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Is anyone listening out there? HELP!

njdevil22

njdevil22

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 27, 2010
Messages
9
Ok I'm very new to this forum thing but I have come to a dead end. I have been reading this forum for the past couple of days and can't help myself by not asking for help. I have been addicted to pain killers, oxycodone to be exact. It's going on 4 years now and I have to get my life back. It's ruined a 9 year relationship and many great jobs making well over 6 figures. I looked at my daughter on Christmas day and felt like a total loser. How can I stop?? I've tried to go cold turkey and well...way to painful to be honest. Please someone give me some sort of direction to move upon. I've had some suicidal thoughts this past holiday season, but feel my daughter is well worth living for. I need to stop this shit it's ruining my life, I realize my problems aren't as large as many other people in this forum but I need to stop soon or this will end up really bad in a short period of time. Thanks for any support out there!
 
There's a huge amount of information on BL about tapering off opiates if that's the way you want to go as well as lots of information about what can help with withdrawals if you decide to go cold turkey.

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=307488

What kind of support networks and other coping mechanisms do you have? A lot of people find that getting clean is easy compared to staying clean. It's really important to have a plan for how you're going to deal with life's day to day stresses - big and small.
 
what area are you in ? I take it tristate ? Or just a devils fans ? haha , if you are in tristate there are tons TONS of detox facilities - 7 day to longer programs. It doesn't have to physically be painful for you, but 4 years of using will certainly takes its toll - I'd try to get to a detox and certainly line up something for when you are - a group , counsellor etc. Good luck :) - keep in touch and do it for yourself , nobody else.
 
njdevil22 said:
Ok I'm very new to this forum thing but I have come to a dead end. I have been reading this forum for the past couple of days and can't help myself by not asking for help. I have been addicted to pain killers, oxycodone to be exact. It's going on 4 years now and I have to get my life back. It's ruined a 9 year relationship and many great jobs making well over 6 figures. I looked at my daughter on Christmas day and felt like a total loser. How can I stop?? I've tried to go cold turkey and well...way to painful to be honest. Please someone give me some sort of direction to move upon. I've had some suicidal thoughts this past holiday season, but feel my daughter is well worth living for. I need to stop this shit it's ruining my life, I realize my problems aren't as large as many other people in this forum but I need to stop soon or this will end up really bad in a short period of time. Thanks for any support out there!
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Firstly, welcome to The Dark Side. There is a LOT of support right here and a ton of people who have been through exactly what you're going through. You are not alone <3

Secondly, you really must keep trying to get clean, for your daughter's sake. SHE NEEDS YOU. Suicide is not an option for you because you need to be there for your daughter. Do this for her okay?

Lolie posted a good link, have a read through that and see what you think.

You say you've tried going cold turkey before, it's great that you had the courage to try. But you just need to keep trying, perhaps not cold turkey because that is really difficult and there are better ways. But just keep at it okay? It often takes a few attempts at quitting before it works.

Keep us updated with how you're going okay? <3
 
a change is as good as a rest .

just a suggestion but perhaps take a trip somewhere adventurous with your daughter, or at least start planning one.

I dont know how old she is but maybe give yourself a long term goal of getting it together so you can show her the world someday.

I have a daughter, nearly 16, and she's been through some pretty major changes and upheavals thanks to her nutty parents lol

But I agree with you, daughters are precious, the savior of many a lost man.

i used this as a strategy to give myself a beautiful and positive vision of the future to focus on. i fought hard to keep the love between us alive when nothing else mattered.

It's a magical world, you know it is, imagine discovering its mysteries and guiding her and sharing her adult life on her amazing journey.

you are smart, you are strong, just by sharing the situation with us means that you see your situation clearly, that's awesome man, many many who fall into the pit never see over the rim again, you are not lost to the abyss friend, you are well on the way to rising above this and being whole again, welcome to bluelight, this place has helped many a lost wanderer find the road home again.

good luck brother
 
njdevil22 said:
Ok I'm very new to this forum thing but I have come to a dead end. I have been reading this forum for the past couple of days and can't help myself by not asking for help. I have been addicted to pain killers, oxycodone to be exact. It's going on 4 years now and I have to get my life back. It's ruined a 9 year relationship and many great jobs making well over 6 figures. I looked at my daughter on Christmas day and felt like a total loser. How can I stop?? I've tried to go cold turkey and well...way to painful to be honest. Please someone give me some sort of direction to move upon. I've had some suicidal thoughts this past holiday season, but feel my daughter is well worth living for. I need to stop this shit it's ruining my life, I realize my problems aren't as large as many other people in this forum but I need to stop soon or this will end up really bad in a short period of time. Thanks for any support out there!
Click to expand...

we feel like losers because we are. just stop......... or you will ruining, and or lose your life. no other way to put it. just stop. pm me in 2 weeks i would like to know how you are doing.
 
Having a disease does not make you a LOOSER. Guys - that sort of talk brings us down even lower , it's a dark place w/addiction , we ddo not need to think in those terms :( stay up everyone <3 <3
 
I almost cried reading this. Your daughter is lucky to have you as her father, but you gotta stick around and make sure she gets to know it.
 
Thank you everyone for all your support! I am going to go the suboxone way, I think this will be the best way for me to beat this demon. I just a struggle with the fact of going from one drug to another. I really appreciate the help and it means a lot to me... Just a little note, ill be seeing my Dr on the first of Feb, and he will be starting me on the Suboxone I assume for a week or 2 at most. But like I said earlier Iam nervous to go from one bad thing to another, any insight on that guys and girls?

