Introspection and Observation of the Ego

Years before I even dared to seek out wisdom of the mushroom I knew that, by studying mind, ego and self [the same 'thing'], the only way to understanding anything and find happiness was to understand myself.

Without a basic understanding of self the first steps into the psychedelic inner realm often leads to intens confusion and continued re-living of a single thought and action [thoughtloops].

Our inner monologue is an ongoing stream of words and ideas that just keeps on going and going, seemingly without end. Some people think in images and not words, but for most of us the inner monologue starts when we wake up and ends when we fall asleep.

As we learn to observe thoughts and how we act upon them, we start to see how in essence we exist as a person, as an individual, in our thoughtprocesses, then you may start to realise that all we are, are these thoughtprocesses.

If we are our thoughts, and if our thoughts are all we are, how then is it possible for us to observe these thoughts? How can we be one thing when there's awareness of that thing separate from it?

This is where it gets interesting.

From the point of view of a person that is stuck in a thoughtloop there is no escaping the loop, yet somehow this person is aware of the fact that it's happening and starts feeling like he or she is losing sanity. That can only happen if there's awareness of what is happening separate from the person experiencing thoughtloops.

If you go on a trip with this knowledge, and if through meditation you've experienced this awareness, whenever a thoughtloop occurs one simply withdraws attention from the loop and steps back [as it were] to observe the loop. By withdrawing from the loop you stop feeding it and the loop will run it's course, and end.

Thoughtloops happen. It is part of the psychedelic experience, and I too experience them once in a while. The wonderful lesson you can learn from these loops however is this ability to step back, observe and watch thought[loops] end.

The gift of a quiet mind.

 

I love this kind of philosophy. The nature of thoughts. You may find this worth reading. It never occurred to me that some people might think in pictures.

If we are our thoughts, and if our thoughts are all we are, how then is it possible for us to observe these thoughts? How can we be one thing when there's awareness of that thing separate from it?

That's what really screws with me, especially on acid. With a certain level of dissociation, every feeling and thought seems to just boil down to... nothing. Which is very Zen, I suppose.

I find I sometimes get caught in sober thought loops, as described in that blog I linked to, which are obviously far less intense but still annoying. As for dreaming, taking a break from the constant chatter for a few hours is a very healthy thing, and can itself be considered a powerful psychedelic state of consciousness.

 

With a certain level of dissociation, every feeling and thought seems to just boil down to... nothing. Which is very Zen, I suppose.

This is the risk involved with psychedelics; you become forcibly aware of something that's often revealed after hours of meditation and study. People find themselves in dire conflict because they've never been exposed to this side of existence.

But as you've found, this dark side is really a blessing in disguise if you're able to see the experience in the proper perspective.

Continue to explore and delve deep into your subconscious. You might not always like what you find, but there's also boundless joy and, dare i say, truth to be found.

 

I've heard psychedelics referred to as 'the revelation we're not ready for.' There certainly is a sense of that, especially in those moments of major dissociation. But I do see it is a legitimate psychospiritual path for the jaded westerner.

Many deep and insightful trips to you too!