CARESS
Bluelighter
On days like today, I find myself pondering things better left alone ~
Memories like the dark flutter of bats barely touching my peripheral vision.
Oh, to drown myself into a virtual Sea of Forgetfulness!
I tend to think too much, feel too much, remember too much...all is in excess for me.
I was once told that loving me was like staring too long into the sun...
Warm and beautiful at first, blinding and harmful later.
Life buzzes past me...the worker ants scurrying to eek out a living.
But I am the strange girl who stops cold in the middle of the exciting and crowded dancefloor of life ~
Even during the most beautiful set of music ever heard.
You see I hear the whispering of ghosts past ~ buried and yet never forgotten.
I yearn to touch small child inside me and ask it to come out and play.
But the demands of the everyday ordinary pull at me and will have their sacrifice.
Then the pages of the awesome and powerful memory book open...
I remember dark and horrific moments flooding back with the force of an a-bomb.
I have wonderful pastel springtime memories, also.
But their battle is hard-pressed to win against the fluttering of the bats in my belfry.
I would like to send the memories of villians such as my father straight to hell ~
And leave behind only the beautiful.
But maybe, a memory book of only the happy and wonderful would be a hollow lie.
For it is in adversity we find strength, determination, and victory.
I only wish the battle scars were not so deep and visible.
I search for the bandage to heal myself, but unlike Curad...everything sticks on me.
So how to continue? Do I dance on as if to say to Life itself - "You cannot break me...
For blessed are the flexible, they shall not be bent out of shape."
As I attempt to ascend out of the abyss of darkness,
I realize that realization is the first step in combatting the void.
So leaving myself open to the possibilities of new possibilites...I stumble on.
Carrying in my suitcase a variety of things great and small...
Beautiful and ugly...simple and complex...healing and harmful.
I am the ultimate contradiction. I am the soul still searching...
Above all else, I just AM.
Memories like the dark flutter of bats barely touching my peripheral vision.
Oh, to drown myself into a virtual Sea of Forgetfulness!
I tend to think too much, feel too much, remember too much...all is in excess for me.
I was once told that loving me was like staring too long into the sun...
Warm and beautiful at first, blinding and harmful later.
Life buzzes past me...the worker ants scurrying to eek out a living.
But I am the strange girl who stops cold in the middle of the exciting and crowded dancefloor of life ~
Even during the most beautiful set of music ever heard.
You see I hear the whispering of ghosts past ~ buried and yet never forgotten.
I yearn to touch small child inside me and ask it to come out and play.
But the demands of the everyday ordinary pull at me and will have their sacrifice.
Then the pages of the awesome and powerful memory book open...
I remember dark and horrific moments flooding back with the force of an a-bomb.
I have wonderful pastel springtime memories, also.
But their battle is hard-pressed to win against the fluttering of the bats in my belfry.
I would like to send the memories of villians such as my father straight to hell ~
And leave behind only the beautiful.
But maybe, a memory book of only the happy and wonderful would be a hollow lie.
For it is in adversity we find strength, determination, and victory.
I only wish the battle scars were not so deep and visible.
I search for the bandage to heal myself, but unlike Curad...everything sticks on me.
So how to continue? Do I dance on as if to say to Life itself - "You cannot break me...
For blessed are the flexible, they shall not be bent out of shape."
As I attempt to ascend out of the abyss of darkness,
I realize that realization is the first step in combatting the void.
So leaving myself open to the possibilities of new possibilites...I stumble on.
Carrying in my suitcase a variety of things great and small...
Beautiful and ugly...simple and complex...healing and harmful.
I am the ultimate contradiction. I am the soul still searching...
Above all else, I just AM.
