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TDS Introduce Yourself! Version: Hello! Hola! Bonjour! 你好!

Jambo bwana!

I'm from Tanzania, East africa I love the way people gives each other hopes and courages to thrives within an insane and killer situation. I'm humbled.

Hakuna matata!
 
Hello! and welcome. Yes, this part of Bluelight is a very supportive and welcoming place. If you have a questions about navigating the site or any thing else please do not hesitate to send me a PM. You live in a beautiful country!
 
Hello, not exactly new, but never introduced my self in the Dark Side Thread....here goes!

Started using H2 dope since I was 15.....plagued me until I was 18. Finnaly got sober for 8 years apart from the good old herb and mothers little helpers from time to time....got robbed and shot twice (details too long and quite frankly causes my anxiety to rise)... Was in ICU for 4 months....dismissed with a huge script for 100mcg Fentanyl patches and as much Oxynorm capsules ready for nasal action as much as I wish, including intranasal fentanyl.....stayed 3 years on an underneath waterfall of any opiate I asked for.

Finally in 2014, Titrrated down all meds and jumped onto the Subutex train....now I'm happily off but do indulge once a week with Codeine or trams...sometimes Bube as they complement my 4year Clonazepam use (6mgs a day)

I lost everything in 2014; girlfriend, job etc. Now it's 2015, got a new job, married and a father to be God willing.

Short n sweet to read, 5 years of hell to endure, and I would never wish what I went through to anyone, anyone.

Papaopi surviving
 
welcome to the recovery section PaPaOPI.

im glad to hear that you managed to get off opiates after starting so young, and it sounds like life is looking up now.
 
Hi computer land,
Grand introductions aside, I'm just like you. I've been a voracious reader of Bluelight, in my super secretive research on how to perfect my disease.
But then my disease perfected ME. And I've been literally scared to death. I know I died a couple times this year. I've broken so many hearts and if I smile it is strained. I am
I don't know why I am here (alive, on this planet) I should def be dead right now. I don't believe in God. BUT... I swear to God (that I don't believe in) I fucking saw Hell.
I want some sort of semblance of peace. I want to feel OK about waking up n the morning. I want to not avoid eye contact with people I encounter.
I'm Looking for answers on a new philosophy of how to live. Is that possible without believing in anything? I started getting high because life was so painful just to breathe as far back as I can remember. I feel like a lonely cactus looking for a hug.
 
Welcome to TDS. <3Where do you think all that pain started? Do you have any access to counseling or have you tried that in the past?
 
HI Herbivore, :)
The first time I was in therapy I was in 2nd grade. On and off since then. I guess childhood abuse is where is started. My brain changed at that point I believe. Developed Borderline Personality Disorder due to the changes in my brain trying be in survival mode that young. I don't go anymore feeling like, I've always been this way and feel it's a life sentence I've begrudgingly accepted.
 
Hello everyone I'm unknownxpleasures from Orange County, California. 25 years young. Long time lurker as well, always looking up ways to get high safely. I've managed to kick opiates, turn my life around, today I'm in a relationship with a man who is not an addict and recently we found out I'm eight weeks pregnant. Well, Doctor calls me on a Friday at the end of her work day I tel l her I need to call her back cause I'm about to go to dinner with my mother for her birthday. She shouts out I have hep c, the panel was done more than three weeks ago and they barely told me now. They knew at my first prenatal visit. I feel so guilty like I'm paying for mistakes I made and I'm just totally overwhelmed and am going through a painful growing period but in a state of isolation so I remember blue light and all the support I've gotten in the past here and I know it's a safe place so please if anyone has gone through a similar situation that I could talk to I would be ever so grateful. ?❤️???
 
^I am going to try to contact someone that used to be on BL that also had Hep C and successfully went through a pregnancy and delivered a healthy baby. I would suggest making a thread with that in the title so more people will see it.