Oh and artofwar I am originally from NY, but moved here to Sunny Tampa Fl....
 
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njdevil22 said:
I just struggle with the fact of going from one drug to another.
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You shouldn't worry about that. You need to do whatever you can that gets you well and gets you in a better place, for your sake and your daughters sake. Suboxone may very well be the answer. It has helped a lot of people, including myself. Just because its a drug doesn't mean its inherently bad, nor is being on a drug something that has to be bad. Think of it this way - suboxone is to opiate addiction as Tylenol is to headaches.
 
Thanks mudeltakappa, I have a question, how long from last blue to first suboxone? I know everyone is different but maybe you have some insight since you have used this medicine before. And how much of the WD'S should I expect? Thanks
 
njdevil22 said:
Thanks mudeltakappa, I have a question, how long from last blue to first suboxone? I know everyone is different but maybe you have some insight since you have used this medicine before. And how much of the WD'S should I expect? Thanks
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Well it varies... for me I hadn't had a dose in 3-4 days (hydrocodone) when I got on bupe, so waiting wasn't an issue for me personally. I believe the general guideline is to wait until you start to feel withdrawal symptoms so the bupe doesn't send you into withdrawal. Again, this wasn't an issue for me - my habit was relatively small, just oral hydrocodone, and I hadn't had a dose in a couple of days. Thus bupe provided me instant relief.

Anyway, your doctor will be able to advise you. I wish you luck.
 
njdevil22 said:
Thank you everyone for all your support! I am going to go the suboxone way, I think this will be the best way for me to beat this demon. I just a struggle with the fact of going from one drug to another. I really appreciate the help and it means a lot to me... Just a little note, ill be seeing my Dr on the first of Feb, and he will be starting me on the Suboxone I assume for a week or 2 at most. But like I said earlier Iam nervous to go from one bad thing to another, any insight on that guys and girls?

Oh and artofwar I am originally from NY, but moved here to Sunny Tampa Fl....
Click to expand...

I was just about to mention the subs. I can find them everywhere here across 3000 miles to the west. You can go thru the detox too if you want, its really mind of matter of how painful it can get. When you know there is no way to get high (camp med for me) its wasnt as bad as being on the outside, even in a place I wouldn't call home. I tried leaving home, you know over 1k miles, I still found a fix, so subs is a very good way or a very good detox where they just don't let you leave. ( I did that too, lol)
 
Well dude congrats on actually knowing you got a habit. I believe that is the hardest step to take, almost as hard as coming down from any drug. I wouldn't really recommend methadone program. That is what started me down the road of addiction. Started it recreational and know of too many people that OD on it. I have heard good things about suboxone tho. Killing yourself would hurt your daughter sooooo much more then the pain she has gone thru now or in the past. My parents were both addicts and when I was young I didn't ''hate'' them, just couldn't understand why something like addiction could take over their lives. I never EVER looked at them as losers. Even when my mom was losing her mind to smoking meth or having to pull my dad off my stepmom cuz he was choking her. I hated the madness and drama that came with their addictions NOT them. Please know the difference from someone who has lived it! Stay strong bro and seek help and support. Because having the belief that nobody cares or that you are a loser will only add grease to the fire. Hit me up anytime when you get the call from Mr.Jones, he is a fuck head that really messes you up. Hope to hear from ya and see how ya doing. <Big hugs>
 
Ok 12 days and counting down! That will be my first day of the Suboxone and hopefully the last of oxycodone. Ahhhh a new life, I so look forward to this treatment and how I can get back to a normal life. No more feeling guilty, no more chasing at the end of every month, just want my old lifestyle back again!!!! BTW you guys have been so awesome by helping me through this. I really do appreciate all the help!!

Hey Feldais, I am going to take you up on your offer! I can use all the support I can get, and to tell you the truth I think this place has the best to offer any person going through some personal problems and or addictions. I was also thinking of going to some NA meetings.

Ya know being on this shit I have absolutly no motivation whatsoever, I am a musician, an athlete and a avid reader but have no inkling of doing anything I love anymore. So I am hoping this treatment works out. I will keep everybody up on my situation week by week. I cant stress enough gratitude to all that posted replies. YOU GUYS ROCK!!!!


And when Alexander saw the breadth
of his domain, he wept. For there
were no more worlds to conquer........Alexander The Great
 
Hey everyone, I just wanted to say thank you for all the help you guys have given me. I have been clean and sober for over 9 months now. the subs worked for short while, and then I got off of those pretty quick. then went cold turkey off the subs. I know it has been a while since I've been on here but I had a fight other demons as well. I have a great new job and an excellent relationship with my daughter and now I live in saint pete beach. again I want to say thank you for all of your help it really really helped me get through this. I have to say if you have the strength to do it don't wait too long it may ruin your life. thank you dearly......njdevil22

And when Alexander saw the breadthof his domain, he wept. For therewere no more worlds to conquer........Alexander The Great
 
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Hey congrats, thats awesome to hear...so glad you took the time to come and update your thread. This definitely has loads of motivational value for people trying to curb their habit. Its just a phase for many people..no worse than obsessing over sex or stealing or eating compulsively...you learn from it, move on with your life and things can be back to normal!

Congrats again
 
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