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drug_wench said:
i do a bit of target shooting myself wen i havnt bn down to our familys hunting lodge for awhile (i kind of get gun withdrawals ;)) - usually with a rifle since thats wat i use to shoot game but i like (and seem to b quite gd at) pistol shooting too

anyway......official welcome i guess :)
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whts your fav rifle for target? I'm torn between .22-250 ruger m77 and remington model 700 in 30-06.
 
^my winchester 300 is my baby i must admit - ive had that gun since my granddad died wen i was 6
i wasnt allowed to use it till i was ten - i learnt to shoot rabbits with my .22 till then, then my cousin (who i always idolised a bit) took me deer-hunting for the first time with the winchester
it felt so heavy at first but man was i hooked!

if im not shooting game tho i just use a .22 cos thats all they hav at the shooting range in auckland - im tending to enjoy using a pistol more for target practise lately actually tho
just something diffrent i guess :)
 
here for soom help and support

so im here to introduce my self im jay. ive been on probation for three years for a burg 1! I have till this tuesday. here is my thing im dirty as fuck in only the green. I only send in check up letters once a month U know the bla bla thing. last time i talk to her was over a year ago she is very nice kinda understands me k. so a failed a ua like over two yyears ago did the three days in jail cuz u know they don't need me taking up the space. any ways all I can come up with is if I have to piss its going to b clear I think that will make me fail or have to come back in later that day and do it again. I feel like ive done my time! let me just go b on my way. so please give me some help here want ideas and support.

your fellow man
jay jay
 
Welcome spudspud :) It sounds like you are just about out of the system. Congrats, even when you are working with decent people who are just doing their job its still hard to know everything you do can be scrutinized. Hope everything goes great from here on out.
 
welcome spudspud - nah getting busted is never nice but like enki said it sounds like ur nearly thru all the BS
feel free to browse the forum and add to any threads u identify with
 
Hi all! I'm new here. I suffer from depression and borderline personality disorder, and I've also developed a pretty bad meth habit. In just one year I've gone from having an occasional puff with friends to using it every day just to function properly. I'm thinking about trying to get clean, but I keep procrastinating and haven't yet made a serious effort. I guess it's cos I have so many other issues to deal with that I sometimes don't see much point. Anyway, I'm glad I found this forum... I think it'll give me the support and encouragement I need! :)
 
hey, and uhm, welcome to BL eh....I'd not normally post in these sorta threads, but as one twaked out SOB my self, I know what it can feel like.

if you ever need to just rant and rave in way that doesnt suit the fourms, feel free to PM me. I promise I'll read it and reply. (even if its the reply of another tweakers poorly formed thoughs)
 
Hi DarkSiders!

I found bluelight about a month ago, and I'm totally hooked, especially love the dark side. What a great site, it's comforting to find people who have been through some tough shit, like me, who don't judge you, and can offer advice or encouraging words when you need it!

Anyway, I am female, 38 years old, originally from Jersey, now living in Florida. I have 2 kids, 17 and 18, a husband with hep C, and my mentally disabled (psychotic, OCD) brother who live with me. I am the only one working right now (except kids have PT jobs) and it completely stresses me out most of the time.

I have a long and troubled addicted past, although right now I consider myself to be the most "in control" than I have been in a long time. My DOC right now is oxycodone, I do anywhere from 90 to 180 mgs daily. My hubby is right there with me, so not only do I have to support my habit, but his as well! To be totally honest, if not for the financial aspect of this addiction, I would have nothing bad to say about it. I love my pills, just hate constantly scheming and plotting on how to get them! Guess that's why I'm drawn to the dark side!

Anyway, I have found many interesting and thought-provoking threads in here, and have had a few questions answered for me already. So I just wanted to say hello, and glad to meet you all!
 
welcome to both of u

sweet P - i get ur name, not many on this forum will but i do, as im an aucklander and im a recovering P addict myself (well i still slip up here and there - i spent all night sweating and grinding my teeth like a motherfucker cos i unfortunately found some old gear hidden in my wardrobe just last night)

plz feel free to PM me as i can totally identify with wat its like to fight P (i was using daily for 8yrs up till last yr) and since we both live in NZ and all i can relate even more (how evry fucker and his uncle smokes/shoots the stuff so its pretty hard to avoid), and i will happily give u some advice and support u in ur quest towards a P-free life :)
 
drug_wench said:
welcome to both of u

sweet P - i get ur name, not many on this forum will but i do, as im an aucklander and im a recovering P addict myself (well i still slip up here and there - i spent all night sweating and grinding my teeth like a motherfucker cos i unfortunately found some old gear hidden in my wardrobe just last night)

plz feel free to PM me as i can totally identify with wat its like to fight P (i was using daily for 8yrs up till last yr) and since we both live in NZ and all i can relate even more (how evry fucker and his uncle smokes/shoots the stuff so its pretty hard to avoid), and i will happily give u some advice and support u in ur quest towards a P-free life :)
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Thanks DW! It's great to see another kiwi here. You've done well to turn things around after 8 years. I might PM you sometime :)
 
Hello!

Hello Blue Light,

My name is Ben and I live in North Texas. I am 39 and I am a professional in the banking/sales industry and I have the worlds greatest wife and son.

I have been snorting coke off and on for all of my adult life but it was never a regular thing. About a month ago I had a stuffy nose but still wanted to party. I started reading on line about making crack but I did not have the ingredients and it was late, I was drunk and not about to drive in that condition!