I am glad that you now have the knowledge you need. Do not give in to shame and guilt--that only produces unnecessary stress for you and the baby. With good medical care you will both be fine and the most important thing is that you should be proud of the steps you took to turn your life around. These 9 months are some of the most precious months of your life--enjoy every minute! I feel like people that have overcome addiction are some of the strongest and wisest people and you will bring that strength and wisdom to motherhood. Maybe you could find a therapist that teaches mindfulness and do a bit of work around your feelings about the Hep C. It is a major reality to have to encompass and you will be trying to do so while your hormones are fluctuating during the pregnancy and even more afterwards when you have the stress of a new baby and all the sleepless nights. Getting some solid tools to use now will do you a world of good. Congratulations on the pregnancy!<3

In the meantime, here is the thread she started:http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...ound-out-i-have-hep-c?highlight=hep+pregnancy
 
Hello everyone!

I'm back from my 6month ban. Embarrassed to hell about my actions that lead to it, and I want all staff who i messed with to know i am sincerely apologetic about it all. IM SORRY basically. It was unlike me, i was on a soul, mind heart and body stealing drug called tianeptine. I know.. it's not an excuse and i chose to take it, but it took control of me. I'm on suboxone and I am in recovery (again). Tianeptine is not just an opiate, it works on all types of shit and messes with your brain chemistry.. please if anyone reading this takes it or thinks about taking it. PASS on it, it's not worth it.
I'll be frequenting this sub forum a little more often now.
Mostly in: Words and Other Drugs. I try to come here (TDS) when I need some help, and go to NMI to welcome the newbs to BL and to talk to the awesome staff and regulars in the social.
Be seeing y'all around!
Have a good one everybody, positive thoughts and vibes to all.

-HOOD
 
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Hi to you.<3 I am so sorry that you are having to deal with SPMS--I cannot imagine everything that entails. Do you have a good support system (doctors, family, social services) or is that something that could be improved? Sometimes, you just can't be positive and you have to let the full force of grief hit you. PM me if you feel like you need someone to talk to. MS is a terribly unfair and arbitrary hell and I think you are amazingly strong just to even try to reach out here.<3
 
Hi I am fairly new to this site and I really fell in love with the support here. I have been addicted to opiates most of my life and always was forced to stop, never wanting to. Now that I have decided to take care of my mom who is 90y I quit my job and my days are long so I started reading. I am reaching the point of why do I do this all the time, but no answer yet. It's a start, I guess it's my decision, opiates are my best and only friend but I think it's time to find new ones, I hope you are feeling better lilsnick
 
Whats up everybody? I'm Fuji, long time lurker, first time actually registering like a man. Lol
This site has helped me constantly with HR and just in general with positive thinking and smart decision making.

Anyway, I'm from Toledo, Ohio. Opiate addict currently in recovery. I used to use oxycodone primarily 90-120mg daily.

Now im on Subutex for replacement therapy. It definitely gets the job done!

But anyhow, don't be a stranger! Feel free to email me, or contact me in any way if you'd like to chit chat. I'm always open to meetin new friends, especially here on Bluelight where I honestly feel most at home with a bunch of fellow junkers like myself!

Cheers!
-fuji
 
Hi, I'm Paul. I'm from the UK. Like fujigridtv I've lurked a while but haven't posted.

I'm in my mid thirties and feel like I'm at a bit of a crossroads with drug use. I used acid and weed in my teens, had a bad experience then didn't touch drugs for about 15 years as I was phobic of them. However, because of treatment resistant severe depression my shrink prescribed a mild stimulant. At first I refused to take it but at some point things became so bad that I caved in and took it. It helped a lot.

Unfortunately it opened a Pandora's Box. Not only did the mild stimulant help but I liked it. No longer so fearful of drugs (especially stimulants) I moved up to Dexamfetamine and then later on, coke. I've only used for a short while but am pretty sure I already have some level of addiction. I have also started taking Oxycodone but don't have a physical addiction to it..... yet.

