Introspective thoughts

[Connor the Alien]

After having a terrible 18th Birthday yesterday, I started to question a lot about people and "good" in general. I started questioning my own beliefs, my own thoughts and my overall outlook on life. I got home last night and wrote some of the ideas in my head in a document and thought I'd share it with the Bluelight community to gain some other peoples perspectives on my thoughts. Here is what I wrote:


Life without knowing is a life contented.
The deeper we search, the harder it becomes. To truly delve in to one’s mind without reglement causes pain and despair. The deeper we search, the deeper we get lost. Overwhelmed by this gargantuan feeling of necessary self-discovery. We paradoxically lose awareness of what/who we truly are. Our thoughts spread like bacteria, reproducing as if by binary fission. Each time a thought splits and divides it carries with it the essence of its predecessor but with a new evolved conclusion, this process causes thoughts to grow wild and eventually they contradict, the conclusions become meaningless and the whole process starts again.
Excessive introspection has caused me to grow depressed and alone. I have searched extensively into my “soul”, evaluated my merits and cons. Yet I see no conclusion, no overall evaluation of myself. How can I evaluate my thought and morals when they aren’t truly cut, black and blue? These thoughts and moral beliefs are simply varying pigments of grey, subconsciously absorbed throughout my life thus far, shelved and packaged into these growing levels of my conscience. These levels sometimes become overloaded and collapse, plummeting with them any established ideas and beliefs.

 

[New]

I've had similar musings before. I find that shades of gray are the most important morals to judge, seeing as how they're constantly fluctuating. And I will respectfully rebut your first sentence with this: Knowledge is the greatest gift that we can give ourselves. There are days that I straight up lose in pursuit of information and trivia, because learning new things is pure ecstasy to me. To be content is to not thrive, and to thrive is to truly live.

Thank you for your thoughts, I hope that you share more with us in the future..

 

[Connor the Alien]

The first sentence is a play on the saying "Ignorance is bliss", as it seems to not question life, to simply not think about our meaning in life and carry on aimlessly living is easier than to question it and find inherit meaning of it. The more we search for answers to this thing we call life the more we get lost, that is to say from an Absurdist point of view that to try and find inherit value or meaning will ultimately fail as the sheer amount of information as well as the vast realm of the unknown make certainty impossible.

I am content with my so called knowing or more correctly thinking in life. But sometimes to keep thinking inwardly, to introspect if you will, causes one to become depressed as there is no (as far as I'm concerned) meaning to life. From recent thinking I have realised that introspection must be reglemented so that we do not get overwhelmed by existentialist thoughts that can govern our mind. I see now that I must extrospect, look outwardly, discover new things to remain happy with life.

 

[New]

Yeah, I got that. I'm happy that you've got a thought paradigm that works for you. Sometimes it's difficult to make sense of the glut of information we're presented with. And yes, participating is a wonderful aspect of being alive that I wouldn't trade for anything.

 

[ForEverAfter]

Excessive introspection has caused me to grow depressed and alone. I have searched extensively into my “soul”, evaluated my merits and cons. Yet I see no conclusion

sometimes to keep thinking inwardly, to introspect if you will, causes one to become depressed as there is no (as far as I'm concerned) meaning to life

You are on an introspective journey. Don't disallow one of two possible answers to the question "Is there a meaning of life?" Don't believe that there isn't. Just keep searching. You will find your conclusion.

Seems like this thread might be better suited to P&S? You should check out said forum, Connor.

 

[Connor the Alien]

I haven't disallowed any possible answers to the question, but at this moment in life there is no meaning, however I don't see that as a negative thing, I see things from a similar point of view (well at least currently) of that of Albert Camus, I accept the Absurd and thus can achieve absolute freedom. And I personally believe that there an endless amount of answers to the question at hand, I am just yet to discover them.

And Sorry if this was posted in the wrong place.