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Interracial Relationship?

M

MD Specialist

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 22, 2010
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Sexiest City in the World
I've been dating this girl for a little over a month now. We've known each other since Oct and there has always been a connection between the two of us. Since we've been dating feelings have only gotten stronger. I'm falling in love with her and she's falling in love with me. I'm so happy when we're together and miss her when we are apart. We've already had to cross a little obstacle and instead of tearing us apart it brought us closer together. Now we're facing something much larger.. This caught us both by surprise. Her family does not accept us because I'm black. She's white and I'm actually mixed. She knew that her parents where 'old fashion and traditional' but never believed that they would not want her to be happy, and have this much of a visceral reaction. When they found out they confronted her, and she not only stood up for us but stood up for me. This made me respect and fall for her even more. We've decided that we are going to stand by each other and continue our relationship. We know we are going to face a lot of adversity but we both believe in what we have.

I would just like to know if anyone has been through a situation like this? Has anyone had parents/family not accept you because of your race? Any advice for us to work through this? I'm willing to stand by her through thick and thin, and she's so upset and disgusted with her family there not speaking right now. I keep telling her to talk to them, not expect them to change, and forgive them. This has to be one of the most difficult situations I've ever been in.
 
Sounds like you have the right idea with the patience and forgiveness attitude. Maybe your girl and her family can use this time apart to cool down and reflect. Hopefully, then you all can spend a little time together. I believe most people will change (at least a little) when exposed to people who challenge their prejudices.

Good luck.
 
I'm guessing you've seen this Sopranos episode, right?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Proshai,_Livushka

But yeah, that sucks. Don't really have any advice for you since I've never been in that situation. It's a hurdle you have to deal with though...you don't want her parents to skip on your wedding if it comes to that, she'd probably be pretty fucking devastated, for life...
 
She is black. I am not.

She moved on to a black boy. It was easier for her.

...simple as that.
 
jesus Noodle, beacon of light over there?

OP - feel ya brah. I'm mixed too (call myself presidential ;) ) and I know that feel. You've got the right idea and basically that is all you can do. How is your family? Are they open and warm to her? I would hope so. Do some family type ish with her and your family - dinner, games, whatever, so that she feels like someone still accepts her/her relationship. Having two sides who are frosty spells doom. Really, time heals all. I don't know parents anywhere who see their child happy and growing and don't want to be a part of it, because of something as stupid as race. But then again, there are psychotic racist assholes out there - but I doubt you'd be dating their daughter anyway.
 
It's okay.

It isn't her fault she likes what she likes.

I still love black girls.

<3

The reality is that dealing with a separation of "culture" ( which is really an illusion ) can and will tax any interracial relationship.

We as a species have yet to evolve out of the tribal mind. Some folks have evolved. And, some folks can't, because that would change everything about their idea of identity.
 
i dated a hispanic girl for a long time

in '08 we were in a fairly bad car accident (no injuries, but car was totaled) and my mom told me "this is god punishing you for dating a mexican girl"

lolwat
 
^ That reminds me. I was in a similar boat. My mom didn't want me dating outside of her race/ethnicity despite my dad being a different race(I'm mixed). Man she broke my balls when I started dating my current girl back in Uni. She kept at it for the longest time too. I didn't argue after a while, I just stopped coming home so much plus I was making stellar grades (important for our kind...lol). I think mom eventually got lonely and gave up. Now there's no problem. We visit my mom and things are perfectly normal.

Can't believe I forgot about this. But that's a good sign right? After the acceptance phase, everyone forgot about the dumbness and moved on! Hope everyone dealing with this kind of nonsense can wait it out and find the harmony.
 
