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integrating a 10-year-old LSD trip?!

A

anonymousmama

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Jan 17, 2015
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:?:? well the terrors are over for the day, hopefully for good... the thought loop of worry projection can be so painful! integrating 10 years later with very little support has been weird, but 10 years ago i actually tried to kill myself and today I only thought about it. and now i can write without pranoid tremors. if anyone else out there has experience of integrating powerful LSD experience 10 years later please get in touch... I could use some guidance please.
 
oh! re: zendo - ya it's a cause close to my heart for obvious reasons... i get it. really. and do you know, if my life circumstances morph into a match for that one day, I would so do it... really! <3
 
but really - it still gets trippy sometimes, and if the events in my life continue to parellel (sometimes) events of the old experience, then it may get trippier yet - 10 years ago i couldn't kill myself because the pills i had didn't work and after that i couldn't bring myself to for fear of incurring negative karma by someone having to find my body.. and then there's a bunch of legal identity shit too yet to come! memories from 10 years ago such as visa! passports! identity! unemployment! homeless! it's less insecure but very intense.. plus i'm smoking sooooo many rollups, and i make up that bad things happen when I smoke cigs and there's physical symptoms as well that i'm a bit concerned about.. there' smore and actually now that i write about it i realize i could really use some support with this because until this past year or so, I htought this was the worst thing that had ever happened to me and I'd had a rough life before. it's quite important... and sensitive.


-- can i talk about this stuff on here? mod?
 
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parallells of experience 10 years apart. 10 years ago my passport and visa expired and was deported - currently my passport is being help hostage by big banking. 10 years ago i was made homeless, currently my mortgage is in foreclosure. 10 years ago i became unemployed, currently am unemployed.... stuff like that..
 
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anonymousmama said:
see original post - integrating 10 year old LSD experience :)
Click to expand...
Sorry, I did read the OP and was in fact referring to it. English isn't my native language, might be the culprit here.
At first I though you wanted to try a 10 year old LSD blotter, but now it reads as if you've been tripping for 10 years? How does that relate to "integrating" into anything?

Pardon my eventual ignorance.
 
I tried to kill myself while tripping a few years back. Wanted to wake up from the dream (just saw inception, in the movie you died to wake up). Didn't work. Honestly don't even see it as suicide attempt BC in my mind it wasn't.

Still integrating.
 
i think hes just talking about....Its just that point in life where life becomes a fucking chore and isn't fun anymore. ......many of us hit that point. call it growing up. whatever. it sneaks up on you when you wefren't even expecting it when it happens. many people it doesn't happen to until then get old enough to be near death.

you can't be happy because what will make you happy is impossible to obtain/happen.

I hope i can integrate it eventually and not have to drug myself on a constant basis just to escape the thought.
 
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LucidSDreamr said:
I hope i can integrate it eventually and not have to drug myself on a constant basis just to escape the thought.
Click to expand...

me too - i just went back on some meds bc that feeling started in and i frightened a couple of people around me. i get that mindfulness training is important here - but i also get that because PTSD...
 
For the sake of understanding can you explain the trip and what parts of it still have you tripping? Are you fully intergrated back into the hard-to-swallow-reality we are being fed? What was the experience like?
 
Do you have some aversion to describing the trip itself and the immediate implications?

You've said a lot of things which don't make any sense.
 
I'm not 100% sure where the line is between the 'trip' and my life fell apart in months following. and i won't re-create that scenario. but i can say with certainty that i didn't sleep for 4 days.
 
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