Hey there, guys. I joined this forum seeking information about something. I made that post first and then realized I should have introduced myself first! Haha!
My name is Rae and after nearly 10 years of severe heroin and other opiate addiction, I got clean after finding out I had become pregnant. My son is what gave me the drive, motivation, and strength to stop using these drugs that were consuming and controlling my life.
Despite my being heavily addicted to drugs, I never stopped my education. This was fortunate because when I finally stopped using dope and painkillers, I was able to get my master's degree and attain my license as a mental health counselor. This was all several years ago now and my son will soon be three years old. After getting clean, I knew that I wanted more than anything else to help others who were going through problems and struggles that were similar to those I myself had. I focused on specializing in PTSD, anxiety, eating disorders, and addiction. I believe that I have now been able to help many people improve their lives. For me, the way I quit personally was a bit controversial and not through the most often recommended method. I used methadone. But regardless of people's general thoughts on methadone or their attitude regarding that treatment option, I can proudly and happily say today, I have been clean over 3 years now. My son does not have a junky for a mother. And I am a successful and happy person whereas I was not before.
During my active addiction, I was horribly unhappy. I had became addicted after being prescribed strong painkillers at the young age of only 13. These were prescribed due to my reoccurring kidney stones. I had post-traumatic stress disorder and was also prescribed Xanax to (unsuccessfully) treat my anxiety. I loved the feeling I got from having Dilaudid given to me intravenously in the hospital. When they gave me this, it was the first time I could remember that I felt happy, peaceful, calm, and completely void of pain. I wanted this feeling to never stop. Being young and ignorant, I didn't realize that this feeling was directly related to the way I had been given this medication (IV) and assumed it was the medicine itself. I ate and snorted pill after pill of my prescription Dilaudid at home trying desperately to achieve that same feeling to no avail and obviously without success. I had a warm and fuzzy drowsy feeling but it wasn't the same. Finally, after another hospitalization I realized the variable I had been neglecting when taking my medication at home and the difference finally clicked in my head. I immediately stole a syringe/needle/rig from my doctor's office and literally did a Google search to learn how to shoot up correctly. After a year of shooting Dilaudid everyday, I finally moved on to shooting heroin also. This addiction continued until I was 19. When I was 19, I went into rehab for the first time. I stayed clean for less than six months. My addiction began again and it continued until I was nearly 24. There were some days I would shoot up over 2 eight balls. There were some time periods I would wake up in the middle of the night sick and have to fix so that I could go back to sleep. My tolerance grew and grew and I needed more and more to stay well. Towards the end of my addiction, I was having to shoot up shots of over 1 gram in size every 5 to 6 hours just to stay well. Some people brag about how much dope they were shooting or can shoot. This is NOT my intention. It was NOT fun, cool, or anything positive at all. It put me in debt, cost me ridiculous amounts of money, had me see several of my good friends and people that were just associates die in front of me from overdosing that despite trying CPR, calling 911, and doing everything I possibly could, I just couldn't save. This caused me to be with a friend who tried to rob a drug deals and get fatally shot in the head in front of me, and me myself to be beaten within an inch of my life. It caused me to be put in the hospital myself numerous times. It was misery. It was selling everything I owned, lying to and betraying my family and loved ones, skipping out on rent, having my power, water, and phone cut off. It was having literally nothing in my apartment except for a mattress and some bedding. Everything else was sold. It was pushing away all of my friends. It was doing horrible things for dope and the money to but dope that I will forever be ashamed of. But that's not me anymore. I was one of the worst addicts you can imagine..
Then I found out I was pregnant. This was a huge surprise as o have not only polycystic ovarian syndrome but also endometriosis and a lot of ovarian scarring. I had been told that I would never have children without a lot of extensive medical intervention, fertility treatments, and artificial insemination. Even then, I was told, my chances for having a baby were slim. My son, Lennon, was obviously due to my health conditions a huge surprise and I saw him as a miracle. I hadn't even had a period in nearly 6 months at the date I conceived him! I used methadone to stop using dope and I have been clean now for over 3 years. Some people speak poorly of methadone and its reputation, but for me, it was something that helped save my life.
Despite using drugs and being severely addicted, I always stayed in school. I suppose this was my thread of normalcy. As long as I clung to this, I could lie to myself and others that my addiction wasn't "that bad". After I found out I was pregnant, I had to stop going to school because I had a "high-risk" pregnancy and was on bed rest due to my having placenta previa and other physical problems. This crushed me and broke my heart. But as soon as he was born healthy, but early, and via cesarean section I restarted school. I finished attaining my master's degree, and I got my license as a mental health counselor. I knew then that I wanted more than anything to help others struggling with the same things I had struggled with. My entire life for the past over 3 years now has been devoted to trying to help other people who are struggling with addiction, trauma, eating disorders, and anxiety.
Today I am the happy and successful person I never thought possible. Besides being a mother, wife, and counselor, I am also an artist and a writer. I look forward to talking with you all!!