^at least your mom finally came around, that makes me happy to hear that there's at least some rationality and goodness left in the world.

my mom's shit ended up ruining my relationship with my ex (i really don't blame her for leaving, who wants to be with someone whose asshole irrational family won't accept you for totally superficial reasons? and she hung on about 5 years longer than she probably even should have). to this day she's the only girl i've ever really loved.

if i try to seriously date anyone whose not a perfect 10, size 00 blonde white girl with a degree from a highly-selective private university and rich parents, my mom tells me to "be a man and get some fucking self-respect" 8(

lol no wonder i often feel emotionally dead inside
 
You need to break her in.

It took me about 35 years.

:)

Shame really, I was never welcomed to meet family because her grandmother and a lot of her friends really do not like white folk.

Even though her Mom is currently married to a white man!

*shakes head*

I blame the culture she identified with more than her. Groupthink sometimes makes for untenable romantic relationships.

It might have been if she were an orphan.
 
Persevere. If you love each other, it's a no-brainer. Family is great, but sometimes they try to fuck us over with warped ideals. I'm sure if they truly give a shit about her, they'll come around to SOME extent. Good luck to you.
 
To the OP, she doesn't have to talk to her family if they're that backasswards. I know a person who no longer speaks to her parents because of many things, one of them being not so much racism as thinking her family was too good to marry into his. The other two girls I know dumped their respective boyfriends because the guys didn't have the balls to stand up to their parents' racism.

You are definitely lucky to have a girl that will stand up for you and sever ties with those who try to hurt you. Good riddance to them!
 
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Thank you everyone! Reading these post definitely helps! This girl is really something special and I've fallen for her hard. Every time we're together it's wonderful. We have such excellent conversations, even about this situation at hand. We understand that there will be hard times ahead but we are going to face them together. Kenickie defintely love the idea of having her hang out with my family, unfortunately I don't live near any of them, but I will have her meet my Mom on Skype soon. Also I like 'presidential' I'm using that. I think in this day and age it is always confusing when these ignorant ideals that people still have come into our lives. It's always hard to understand how some will stick to these ideals regardless if they're hurting their own family members and loved ones. I'm hoping that one day her parents and family will accept me for who I am, and if not, at least accept their daughter and her happiness. Won't lie most nervous about the first confrontation between her brother and I who seems to be pretty fired up about this. Thanks again everyone! And any more advice or similar experience is appreciated.
 
I've noticed a lot, even recently when you'd think people had gotten over the interracial thing, that the main offenders in challenging these relationships are the (white) parents of (white) girls, trying to 'protect' their princesses and Asian or Jewish families trying to keep to traditions. These are just my experiences in the matter, not meant to offend anyone.

If you're a well mannered, respectable young guy her parents should be able to get over it after spending a bit of time with you to get to know you better. If you turn up (once again no offense meant) looking like a stereotypical black gangster type then I can kinda see why they'd have a problem with you.

TBH if my family had an issue with a relationship of mine for such archaic reasons I'd have no qualms about cutting them out of my life. We're more than 50 years beyond that kind of prejudice.
 
I can definitely relate with you MD, Im mixed too and i can remember 3 different incidents very similar to what your dealing with now. 2 of those 3 relationships ultimately ended due to pressure with from my ex gf's family, both times my ex failed to stand up for us too their parents.. I think its great that she is fighting for you, hold on too her love is more powerful than hate brother! It's crazy that in the year 2014 we still have to deal with this type of ignorance.

Being a by product of interracial union myself i take extreme personal offense to anyone who demonizes said relationships. In this day in age we are becoming more common, my white buddy used to call me "future" because realistically our melting pot of a country will blend, eventually.
 
Wow, I didn't realize there was still so much of this happening. I mean, it's 2014! I know quite a few people in mixed relationships and they seem fine. You really just have to stick with each other
 
I am _____. I have dated and banged many gorgeous women of different races and cultural backgrounds. I love the contrast of customs/worlds. I personally don't give a shit what her race is.. One thing remains constant: hot is hot.. I love female humans.
From my experience, it seems as though most Americans look down on this, especially Americans from the South.
 
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