I can easily see how badly this might end up, both with the coke and the oxy. As I'm sure many addicts started out, my hope was thath I could use these substances recreationally. However I'm all too aware that I'm not any stronger or more disciplined than people who started out using recreationally and progressed to addiction, and know it could easily happen to me.

I'm at the tail end of a minor oxy/coke binge over the last 3 days and the usual feelings of shame and depression are setting in. I'm ruminating on what I should do about this and why I feel the need to use drugs in the first place. Usually at this stage I swear of all drugs forever but I know that after a couple of weeks of running, eating healthily, doing well at work, etc I will feel much better and will want to use again.
 
Hi Fuji and Paul. Welcome to both of you!:)

Paul, it's interesting that you say that the urge to rationalize recreational use comes when you are feeling good again and have your life back on track. Maybe boredom with your life is an issue? This could have many solutions. Boredom, in the case of my sons, was always a need for more adrenaline in their lives. In my case, it has more to do with a lack of meaning in the day-to-day activities that I can get caught up in. Either way, the result is restlessness and a vague hunger for things to be different. Examine your life--relationships, work, down-time, etc. What do drugs give you that you want--and how can you get more of that into your life without them? Depression gains incredible strength from living a prescribed life rather than the one that fits the true self. The key is defining, then creating the life you want. I'm 61 and still working on that!;)
 
herbavore said:
Hi Fuji and Paul. Welcome to both of you!:)

Paul, it's interesting that you say that the urge to rationalize recreational use comes when you are feeling good again and have your life back on track. Maybe boredom with your life is an issue? This could have many solutions. Boredom, in the case of my sons, was always a need for more adrenaline in their lives. In my case, it has more to do with a lack of meaning in the day-to-day activities that I can get caught up in. Either way, the result is restlessness and a vague hunger for things to be different. Examine your life--relationships, work, down-time, etc. What do drugs give you that you want--and how can you get more of that into your life without them? Depression gains incredible strength from living a prescribed life rather than the one that fits the true self. The key is defining, then creating the life you want. I'm 61 and still working on that!;)
Click to expand...

Thank you very much Herbavore. Yes I think I'm probably a bit weird in that I most want to use drugs when I feel good. When I feel down/anxious, the idea of taking them is scary to me, repugnant almost.

It's also weird because I can honestly say I don't get bored in my downtime. I love reading, writing, music, some hobbies, reading Bluelight, etc. So I don't think that's the reason for my drug use. I think I'm just one of those people that was drawn strongly to drugs from an early age. There are swarms of us but there are also tonnes of people that have no interest in them. My girlfriend is a good example, she has never tried any drug in her life (not even weed) and has no desire to. I can't relate to her in that way but I do envy her!

It may be because of the depression. I often feel so bad that when I feel good I want to feel REALLY good. Stupid, I know.

It's great that at 61 you're still working on the right way to live (for you). I have been so much happier since I quit the 'prescribed life' as you call it. Yet still, here I am jeopardizing the good life I have, like a complete and utter moron. I'm so full of self loathing and shame about it right now.

Anyway I'm getting a bit morbid/depressing and I know this is supposed to just be an intro thread so I should probably stop here.
 
Hello,
community I am man who comes from the freaky Germany.
Think the whole world is going nuts - buts not the story here...
I am about 35 years old and runined my life with drugs (at the end was it the alc benzo EPH combo.) Because cheapest and working. Ugly time. So with this situation is atm - will go :)

But I wan't back to life. Drugs a so much time/life/money - if you abuse it.
Right done - a peppermint tea - for example, there is a drug to, but no problem.

I is not so that I am or was a junkie - but because my descions where often wrong. I thought we life in a good world. Wrong :)
Taken to much to be functional with ended up always in a desaster.

Greetings from germany


Edit: I had insomia, jaws chweing, and I moved always up and down, because my parents had always trouble. Always harsh. Other story, but may be relevant some time. Good to learned my lession that my mother is and was the aggressor. She is alcoholic - super ego busted. Drinks 3l wine a day and say - only to bottles I am not drunk and felling is normal....
 
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