Thank you for allowing me to join you here!
My name is Rae and after nearly 10 years of severe heroin and other opiate addiction, I got clean after finding out I had become pregnant. My son is what gave me the drive, motivation, and strength to stop using these drugs that were consuming and controlling my life.
Despite my being heavily addicted to drugs, I never stopped my education. This was fortunate because when I finally stopped using dope and painkillers, I was able to get my master's degree and attain my license as a mental health counselor. This was all several years ago now and my son will soon be three years old. After getting clean, I knew that I wanted more than anything else to help others who were going through problems and struggles that were similar to those I myself had. I focused on specializing in PTSD, anxiety, eating disorders, and addiction. I believe that I have now been able to help many people improve their lives. For me, the way I quit personally was a bit controversial and not through the most often recommended method. I used methadone. But regardless of people's general thoughts on methadone or their attitude regarding that treatment option, I can proudly and happily say today, I have been clean over 3 years now. My son does not have a junky for a mother. And I am a successful and happy person whereas I was not before.
During my active addiction, I was horribly unhappy. I had became addicted after being prescribed strong painkillers at the young age of only 13. These were prescribed due to my reoccurring kidney stones. I had post-traumatic stress disorder and was also prescribed Xanax to (unsuccessfully) treat my anxiety. I loved the feeling I got from having Dilaudid given to me intravenously in the hospital. When they gave me this, it was the first time I could remember that I felt happy, peaceful, calm, and completely void of pain. I wanted this feeling to never stop. Being young and ignorant, I didn't realize that this feeling was directly related to the way I had been given this medication (IV) and assumed it was the medicine itself. I ate and snorted pill after pill of my prescription Dilaudid at home trying desperately to achieve that same feeling to no avail and obviously without success. I had a warm and fuzzy drowsy feeling but it wasn't the same. Finally, after another hospitalization I realized the variable I had been neglecting when taking my medication at home and the difference finally clicked in my head. I immediately stole a syringe/needle/rig from my doctor's office and literally did a Google search to learn how to shoot up correctly. After a year of shooting Dilaudid everyday, I finally moved on to shooting heroin also. This addiction continued until I was 19. When I was 19, I went into rehab for the first time. I stayed clean for less than six months. My addiction began again and it continued until I was nearly 24. There were some days I would shoot up over 2 eight balls. There were some time periods I would wake up in the middle of the night sick and have to fix so that I could go back to sleep. My tolerance grew and grew and I needed more and more to stay well. Towards the end of my addiction, I was having to shoot up shots of over 1 gram in size every 5 to 6 hours just to stay well. Some people brag about how much dope they were shooting or can shoot. This is NOT my intention. It was NOT fun, cool, or anything positive at all. It put me in debt, cost me ridiculous amounts of money, had me see several of my good friends and people that were just associates die in front of me from overdosing that despite trying CPR, calling 911, and doing everything I possibly could, I just couldn't save. This caused me to be with a friend who tried to rob a drug deals and get fatally shot in the head in front of me, and me myself to be beaten within an inch of my life. It caused me to be put in the hospital myself numerous times. It was misery. It was selling everything I owned, lying to and betraying my family and loved ones, skipping out on rent, having my power, water, and phone cut off. It was having literally nothing in my apartment except for a mattress and some bedding. Everything else was sold. It was pushing away all of my friends. It was doing horrible things for dope and the money to but dope that I will forever be ashamed of. But that's not me anymore. I was one of the worst addicts you can imagine..
Then I found out I was pregnant. This was a huge surprise as o have not only polycystic ovarian syndrome but also endometriosis and a lot of ovarian scarring. I had been told that I would never have children without a lot of extensive medical intervention, fertility treatments, and artificial insemination. Even then, I was told, my chances for having a baby were slim. My son, Lennon, was obviously due to my health conditions a huge surprise and I saw him as a miracle. I hadn't even had a period in nearly 6 months at the date I conceived him! I used methadone to stop using dope and I have been clean now for over 3 years. Some people speak poorly of methadone and its reputation, but for me, it was something that helped save my life.
Despite using drugs and being severely addicted, I always stayed in school. I suppose this was my thread of normalcy. As long as I clung to this, I could lie to myself and others that my addiction wasn't "that bad". After I found out I was pregnant, I had to stop going to school because I had a "high-risk" pregnancy and was on bed rest due to my having placenta previa and other physical problems. This crushed me and broke my heart. But as soon as he was born healthy, but early, and via cesarean section I restarted school. I finished attaining my master's degree, and I got my license as a mental health counselor. I knew then that I wanted more than anything to help others struggling with the same things I had struggled with. My entire life for the past over 3 years now has been devoted to trying to help other people who are struggling with addiction, trauma, eating disorders, and anxiety.
Today I am the happy and successful person I never thought possible. Besides being a mother, wife, and counselor, I am also an artist and a writer. I look forward to talking with you all!!
Thank you for allowing me to join you here!
