the-hated
Greenlighter
im Michael Llamas
new to TDS, tho i have my own history with fighting my life.
ill just skip the details and ugly parts and talk about the possitive side which is i finally found a therapsit that seems to help at least a little. after repeatdly trying to medications, i never really found something that keeps my mood ok but along the way i grew a intrest in pharmoclogy of psych meds and became some sort of a small time pill popper, always know what im taking or mixing b4 i do it
i try to live by the rule of not doing any drugs unless its for fun or celebration never to make me happy but thats hard to do sometimes.
been cought attemping suicide in highschool, wasnt the first time but that time my world crashed down and i got addicted to painkillers caz of how easy acess i had to them. i eventully found friends online and slowly broke myself away from the addcition, i will still take a painkiller or two when i have some but i dont get addicted like b4. addiction was my soultion for depression.
so far i havnt gotten addicted to anythign else again but im still struggling with my depression. i dont want to talk about all the reasons that have added to my depression becasue that would take to long but i hope when i find myself in trouble maybe ill find some new advice on here that i havnt already heard of.
its been haunting me, i felt i have made progress, as a whole yes i have made progress but i relapse so much in my depression and desrcutive moods one of my best friends said it seems like no matter what i try to do to help myself im still depressed. they thoght that i wake up everyday wanting to die, im not that bad well alsmot, im not that down every day but i do have such feelings at least a few times everyday. that was a rude awaking to see that the outside world saw me as failing becase i keep having relapses in depression but if i look at the big picture im better than i was before, sure at the moment im not the best ive been but at least im trying.
the only recent thing that concerns me is how now suicidual thoughts have become less and less of a dramtic thought, i no longer need to cry or feel sad to think about death. i feel that maybe ive came to the point where i dont even need a crisis to push me over. its scary to think that i feel that suicide has been a thought i had since i was six years old, a though so old that now it seems like i could do it at any moment if i wanted, as simple as making a glass of water. im not sure how much i should worry about this new train of thought but im aware of it and trying to prevent it untill i can no longer try.
new to TDS, tho i have my own history with fighting my life.
ill just skip the details and ugly parts and talk about the possitive side which is i finally found a therapsit that seems to help at least a little. after repeatdly trying to medications, i never really found something that keeps my mood ok but along the way i grew a intrest in pharmoclogy of psych meds and became some sort of a small time pill popper, always know what im taking or mixing b4 i do it
i try to live by the rule of not doing any drugs unless its for fun or celebration never to make me happy but thats hard to do sometimes.
been cought attemping suicide in highschool, wasnt the first time but that time my world crashed down and i got addicted to painkillers caz of how easy acess i had to them. i eventully found friends online and slowly broke myself away from the addcition, i will still take a painkiller or two when i have some but i dont get addicted like b4. addiction was my soultion for depression.
so far i havnt gotten addicted to anythign else again but im still struggling with my depression. i dont want to talk about all the reasons that have added to my depression becasue that would take to long but i hope when i find myself in trouble maybe ill find some new advice on here that i havnt already heard of.
its been haunting me, i felt i have made progress, as a whole yes i have made progress but i relapse so much in my depression and desrcutive moods one of my best friends said it seems like no matter what i try to do to help myself im still depressed. they thoght that i wake up everyday wanting to die, im not that bad well alsmot, im not that down every day but i do have such feelings at least a few times everyday. that was a rude awaking to see that the outside world saw me as failing becase i keep having relapses in depression but if i look at the big picture im better than i was before, sure at the moment im not the best ive been but at least im trying.
the only recent thing that concerns me is how now suicidual thoughts have become less and less of a dramtic thought, i no longer need to cry or feel sad to think about death. i feel that maybe ive came to the point where i dont even need a crisis to push me over. its scary to think that i feel that suicide has been a thought i had since i was six years old, a though so old that now it seems like i could do it at any moment if i wanted, as simple as making a glass of water. im not sure how much i should worry about this new train of thought but im aware of it and trying to prevent it untill i can no longer try.
