Intro

[MsHeroine]

From the 6ix, been using for 13 years, started with heroin, got on methadone as a replacement for when I ran out of cash (10 years and counting) now going back and forth between fenty and junk. Mostly fenty these days. H is becoming harder and harder to find. Been to detox and rehab twice. Wasn’t ready at that time - prob still not. When you’ve been using for this long the guilt of hurting your loved ones after you’ve been found out is the real kicker. This ongoing cycle of knowing your hurting others by solely wanting to get a tiny bit of relief from the hurt you feel yourself blows.

Decided to finally register after visiting this site after all these years when I saw a post that CaptainHeroin had passed. So fucking sad man. My heart goes out to his family.

 

[Ds]

From the 6ix, been using for 13 years, started with heroin, got on methadone as a replacement for when I ran out of cash (10 years and counting) now going back and forth between fenty and junk. Mostly fenty these days. H is becoming harder and harder to find. Been to detox and rehab twice. Wasn’t ready at that time - prob still not. When you’ve been using for this long the guilt of hurting your loved ones after you’ve been found out is the real kicker. This ongoing cycle of knowing your hurting others by solely wanting to get a tiny bit of relief from the hurt you feel yourself blows.

Decided to finally register after visiting this site after all these years when I saw a post that CaptainHeroin had passed. So fucking sad man. My heart goes out to his family.

Welcome to Bluelight @MsHeroine
So how long have you known about Bluelight? A'boot time! Damn, 10 years is a while on Methadone. I was only on the stuff for about 6 months or so, and at the time I had a pretty hardcore Spice problem. (back when you could buy it in corner stores). So between smoking spice and taking my methadone daily, I am always in the red after I get paid from my job at the time (grocery stocker).
I ended up doing what I thought was right, and that was coming clean to my folks, telling them that I was on Methadone, and have been on it for so & so days. They literally told me to kick fucking rocks.
Did you know CH outside of BL or did you guys chat it up over here?
Well. I'm sure you are aware but check out The Dark Side, Health & Recovery,& Mental Health. As you might already be aware but there is loads of support in those forums.
Take care

 

[Jabberwocky]

When you’ve been using for this long the guilt of hurting your loved ones after you’ve been found out is the real kicker. This ongoing cycle of knowing your hurting others by solely wanting to get a tiny bit of relief from the hurt you feel yourself blows.

Hi. Okay i cried a bit. Just too truthful words. That is the absolute worst part of my addictions. But this is not about me, this is your thread, therefore, welcome to bluelight @MsHeroine I hope you find this site helpful.

 

[Coffeeshroom]

Welcome and yeah Capt H was and still is a legend in my eyes. We all miss him, some for different reasons then others but overall he is missed

Hope find this community welcoming and place where you feel safe to share what it is you need to. ask away if you need any advice or pointers in the right directions.

Regards
CoffeeShroom

 

[Jabberwocky]

Welcome to BL!

RIP CH

 

[MsHeroine]

Hi. Okay i cried a bit. Just too truthful words. That is the absolute worst part of my addictions. But this is not about me, this is your thread, therefore, welcome to bluelight @MsHeroine I hope you find this site helpful.

Lol reading that you cried a bit made me tear up too! Thanks to all for the warm welcome. I’ve been viewing threads anonymously for a few years now and this site is great. Super helpful in many different ways - Im glad something like this exists for us!

 

[MsHeroine]

Welcome to Bluelight @MsHeroine
So how long have you known about Bluelight? A'boot time! Damn, 10 years is a while on Methadone. I was only on the stuff for about 6 months or so, and at the time I had a pretty hardcore Spice problem. (back when you could buy it in corner stores). So between smoking spice and taking my methadone daily, I am always in the red after I get paid from my job at the time (grocery stocker).
I ended up doing what I thought was right, and that was coming clean to my folks, telling them that I was on Methadone, and have been on it for so & so days. They literally told me to kick fucking rocks.
Did you know CH outside of BL or did you guys chat it up over here?
Well. I'm sure you are aware but check out The Dark Side, Health & Recovery,& Mental Health. As you might already be aware but there is loads of support in those forums.
Take care

Thanks so much for those links! I never knew him personally. Just from the site in my covert viewing days and he was great! Awesome advice to the community and he was hilarious. It hits home when we lose another one you knw? I’ve od’d quite a few times given how long I’ve been doing this shit and if you’re luckily enough to wake up it just makes you think how easy it is to die. Like that’s it - over. Those thoughts can be both really dangerous for me and really encouraging. Funny how that works from day to day huh? Anyways once again thanks to all who replied!