I'll be honest here, when I get to a certain level of intoxication regardless of the substance, I talk to myself. And some people would say it's just "thinking out loud" but I'm being honest, I have full on conversations with myself. The worst part about it is, I actually enjoy it.
I also tend to take nearly all of my drugs alone as well, mostly either in my car or at my house if I really think I won't be able to drive. This just exacerbates the issue though, as I wind up just voicing whatever comes into my head then thinking of a funny response to what I just said. Basically I just make fun of myself, but in a third person kind of way if that makes sense.
And I really do lay into some things without even thinking about it, then after I stop talking I realize the rant I just unloaded and laugh.
I guess the modern day word for it (although I detest this "word") would be hater, but it's not like I truly hate anything. I just feel that everyone has weaknesses, even the most confident people. And if you don't let them know that you know their weaknesses, they are more prone to try and take advantage of you.
Although now that I think about it, I really just had to do that growing up. My brother doesn't go a 24 hour period without spewing some form of bullshit out of his mouth. The degree of how much BS it is varies, but it's seriously always something.
He is the type of person that has to prop up the few things he does do with nonstop talk to cover up the things he can't, or doesn't do. If I never called him out on anything I don't even know how we would conversate (is that a word? seriously 50/50 on it butt fuck it).
Here's a typical conversation we have:
Bro: says something false
Me: corrects statement with "I think it's actually xxxxx"
Bro: "I don't know", followed by ridiculous reasoning for his opinion
Me: Usually at this point I either just drop it or find the most ridiculous part of his logic and attack that to try and get his cogs turning on his own
Bro: "ok well I'm gonna look it up" (smartphones are seriously going to be his downfall)
Me: at this point he either changes the subject upon realizing he is wrong or the even more annoying "yeah you were right BUT, what I was trying to say was..."
followed by more bullshit
so it's just like I can't even hold a conversation with him because its the same fucking formula every time.
A pretty innocuous example was one night we were watching the Lakers play the Sixers on TV and he was trying to tell me Kobe played a few seasons for them before Shaq got there, which is just absolutely false. I disagreed, he tried to pull the age card on me "dude you were only 4 years old when that happened I remember" and then he does the lookup, and
silence.....
and I'm just sitting there like, "well? any more BRAIN BUSTERS?"
you fucking chatty cathy
So yeah, I just keep to myself now, which leads me back to the original subject.
Is it crazy if what you are saying makes perfect sense? I seriously liken it to the "if a tree falls in a forest but no one hears it" adage but I really don't know if I'm just crazy.
You could say it's because of a lack of friends, which is true to a certain extent. I really didn't have a lot of "friends" in the traditional sense. I mean, I was cool with everyone, but could never really become especially close emotionally with anyone. Part of it was reasons of my own doing, and I certainly don't regret it because it opened my eyes to a lot of subtleties that most kids don't think about until college economics class, but at the same time it wasn't really what I should have been doing.
And you could say it's been drugs that made me do it, to which I would say you should see me not on drugs. I'm just another quiet, nondescript white male with no real special characteristics that someone would notice. Just another dude. If anything my drug use has made me more open.
But it's like why do I have to see the negative side of everything? Even if I tell myself to think positive and only say positive things to other people, I still am ripping them to shreds in my head.
Maybe it's just like a mind game I play with myself, I feel like if I'm not doing it to them they are doing it to me.
I don't know what I'm even trying to say anymore, and the I key on my keyboard is getting pretty worn out. I guess I am somewhat weird, but in my opinion, a lot of people are just fucking lame.
And I'd rather be weird than lame 10/10 times
I also tend to take nearly all of my drugs alone as well, mostly either in my car or at my house if I really think I won't be able to drive. This just exacerbates the issue though, as I wind up just voicing whatever comes into my head then thinking of a funny response to what I just said. Basically I just make fun of myself, but in a third person kind of way if that makes sense.
And I really do lay into some things without even thinking about it, then after I stop talking I realize the rant I just unloaded and laugh.
I guess the modern day word for it (although I detest this "word") would be hater, but it's not like I truly hate anything. I just feel that everyone has weaknesses, even the most confident people. And if you don't let them know that you know their weaknesses, they are more prone to try and take advantage of you.
Although now that I think about it, I really just had to do that growing up. My brother doesn't go a 24 hour period without spewing some form of bullshit out of his mouth. The degree of how much BS it is varies, but it's seriously always something.
He is the type of person that has to prop up the few things he does do with nonstop talk to cover up the things he can't, or doesn't do. If I never called him out on anything I don't even know how we would conversate (is that a word? seriously 50/50 on it butt fuck it).
Here's a typical conversation we have:
Bro: says something false
Me: corrects statement with "I think it's actually xxxxx"
Bro: "I don't know", followed by ridiculous reasoning for his opinion
Me: Usually at this point I either just drop it or find the most ridiculous part of his logic and attack that to try and get his cogs turning on his own
Bro: "ok well I'm gonna look it up" (smartphones are seriously going to be his downfall)
Me: at this point he either changes the subject upon realizing he is wrong or the even more annoying "yeah you were right BUT, what I was trying to say was..."
followed by more bullshit
so it's just like I can't even hold a conversation with him because its the same fucking formula every time.
A pretty innocuous example was one night we were watching the Lakers play the Sixers on TV and he was trying to tell me Kobe played a few seasons for them before Shaq got there, which is just absolutely false. I disagreed, he tried to pull the age card on me "dude you were only 4 years old when that happened I remember" and then he does the lookup, and
silence.....
and I'm just sitting there like, "well? any more BRAIN BUSTERS?"
you fucking chatty cathy
So yeah, I just keep to myself now, which leads me back to the original subject.
Is it crazy if what you are saying makes perfect sense? I seriously liken it to the "if a tree falls in a forest but no one hears it" adage but I really don't know if I'm just crazy.
You could say it's because of a lack of friends, which is true to a certain extent. I really didn't have a lot of "friends" in the traditional sense. I mean, I was cool with everyone, but could never really become especially close emotionally with anyone. Part of it was reasons of my own doing, and I certainly don't regret it because it opened my eyes to a lot of subtleties that most kids don't think about until college economics class, but at the same time it wasn't really what I should have been doing.
And you could say it's been drugs that made me do it, to which I would say you should see me not on drugs. I'm just another quiet, nondescript white male with no real special characteristics that someone would notice. Just another dude. If anything my drug use has made me more open.
But it's like why do I have to see the negative side of everything? Even if I tell myself to think positive and only say positive things to other people, I still am ripping them to shreds in my head.
Maybe it's just like a mind game I play with myself, I feel like if I'm not doing it to them they are doing it to me.
I don't know what I'm even trying to say anymore, and the I key on my keyboard is getting pretty worn out. I guess I am somewhat weird, but in my opinion, a lot of people are just fucking lame.
And I'd rather be weird than lame 10/10 times
