LockoSlav
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2017
- Messages
- 1
Hello guys !
I've been stalking this forum for quite some time, reading up on what I can and thought I should, gaining much ( let's call it second hand ) experience from you fellas and gals.
A thought has crossed my mind about joining up, sharing my "problems" with you, and perhaps hearing a thought or two of the same, I'm not nearly that far in life to consider myself all-experienced and all-knowing, so here goes !
I apologize in advance for any irrelevant info, I'll try to keep this "short".
Born in the 90s, during wartime, I have some early memories of bombs, corpses, war-torn buildings, and also a life-saving hernia operation ( got a hernia when I had to jump off a 2nd story window due to it being set ablaze )
Mind you, all this happened during the first 4 years of my life.
I grew up in the same city, but not the country I was born in, my father was an alcoholic ( switched from meds to alcohol to combat some drawbacks of the former ). I was interested in electronics and computers, soldered my first cable at around 7 years of age, programmed in Fortran at around 10. It's worth noting that I was no wunderkind, was almost expelled from school for two-three times, my grades were maximum in a few subjects, and the bare minimum in others.
I've been irresponsible for most of my life, enjoyed it quite a bit too. Had the greatest time up until about 19 years of age, was what many people would consider an alcoholic as well.
Oh, did I mention my parents got divorced when I was around 11 ? It was a good thing too, no more arguing for me to listen to, and two places I could jump to and back from when I got fed up with one. The only side-effects I've found while self-analyzing are that I despise cheating ( my mum did once, causing pop to sedate ), but I guess that's a good thing.
INTERMEDIATE
( how it changed )
That irresponsible me, a pass-time weed user, who enjoyed life to it's best, got through a break-up with his girlfriend of 3 years ( we lived together for almost two ), quit his job, moved back with my parents - back to the hometown I didn't like much ( to say the least ). After a month of plain suffering, and self analyzing, something clicked, or snapped, whichever.
I got an awesome job, decided to give university another shot, rented a place in a different city, and after about a year of that, analyzed myself again.
What is bothering me now is, that I no longer get high to have fun, or to enjoy some free time, it's gone down to pure maintenance of sorts. It's worth noting that I've tried all drugs I could've gotten my hands on, excluding Heroin - never quite liked the idea of it.
If I've got a hard workday/week coming up, I hit up with some speed ( amphetamines ) to get through it, if I get too stressed at work, I weed up to relax and maximize my "rest" time. If I want to phase out, and enjoy the company of some friends that can drop by, I do MDMA. This became so integrated into my schedule, which in itself is quite planned out, that I started to worry a bit.
Also a note - not sure if it's due to my insane metabolism, but I get off of drugs quite quickly ( e.x. a high dosage of cocaine + mdma + speed ) took me about a day. All my addictions are purely psychological.
Is this something I'd need to worry about ? I'd really love to hear some opinions, to make sure I've got this in check. ( The very writing of this article got me thinking how I'm a control freak, never been one though ).
Any comments would be greatly appreciated !
In any case - I'm glad to be here !
I appreciate the time you took to read this.
I've been stalking this forum for quite some time, reading up on what I can and thought I should, gaining much ( let's call it second hand ) experience from you fellas and gals.
A thought has crossed my mind about joining up, sharing my "problems" with you, and perhaps hearing a thought or two of the same, I'm not nearly that far in life to consider myself all-experienced and all-knowing, so here goes !
I apologize in advance for any irrelevant info, I'll try to keep this "short".
PAST
( feel free to skip this part, just some introduction into my psyche )
( feel free to skip this part, just some introduction into my psyche )
Born in the 90s, during wartime, I have some early memories of bombs, corpses, war-torn buildings, and also a life-saving hernia operation ( got a hernia when I had to jump off a 2nd story window due to it being set ablaze )
Mind you, all this happened during the first 4 years of my life.
I grew up in the same city, but not the country I was born in, my father was an alcoholic ( switched from meds to alcohol to combat some drawbacks of the former ). I was interested in electronics and computers, soldered my first cable at around 7 years of age, programmed in Fortran at around 10. It's worth noting that I was no wunderkind, was almost expelled from school for two-three times, my grades were maximum in a few subjects, and the bare minimum in others.
I've been irresponsible for most of my life, enjoyed it quite a bit too. Had the greatest time up until about 19 years of age, was what many people would consider an alcoholic as well.
Oh, did I mention my parents got divorced when I was around 11 ? It was a good thing too, no more arguing for me to listen to, and two places I could jump to and back from when I got fed up with one. The only side-effects I've found while self-analyzing are that I despise cheating ( my mum did once, causing pop to sedate ), but I guess that's a good thing.
INTERMEDIATE
( how it changed )
That irresponsible me, a pass-time weed user, who enjoyed life to it's best, got through a break-up with his girlfriend of 3 years ( we lived together for almost two ), quit his job, moved back with my parents - back to the hometown I didn't like much ( to say the least ). After a month of plain suffering, and self analyzing, something clicked, or snapped, whichever.
I got an awesome job, decided to give university another shot, rented a place in a different city, and after about a year of that, analyzed myself again.
PRESENT
Routine - that's what I became. The pure chaos I used to enjoy became a vague memory, with random ( rarely occurring ) appearances. I stopped going out ( didn't in about a year ), I support 5 people with my paycheck, and paying two rents and a mortgage as well. I'm used to being broke, so I don't mind, don't have much to spend it on anyways. That's when I realized that most of "me-money" gets spent on drugs.
What is bothering me now is, that I no longer get high to have fun, or to enjoy some free time, it's gone down to pure maintenance of sorts. It's worth noting that I've tried all drugs I could've gotten my hands on, excluding Heroin - never quite liked the idea of it.
If I've got a hard workday/week coming up, I hit up with some speed ( amphetamines ) to get through it, if I get too stressed at work, I weed up to relax and maximize my "rest" time. If I want to phase out, and enjoy the company of some friends that can drop by, I do MDMA. This became so integrated into my schedule, which in itself is quite planned out, that I started to worry a bit.
Also a note - not sure if it's due to my insane metabolism, but I get off of drugs quite quickly ( e.x. a high dosage of cocaine + mdma + speed ) took me about a day. All my addictions are purely psychological.
Is this something I'd need to worry about ? I'd really love to hear some opinions, to make sure I've got this in check. ( The very writing of this article got me thinking how I'm a control freak, never been one though ).
Any comments would be greatly appreciated !
In any case - I'm glad to be here !
I appreciate the time you took to read this.
