*Is it normal?* and other poems from my fucked up mind

[XkandiExbritEX]

Is it normal to wake up every morning
and pray to a higher being
that within the course of the day
you will end up not having to live the next?
Is it normal to go to bed each night
with a face so eye soaked
that your entire cheeks are covered
in black runny mascrara?
Is it normal to constantly look in the mirror
each and every hour
just to tell yourself out loud
how much you hate yourself?
Is it normal to hold you face down the toilet
and forse yourself to vomit
with hope that you will choke
on one of the chunks of partly digested food?
Is it normal to take a sponge and scrub yourself
untill your skin is so raw that it looks like you
have used a sander on yourself?
Is it normal to hope that this will all soon be over?
[ 13 July 2002: Message edited by: XkandiExbritEX ]

 

[XkandiExbritEX]

*lesser being*
Lesser being
Below all of those around me
so small to the higher power
So defencless against the acts of others.
Voice so tiny
Thoughts unheard
All alone in a huge world where no one knows my name
I am a lesser being
I will never amount to shit
I hate me.

 

[XkandiExbritEX]

*Just to see the blood, Just to see the pain*
Razor blade of silver
May you take it all away
May you show the blood to me
May you show me the pain from the inside
May the blood trickle down slowly
from my upper arm to my hands
Red blood so bright, So pure, So bold against my ivory skin.
Trickle trickle trickle...

 

[harraser]

you sound like you need a *hug* hun, but youre a stronger person than this so i know youll work it out, and sometimes writing it is the perfect way to get unwanted things out of your system, keep posting ok. luv ant

 

[XkandiExbritEX]

*Questions*
Deep within my soul
Never ending black tears of pain trickle down
No reason to carry on
So very few reasons to smile
So many to cry
I search for the strength to carry on to the next tomorrow
I search for the answers
Reasons for why I can never have a picture perfect life
Sometimes I wonder why I was chosen to life this life
Did a higher power do this as a sick game?
Did it do this to make me stronger?
Did it curse me with this mortal hell to see how long I can live without going insane?
How can I keep my sanity in a world of constant screams and cries
How can I live another day when there are so many things that are slowly eating my life away?
Why cant I be like one of them?
Why can my life be simple?
Why cant I have a smile painted on my face and happy thoughts be burned in my mind?
What did I do to deserve this?
What is going to help me threw life?
What is going to give me the strength to carry on?
Who even cares?
Who hears the dark cries from my soul?
Who realizes that I am at the point where I don't even care?
Who GIVES A FUCK?!?!?!
Is this how it will always be?
Is this my fate?
Is this the pathetic existence that I will have to live on this planet?
_______________________________________________
Ant, I'm trying to smile, I know what I want to do with my life now, I know what I have to do to get there. And That makes me so happy , But on the other hand, So many other things just bring me so down lately .*hugs*

 

[star*]

*hugz*
You will never b able 2 completely control ur circumstances yet by ur actions u can alwayz create precisely the life u want from wateva u hav 2 work with.
-Ralph Marston
smile