^I'm glad that you decided to join,
shimmeredmedulla (great name!). If you have not already done so, be sure to check out Sober Living threads in particular as these can be really helpful for day-to-day support. Its always been a mystery to me how recovery houses have the zero tolerance policy about relapse. I can understand in a way that the point is to protect the group from the proximity of a particular substance but since relapse is such a documented normal part of recovery it has always seemed cruel to me that programs can't figure out a way to encompass it. Making people lie--when often trust is a major issue in their lives--seems particularly backwards. Congratulations on your own determination to change your life--and all the progress you have made. Its people that have been in the struggle that can help the most. As far as beefs with 12 go, you will find lots of like minds. My way of looking at it is this: take what is useful from everything and leave the rest. I liken it to me sitting in a beautiful cathedral. I don't buy into the religion--in fact I see it as a destructive force for the most part--but I can still be calmed by the beauty of the edifice and the light coming through the stained glass without buying into anything else. It's your life and you get to choose how to think and feel and what to adhere to. But a lot of people waste a lot of their energy fighting over stuff that is not even contained in the 12-step philosophy--it's the crap that some people bring to it rather than the 12 steps themselves.
Thanks for being here.
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keyed: those are good goals. I'm 60--yikes, I'd better get used to saying 61 because it's coming soon!--and learning about myself is still goal #1. I find that the more I really try to understand myself honestly the more I can understand other people without judgment. Welcome to TDS!
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MelodicLogic: (another great name!) I'm sorry to hear about your recent scary OD. What kind of support did they offer you when they released you from the hospital? I would encourage you to take any support they are offering in the form of counseling etc. Much love and hope for healing.
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k_kray: It sounds like you feel very trapped and I can understand how and why. Do you have access to counseling? What about a doctor that you can trust to help wean you off? As scary as it may be to tell your husband, I think it is imperative; not only for your relationship and the support you are going to need but also because he is still using them recreationally and this is going to be very hard for you. In terms of WD there is no way to avoid it completely but there are many things that you can do to mitigate how severe it is. Here is something that could be useful to you:
http://opiatewithdrawaltips.com/thomas-recipe/ Good luck and don't let yourself succomb to any shame around the situation you are in--it happens to many people from every walk of life every day.
To everyone new to posting here: Welcome! TDS is a wonderful, dynamic and alive entity that all of us collectively create 24/7 every day. Moderators are just a few volunteers that try to make sure the forum runs smoothly without abuse or breaking rules that would put the site at risk. If you have any questions or concerns, PM any moderator. People helping other people with empathy, honesty form the core of this beautiful, if often messy, world. It's your world whether you have posted once or 1000 times, so feel free to start threads of your own if need be or just to jump into existing threads. The best part of this place is that you can find honesty without judgment. The way I see it one of the most powerful aspects of addiction is the internalization of shame that the world seems to reserve for drug use alone. Harm reduction must have at its core a resolve to expose shame as the insidious voice that holds so many people captive in its sway. By getting to know each other here--whether you are using, in recovery or slipping back and forth between the two--we can create something that is beyond 12 steps, beyond willpower, beyond any one particular philosophy or creed about addiction and recovery; we can create a group force that simply says: come here and speak your own truth. We can listen. The debates and the explorations move us all forward.
