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Introduce Yourself! v.2.0

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^^ I love this thread for the same reason SMFG! :)


Welcome to The Dark Side k1ndz0n3! <3
 
^ It's good to know theres so many like minded people on here<3
n3o, ur truly an asset and one of the most wonderfull souls here in TDS.
take note all greenlighters!!
Hope uv been well also, i know uv been busy, dont go burnin urself out now yahear?!;)
 
Be nice to my friend K1nd0n3! Hes my adoptee!

j/k, K1nd, im glad you made your way to TDS, it has been a life saver for me in some of my darkest moments. There couldnt be a better group of supporters here, i think you will enjoy yourself here in the bluelight community!
 
Hey, Kind, welcome! By replying to others here in their threads when they are experiencing those dark times, you can really be a tremendous help. Hopelessness is the grim reaper's best friend and anything that we can do to help each other through that is powerful medicine for our collective soul IMO. I hope you will make yourself a regular here!<3
 
Hello people,

I'm "J" and I'm 35 and live in New Orleans. I'm a guy. I am unmarried and have no children. I've had nine (9) major surgeries since I turned 20 (and perhaps half again in minor surgeries), for a variety of conditions. Three (3) were for trauma (an accident). Th rest were medical conditions, as I mentioned. I am currently transitioning, medication-wise. As of now I take 100mg Kadian (2 a day), 15mg Roxicodone PRN (up to 4/day) and 75mcg Fentanyl Transdermal. The majority of my pain now is from severe rheumatoid arthritis and pain left from some surgeries and UC. I also suffer depression. I might even say depression is my biggest problem. I think I may be taking more opiates than I truly need but am afraid of saying so to my doctor. There is no doubt that I need some amount of pain medication, it's possible that I will need it for the rest of my life. I guess I'd like to know how y'all might address my situation. Please do offer any advice you might have.

As for other drug use, I don't really do much. I will occasionally smoke marijuana, though I haven't bought any in years. I drink very seldomly. Perhaps once a month, probably less. As for getting drunk, it's been at least a year. Like most people, as a teen and younger man I experimented with recreational drugs. I smoked marijuana regularly and enjoyed hallucinogins such as LSD and psilocybin mushrooms (they grow here naturally in cow manure). I tried Ecstasy once but wasn't impressed. I never tried 'hard' drugs, but I suppose that label is subjective. Most of my friends smoke marijuana with varying degrees of regularity, one even moved to the 'Golden Triangle' (Humboldt County, California) after university and makes hius living growing and selling it in bulk. Some also take pills that were not prescribed for them. Thankfully they have long since stopped asking me for mine, though the price of what I take - on the street - amazes me. So that clears that up for the curious.

I joined this site somewhat on a whim and also to see what information I could get on medications and also about my predicament. That is, taking more than I need but not knowing what it i I need. Keep in mind I DO need some, I just don't need what I'm on. Also please be mindful that the RA is not going to get better, it can only go into remission. The damage it has done is permanent and has already caused me to have surgeries. What I'm saying is that I don't know that I won't suddenly need what I'm on. It's quite a depressing situation. Anyone with advice or a similiar story I'd love to hear from.

Thank You,
"J"
 
Hi J, welcome to BL and TDS :) <3

Thank you for sharing your story. There are a lot of people here on prscription opioids who will be able to relate to you I think. Maybe you could approach your doctor and say you feel your pain is a little less now (but still present) and try to work out a tapring regime, where you can drop your dose slowly and relatively comfortably until you find the lowest dose that controls your pain?

Have you spoken to anyone about your depression? There are a range of treatment options out there - various types of therapy inc CBT, medication (not for everyone ofc) or self-help (MoodGyM and Living Life To The Full are excellent CBT websites which can be found via google; exercise is a great antidepressant and generally makes you feel good about yourself, and eating/sleeping/socialising are all important too) Do you have a good support network and people to talk to?

I would take a look at the depression megathread found in the TDS directory in my sig - lots of useful information there :) feel free to post there or start a thread if you want to chat or ask questions - there are lots of lovely people here more than willing to help!

Take care and good luck :) <3
 
Thanks to all for the warm welcome ! Just knowing that there are people with compassion, and understanding that are willing to share their time, and experience with others brings out the warm fuzzy happy feelings in me. The bonus is that someone else here will be able to relate with a simmilar mindset, and have had very simmilar experiences in their own lives. What a great find this site, and these people truly are !
Peace and One Love,
<KZ>
P.s. thanks for keeping an eye out for me necoin, couldn't have a better parent !
 
^ <3 :D i'm really glad BL is helping you. It's a wonderful place, and TDS is fantastic for giving you a warm fuzzy feeling when everything seems hopeless :) I hope you stick around!
 
Been a lurked for about a year now. Have a lot of physical and mental health problems. Feeling very alone lately so thought I'd finally introduce myself. Chronic pain, mental health issues and trouble with changing my views hurt me an awful lot ( used to be a semi pro cage fighter, now can hardly leave my house due to pain, panic and depression)

Thanks for listening

J
 
Hi, another J! Welcome to BL and TDS, I am glad you have decided to stop lurking and start posting :) <3

Really sorry to hear about all your problems. I suspect they are interlinked - psychological wellbeing can have a huge impact on physical pain and vice versa ofc. Are you being treated for these? I would recommend taking a look at the anxiety and depression megathreads in the TDS directory (in my sig and stickied) if you haven't already, and feel free to make a post/new thread if you need any advice or support. It isn't easy having to handle pain as well as psychological difficulties, and it certainly isn't easy having to change your whole lifestyle like you have. I hope you have people you can talk to about all this - well, even if you don't in real-life you have us now! :)
 
I am being treated at the minute, not that it seems to be doing much good, been suicidal for nearly a year now, whereas it was every few months and not constant. I just see you guys as so supportive and I hope it can help me hence why I posted. Thanks xx
 
Hey D2P. I know chronic pain can be tough, but there are treatments if you find a skilled a medical team to work with.

