode

I have not had 1 depressive episode since my first time taking MDMA though. I have actually felt really great. It has been 3 weeks since my last time and will be atleast another 7 weeks until my next time I think. So the fact I havent had an episode is making me even happier.

I want to know your guys thoughts on this, is there a possibility this has anything to do with MDMA? I personally do not know, it is the one major change in my life over the past 2 months but I do understand the change in me may well be caused by something else which is completely seperate. There might be 100 possible reasons but I am just curious on your thoughts and maybe some peoples own experiences.

Im just happy Ive had a happy 2 months

Also just to add, I can definitely thank MDMA for one thing and that is to opening me up to new genres of music. I now have the ability to go to an event or club completely sober and have a great time provided someone good is playing. I couldnt do that before MDMA, I had to drink otherwise I just wanted to go home.

I'm quite sure MDMA had something to do with me overcoming depression. I have no idea if this is right at all but I like to think of the seratonin receptors as a door that was wedged shut when I was depressed, only letting a bit of happiness trickle through. MDMA forced the door open and ever since, the door has been locked open wider than it used to be. It really has changed my life, pointed me in some sort of direction instead of making me feel like I'm lost drifting through the world alone unable to enjoy life and then feeling guilty about being depressed because I had such a good life. I've not taken it in months and it really has changed my life. In a lot of ways I feel like I have a future, in some ways it's fucking up my life (relationships with friends who are super anti-drug on a fucking highhorse etc) but because I'm not depressed anymore I can deal with it and still get on with other things that make me happy.

I still get down again and feel depressed occasionally as most normal people do when they say they are depressed (which as you know if you have real clinical depression can be annoying when people call it that because real depression is nothing like being down occasionally). I still get stressed out and have days where I don't get out of bed for most of it (but not had a full day in bed since which is a huge deal for me because I used to have full weeks spent in bed, only getting up to eat and use the toilet, not washing or eating properly or exercising etc)

Just remember that these feelings aren't the depression coming back, the best thing to do is do as much as you can now while you're still riding the afterglow. Join some clubs, go out and meet new people, do everything you couldn't when you were down in such a way that when you start feeling down you have something you've committed to that will force you out of bed when you're down or you have some sort of support system that you can trust to tell when you feel like you're spiralling back downwards.

Funnily enough btw, I've also stopped drinking as much as I used to. I used to drink to help me fall asleep and drink shitty spirits as quick as possible to knock myself out. At the lowest point I was drinking maybe half a litre of vodka a night for a week. Now I go out and I rarely get drunk, I drink enough that I feel tipsy and more socially lubricated for lack of a better expression. I probably drink just as often but it's now because I have friends and we like to get drunk together.

Anyway, my life story over lol

I think it's definitely possible and that's awesome mate. Just stay safe and keep it to yourself though. Maybe one day people will realise it's potentially therapeutic value as it was intended for when it first was synthesised.

 

[StWd]

MDMA does nothing good for your serotonin neurons, it basically degenerates the serotonin axons and makes them grow out again abnormally

No it doesn't...

 

[EmDeeEmAye]

Thank you to everybody for the replies I appreciate them, especially the longer posts those 2 guys made

at first i thought mdma helped with my depression... but then i realized it was all very shallow. it only made me happy for the duration on the drug and maybe a day or two after. then i'd be back to feeling down all the time

shrooms on the other hand have helped immensely. way more depth to the trip, but they have a definite dark side to it. it left me with a more positive outlook on life though

I am planning a shroom experience in a couple months

I agree with this , for the most part MDMA always made my depression worse. But there were a few times where i'd actually feel good on the after glow and such, but once i waited a few more days i felt like shit again.

Short answer is, you may get a few after glows where you feel clear headed and at peace with your self. But don't think it can't cause the opposite affect the next roll. MDMA does nothing good for your serotonin neurons, it basically degenerates the serotonin axons and makes them grow out again abnormally. Proceed with caution-

I am fully aware that. Ive read a ton of bad stories about comedowns. I dont know if what youre saying about neurons is correct and some others dont seem to agree either.

Well people change by experiences, even if they are drug induced. I think MDMA can help depression in the same way that 2 weeks off on a holiday can. It shows you a window that it isn't all doom and gloom and let's you experience something new for a change. However clinging onto that window and trying to chase that happiness is a recipe for disaster. Don't do MDMA to make you happy because it will fuck you up eventually. MDMA makes you realize that most of your worries and insecurities are bullshit. Now it's up to you to do the work and improve your life. There isn't a pill for that one.

This is really what I was thinking. I thought maybe MDMA showed me how happy you can be or made me realize that happiness is possible. I almost feel like MDMA reminded me how to be happy again.

I am aware of the negative effects and I dont have any plans to self medicate. I use it recreationally.

 

[Diloadid]

'when you have received the message its time to hang-up the phone'

take what the mdma has shown you and work on implementing it without the chemicals. the high whilst on mdma is artificial its mae by the drug it up to the individual drug user to work towards attaining the high without the substance.

Wise words here.

 

[F1n1shed]

well no, not really.

Um would you like to tell me how MDMA works then? How would you know, i've read a few studies saying that it does.

 

[F1n1shed]

No it doesn't...

You as well, explain to me how it is damaging to our serotonin neurons. O yea you can't , you just say no it doesn't so you can keep rolling in ignorance.

 

[F1n1shed]

O well would you look at that.... correct again.

 

[EmDeeEmAye]

Um would you like to tell me how MDMA works then? How would you know, i've read a few studies saying that it does.

Can we see them?

 

[laugh]

Finished - scholars will put out papers just to get a name and attention and funding for further research. its usually the shocking/startling 'findings' that draw the most attention..

can you imagine government issuing grants and funding for a study that is pro an 'illegal substance'? it is much easier to tow company/government line and find the results supporting what government wants to hear, much better chance of receiving money then.

it is up to the individual to critically analyse.

is about as realistic as