I've really been struggling lately-- emotionally and psychologically. I think psychedelic drugs mixed with apathy resulted in me having a warped view of what Buddhism or Eastern thought was all about-- this lasting for the past 4 years or so. Lately, as my mind has begun to betray me in subtle ways, I've really become frightened by the prospect that I'm not totally in control, or won't be forever. This, combined with the fact that I've taken the ideas of "renunciation" way too far, have resulted in me being a stultified shadow of the person I previously was.
But just now, reading the intro of the Bhagavad Gita, I started to feel that warmth radiating from my being. Easwaran summed up the message nicely, saying that essentially, enlightenment or love or supreme wisdom or whatever you call it can be achieved mainly through self-less actions of love towards others.
Me, I've taken the idea of renunciation and turned it into a state of stagnation! I don't like working because I gave up on the idea of material possessions making me happy-- in the process, I've lost interest in most everything else. So, based on what Easwaran is saying in the intro to the Gita: one doesn't need to retreat to a monastery, sitting in relative isolation, cut off from the world in order to reach some state of enlightenment-- in fact, it seems sort of contradictory. The path towards Self-realization can be realized by radiating pure-love to others and all things.
Practically, I see this meaning that I should find a position/job that allows me to help others, or pass along this message of self-less love for others to hopefully realize. I've been avoiding financial responsibility out of some
selfish desire to be holier-than-thou, even when I didn't realize I was acting that way.
Now, I simply have to find such an opportunity... Any ideas for a college graduate w/ a liberal arts degree?