I had recently gotten a box of 100 insulin needls for some prescribed medication and vitamins. So I searched the web and the first thing that pulled up was a step by step guide on how to shoot up cocaine! So I banged a quarter of a gram and as many of you here are probably aware, I got a major rush from it. The rush was different than anything I had ever felt, and I LIKED IT! I thought, this is cool, I can do this while my nose is stopped up then go back to snorting. OH HELL NO! I started shooting up 2-3 times a day within 2 days of starting. Today I shot up 26 times!!!!!!!

I have never really been addicted to anything like this besides cigarettes, which I quit almost 3 years ago. This shit calls to me, no matter where I am or what I am doing the craving never goes away.

Please realize that I am a Professional, and my wife is too. I keep thinking to myself, how did this happen? HOW IN THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN! I coached my sons t-ball team for goodness sake! I have so many responsibilities and people that depend on me. I cant be an addict, specifically an iv drug user......dont they call them "Junkies"?

I am sooooo embarassed that I cant tell my wife, and I am afraid if I tell my boss that I will get fired! I know that my wife will still love me and accept me and help me deal with this problem, but I dont want her to know about it. I know that is wrong and that I should tell her but I just feel like I can quit and no one will know. From reading on here, I have already heard that that is how addiction propogates because people are embarassed to talk to the people that love them and those people are their best chance at recovery.

Sorry for the long post, but I took a large blast about 37 minutes ago and I am still wired. It is almost 11pm here right now, I have a meeting in the morning and I am thinking about doing another shot! How fucking stupid is that? In fact, shooting up coke is extremely dumb, and I know this!

Thanks for listening and any comments that you have will be appreciated!


Most of the posts that I have read have been very honest and caring. I need that right now because I am falling off of the cliff! I am 39.

Thank you in advance for your support!
 
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Ben- Welcome to BL........

Have you thought about contacting any local drug counseling services?
Maybe talk to your Dr.?
I'm not sure if I missed how long you have been shooting up but if you've been snorting coke off and on your entire adult life I think you'd benefit from counseling to help with getting sober......
I wish you the best of luck.......
 
ocean said:
Ben- Welcome to BL........

Have you thought about contacting any local drug counseling services?
Maybe talk to your Dr.?
I'm not sure if I missed how long you have been shooting up but if you've been snorting coke off and on your entire adult life I think you'd benefit from counseling to help with getting sober......
I wish you the best of luck.......
Click to expand...



Thanks for the thoughts Ocean and advice Ocean. I quit coke yesterday. it has been 24 hours since I shot up. I started iv coke 21 days ago and I am DONE with it. I have decided to quit while I am still alive, what a dumb thing to start doing.
 
Hello everyone, this is my first post on these forums. I kind of found these forums by chance while searching for helpful information regarding benzo withdrawal, and helpful information is what I found, but also much more. I feel like I found people I can relate to, and have a chance to talk with them. I found you.

Right now I feel that my cognitive abilities are really fucked up, it takes me ages to write stuff I should be able to do much faster, so bear with me and my possibly messy text, I have a hard time judging it myself right now :).

I've been prescribed and eating mostly clonazepam and temazepam for 3 years or so, my memory is quite hazy though so I'm not even sure about the exact dosages, except that they varied a lot and that I must have eaten a few thousand pills according to all the empty pill bottles. I actually thought I was mentally ill and the doctors insisted that I have somekind of a permanent and life-long mental illness which can't be cured, so I was happily eating the pills which I now believe were/are infact the sole cause of my problems (I started eating them because of depression). Ironically I tried to kill myself twice with benzos without even knowing what they were doing to me, I didn't even realize I was physically dependant on them at that time, I just thought that it was me being sort of broken beyond any repair.

So I've been living alone for a few years in this haze, not knowing what's wrong with me, smoking weed most of the time to alleviate withdrawal symptoms I didn't know existed. I'd say weed is the only thing that kept me alive during this time, it really was the only thing I could find true joy in life and thus it became a reason to live. Sort of a sanctuary, one true ally that I knew would never let me down.

Now my memory is failing me and I really lost the track of what I'm trying to write/say, but I'm sort of forcing myself to do this because I remember wanting to do so, even though my mind is constantly making up excuses why I should delete all this text and just stay in isolation.

Anyway, as soon as I realized that benzos are actually causing all this shit, I sort of panicked and started withdrawing way too fast, probably nearly killing myself in the process. Right now I feel like I'm on the safe side, though the symptoms are making me wish I was dead. This is my third night without any benzo at all (after a fast, 3-4 week tapering with clonazepam and going CT with temazepam about a month ago) and things are quite confusing and reality seems like a stranger. I'm confident that I don't want to take any benzo ever again even if it might alleviate the symptoms I suffer from. I really hate benzodiazepines more than anything else in the world right now, and that feels like an understatement.

I'm too afraid to smoke weed right now because of the risk of seizures, but I'm hoping I can start smoking again after three more weeks or so. Hell, I find even regular sugar somewhat dangerous at the moment, I feel it makes me very anxious and I get cravings constantly (long time sugar addict hehe).

Nights are the worst, my brain works the least during that time, so hopefully I'll be able to write something more coherent tomorrow. This took me over 1,5 hours I think :)
 
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