Introduce Yourself

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Despite the join date and the post count I've been around a while on BL. Just never a regular in TDS. Perhaps this shall change.

Hello all.
 
^^ Hi Sadie! Welcome to Bluelight, I'm glad you decided to join up and start posting :) <3
 
have made some posts to date but wondering what flavor of dark is consumed here will be finding out in short order i suppose
 
I'm Dishearten.


Well,
my real name is Ashley.
I have been a IV user for about 3 or 4 years now, seems like time has gone by so fast being high all the time that ive forgotten how long it's been..

I've also been a cutter and anorexic/bulimia since i was 12.
so-- if anybody needs to tlk about that i'll be here.

I've been suicidal for almost half my life.
In and out of psych wards, just got out of one two days ago for suicide/detox.
the thing about suicide with me..
is that i never want to live.
i never feel like i will ever have a happy life.
cutting and using and attention from others that only seen me as a piece of ass is what my fuel was.
im ugly, fat, and useless and that's how i feel i will always be.
and i dont think any of these problems ive mentioned thus far will ever diminish. so that's that, and most likely ill like this forum lol.

basically, my life has consisted of abuse in so many ways.
from my family, friends, ex fiance, and drug dealers.
and it only makes me want to hurt myself more.

well,
this is my introduction.
if anyone would like to talk to me-- feel free because i would never throw away an opportunity to help anyone in need.

<3


Ash


 
I'm Dishearten.


Well,
my real name is Ashley.
I have been a IV user for about 3 or 4 years now, seems like time has gone by so fast being high all the time that ive forgotten how long it's been..

I've also been a cutter and anorexic/bulimia since i was 12.
so-- if anybody needs to tlk about that i'll be here.

I've been suicidal for almost half my life.
In and out of psych wards, just got out of one two days ago for suicide/detox.
the thing about suicide with me..
is that i never want to live.
i never feel like i will ever have a happy life.
cutting and using and attention from others that only seen me as a piece of ass is what my fuel was.
im ugly, fat, and useless and that's how i feel i will always be.
and i dont think any of these problems ive mentioned thus far will ever diminish. so that's that, and most likely ill like this forum lol.

basically, my life has consisted of abuse in so many ways.
from my family, friends, ex fiance, and drug dealers.
and it only makes me want to hurt myself more.

well,
this is my introduction.
if anyone would like to talk to me-- feel free because i would never throw away an opportunity to help anyone in need.


<4

Ash
 
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^^ Hi Ashley, nice to meet you. Sounds like you've come to the right place <3
I look forward to seeing you around The Dark Side :)


And welcome to you too woodspiece!
 
Welcome to BL. I'm pretty new here myself but I can already tell you that this place can be very therapeutic and hopefully you will end up believing the same =) Like theotherside26 said, plenty of people (including myself) will be able to relate to you and knowing that alone will hopefully allow you to learn more and feel better!
 
Welcome to blueLight! Would you mind if I sent you a friend request and we talked? I joined this forum because i was tierd of people in my life not wanting to talk to me about my problems, it has been so helpful so far. By the way, I was born and raised in Upstate Newyork, im flying up there sunday, Into albany airport.
 
Welcome to blueLight! Would you mind if I sent you a friend request and we talked? I joined this forum because i was tierd of people in my life not wanting to talk to me about my problems, it has been so helpful so far. By the way, I was born and raised in Upstate Newyork, im flying up there sunday, Into albany airport.

hah yeh thats sweet, upstate new york sucks lol.
but thats kool.
sure you can send me a request. :)
 
Welcome to blueLight! Would you mind if I sent you a friend request and we talked? I joined this forum because i was tierd of people in my life not wanting to talk to me about my problems, it has been so helpful so far. By the way, I was born and raised in Upstate Newyork, im flying up there sunday, Into albany airport.

Where about were you born? I used to live close to Albany back in 2005/2006 and my significant other is from Utica. I LOVE Albany and that airport is so nice and cute. He took me back to NY this past winter to ski in Lake Placid and see his family and I got to do a lot more looking around as far as being upstate goes. It was beautiful, even if Utica isn't exactly the best place ever ;) The Adirondacks were lovely.
 
Kingston medical hospital. I use to run away to the mountains and go hiking (I would steal one of my parents cars)
 
Welcome to Bluelight, and to The Dark Side <3
I'm going to merge this with our "Introduce yourself" thread, which I see you've already posted in.
I look forward to seeing more from you hun!
 
I left TDS on bad terms quite a long while ago. But I'm back, because it's stupid not to be here. Helping other people makes me feel a little bit better about things, so there's no reason not to. The brief history: I'm 25, just graduated college, moving away from the boring, awful city I live in as soon as possible. I have PTSD as a result of a shitty childhood, but I was blessed to never have any addiction problems - my mom is an alcoholic chain smoker (with severe narcissism and sociopathic issues), and all her siblings but one have serious addiction problems, and my dad's side of the family is rife with mental illness (my dad's bipolar as far as I can tell, but he pretty much refuses help). The fact that I'm functional at all is pretty shocking, really. I was in the psych ward for two weeks about two years ago as the result of someone deliberately triggering my PTSD, three days on total lockdown, and I've been alright since then, but the meds make me very dull, and I'm not loving it...
 
Hello...

Have just found this forum recently and it is pretty good :D I am not really sure what it is about as there seems to be sections for pretty much everything on here, and it is refreshing that everyone doesnt feel the need to call themselves "swim" like on some other forums!

I have done quite a lot of drugs in my time but dont really do them that much anymore.... I am interested in them and plan to try out some new ones soon... I try not to get too mashed anymore as in the past i have done quite a lot of various drugs especially MDMA and amphetamines and suffered quite a lot from it so I try and keep my drug usage sensible nowadays but tbh i dont plan to ever stop entirely as i just love that "high" feeling (opiate high, MDMA, amphetamines etc. all great :D).

I try and keep fit and healthy, go the the gym and all that nowadays but still have an urge to take substances a couple times a month and I also like dihydrocodeine maybe once a week... but I figure if you only do it a few times a month and are otherwise healthy then it cant do you that much harm :p

Seems like theres is a lot of interesting posters on here and a pretty cool forum :D
 
hi

Hi
I've been semi lurking(have posted only a few times) but never really said much.
Don't feel like writing, but think I should post something since I read so much of everyone else's experiences.

Have had on/off MDD since I was 10. Currently on Paxil--for 3 years. Every few years I have to change medication because it stops working.

Eating disorders since I was 15. Bulimia and anorexia.

Been through alcoholism(never drink any more---haven't for many years), and am currently addicted to vicodin(about 2 years heavy---but have used it for several years).

That's my life of addiction in a nutshell. lol. Sort of funny when I read it.....just because I am an "older woman" and this seems so pathetically redundant for my age.

Anyway, I appreciate all the shared stories I read. Seems with each one I find something I can relate to in one way or another.

Hopefully can push myself into posting more, as I think it will help ease some of the noise in my brain that goes on and on all the time.

Keep shining on~ <3
 
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