Don't take your mental illness as being 'weak' yes, you where a cage fighter...a bad ass dude! I am soldier. I suffered with Combat Stress Reaction that kept me almost locked in for a while.

My point is, you and me, we are both fighters. We fight a different style,but the fighting spirit is the same. You willbe able to fight with and beat this enemy just like so many before. Hang in there, feel free to PM too if you ever want!

Just by posting,I think you'll find you start to feel better. Sharing things helps us lighten the load.

Anyways, welcome to BL and TDS.
 
Hello TDS! Not new to bluelight, just new to these parts. I usually like to be in BDD but I've been going through some new things lately.

I've always been a happy person, healthy physically and mentally. But recently I've been having new thoughts. Thoughts making me feel like im slipping into insanity. Things don't feel as real, my thoughts are always something to do with going crazy or being depressed, both of which I don't know if I'am or not. Never have been before. I hardly know who I'am anymore... Had a break down infront of my parents so now they know about how I've been feeling which I didn't want...I'm pretty embarassed so i dont want to see a doctor...

Ha so yeah I think I'd feel alittle more comfy around TDS for awhile.
 
Hey olab! Good to see you over here <3

TDS is a lovely place, I really hope it helps you..

I'm so glad your parents know. I completely understand how you feel about not wanting them to - but I think you really need some support.. I never want my parents to know, but lately I have realised that I really need them and that it is okay to need them. Why is it you are apprehensive about seeing a doctor? I understand, but I think it is important to think about what exactly is holding you back, and what would actually happen if you did see a doctor.. sometimes we all need a little help. Do you have anyone apart from your parents to talk to? (Apart from us ofc :) )

Sometimes the *fear* of losing our grip on reality plays on our mind and we start thinking we are going crazy.. do you suffer from anxiety at all? Do you have any idea what could have triggered this? I'm so sorry to hear that you're having a difficult time <3
 
Thanks effie I hope it helps too. Seems like a great place :)

I think I'm just embarassed to see a doctor... I'm not sure why but I feel like my doctor will think I need to be in a looney bin or something or maybe they'll do tests and I'll find out I have all of these mental illnesess which will scare me more but of course would be neccessary to know so I can be treated.

But at the same time I don't want to be treated :\ I want to get through this on my own and be myself again. I started having anxiety after months of amphetamine abuse (adderall). But anxiety was only present when I would be coming down and it would be just fast heart beat panicky anxiety. I havn't abused amphetamines in awhile and since then I would have rare thoughts of "Am I depressed? I hope I'm not depressed" Or "Life doesn't feel real...Am I going crazy?" Then the thoughts kept coming more often after a series of random panic attacks.

I've been laying off the adderall and any other stims. I don't know if they're part of the problem but I feel too scared to take anything other then my xanax (which was perscribed with the adderall for anxiety the adderall caused). I just don't know how i can live 18 years of my life fine then all of a sudden start slipping into insanity...
 
You're always welcome here, olab!

Good idea on laying off the stims. It very well could be a variable in the equation.

and hey... I'm 41 and still have moments where I feel absolutely insane. Sometimes a thought just creeps into our heads and we grab onto it, make it bigger (and more unrealistic) and the next thing we know, all our other thoughts are infected by that negative perception that we created.

Its difficult to not run with our thoughts at times. Sometimes it helps me to practice recognizing when that aforementioned mentality is peeking its nose into my head. The earlier I swat it down, the better off I am. Its still fucking difficult though :(
 
^ I agree about the stims! Also about it being difficult to control thought like that when they appear..

Feeling like life isn't real is a fairly common symptom, derealisation, especially for people who have anxiety. It doesn't mean you are going crazy :) I think seeing a doctor might be a good idea though - talk it through with a professional? Hopefully it will put your mind at rest.. I feel like the longer this goes on, the more anxious it is going to make you, and the worse you will feel.. <3

It doesn't sound like you are slipping into insanity to me. It sounds like you have anxiety, and concerns about your mental health are playing on your mind.. but a doctor seeing you face to face will be able to tell much better than I can. Good luck! <3
 
I get the feeling of unreality all of the time, feeling like I'm observing my life like a movie instead of actually living it, feeling like it isn't real. Ionly found out recently it is a symptom of my anxiety/panic but it has been going on or months. Over the summer I really did think I was losing my mind and was going to ge sectioned. I was actually threatened with sectioning/police too, most recently last weekend.

Effie is right, discuss it with a dr and you won't feel as anxious about it, maybe you could try some meds to help, although I only found diazepam to help my panic/anxiety so I only ask for it when I really need it, say if I have a lot of appointments one week (I'm severely agoraphobic and can't leave the house without a lot of help)

Anxiety sucks! You're not alone though :)
 
^ thank you doomed2pain, I'm sorry you have anxiety too :(

You guys should check out the anxiety megathread if you haven't already - you are certainly not alone! <3
 
I'm just starting cbt for the panic so hopefully I'll soon be able to sit in my living room with the curtains open instead of freaking out coz too many people walk past my house. But the anxiety is also linked to the pain, body produces more adrenaline because of being in pain, then there's too much built up and the only way my body can deal wi it is having a panic attack. So as the problem is physical too, I'm not sure how easilyit can be fixed. I hope it does go eventually though, I want tobe able to go to gigs and shopping again haha.
 
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