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Insufflation addiction

A

anaddict

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 12, 2012
Messages
15
I post this here because this is really the only place I have been frequenting on this site lately. I have been trying to stay clean and reading anything about people having fun enjoying their DOC just brings me a little closer back to that place. This may seem like I am being overly sensitive or whatever but I feel like every little thing I can do to avoid relapse is worth it. That being said if there is a better place for this question or it is not at all appropriate for here than I apologize and feel free to move or close the topic.

Today I am 8 days clean from opioids. I realize this is not long at all but it is a big deal to me as I have had a long term problem. I am definitely feeling the effects even though most of my physical symptoms have subsided. I am however really feeling the depression side of it. I miss some of the friends that I am forced to have minimal contact with that are also addicts as to avoid any temptation. I miss the enviroment in general and my brain is just missing the overall drug and scoring process in general. Etc. etc. etc...

What seems to be the biggest issue at the moment however as strange as it may sound is I miss putting something up my nose. Insuffilation was always my preferred ROA and at this point I miss that feeling maybe as much as the drug itself. I am a pretty intelligent guy and even when I was using always did my research. I knew for just one example that K-pins where not water soluble, but definitely on multiple occasions I would blow one if in between doses just for that feeling. I so still have that constant runny nose that railing anything usually would get rid of and that is probably part of why it is always at the forefront of my mind. I guess what I am asking is has anyone else had this problem and is it possible to become addicted to that ROA in itself? I have read about people becoming addicted to the needle but never heard anything on this particular subject. Anyone else have this problem? Anything you found that alleviates that at all without harming your recovery? I even considered crushing a small tylenol and railing that but thought better of it as for one it would probably burn like a SOB and is too close to that same ritual that overtook my life. Lately I just feel like saying (or typing) anything that is in my head about my addiction to someone is therapeutic and kinda gets it out of my own head if that makes sense. And with it being 6 am here I can not really call a friend or something so I am dumping it here. Any thoughts or feedback would be greatly appreciated.
 
Hey anaddict, I can completely relate to where you're coming from! Insufflation was my ROA of choice, without a doubt. I was also heavily addicted to opiates for a long time - congratulations on 8 days!! Isn't that incredible? For me, at first, 8 hours seemed an impossibility in terms of staying away from my drug(s) of choice. But eight days?? I'm proud of you! :D

I miss the enviroment in general and my brain is just missing the overall drug and scoring process in general.
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You're still extremely early in the recovery process, my friend. I think that anyone who gets clean for the first time in a while encounters these thoughts. But what it comes down to is romanticizing the lifestyle that almost took you out. Remember that - the fond the thoughts from the past are pure fiction in their nostalgia. Never, ever, forget how bad things were. And, albeit at a snail's pace sometimes, things will return to equilibrium. Believe it or not, life will eventually surpass the void of mere equilibrium, and you will know what it is to experience happiness again :)

In my experience, as with the cravings, the longer I spent away from using drugs, the less intense my cravings for simply putting something (anything!) up my nose got.

Give yourself a lot more time to test the waters than you've got - eight days is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, a momentous accomplishment. But imagine where you may find yourself with 10 days? How about 30? Don't get overwhelmed by the numbers; do your best to remain in the present to the best of your ability. But out there, your future without the emotional and physical weight of opioid addiction is brimming with jewels waiting to be discovered. Take it from me, but also from others - as much as this forum addresses the despair of those first baby steps towards sobriety, so, too does it provide an incredibly intricate template for members to describe life after addiction.

For someone new to recovery, these sage descriptions often represent the first sight of the light at the end of an elusive and rather dim tunnel.

~ Vaya
 
As embarrassing as it is, i was addicted to smoking the original OC, although the BA of smoking was lower then other ROA's i'd always smoke it, no matter what. i learned to love the taste, smell, and process. our brain is pretty interesting, and now that your clean it can work more efficiently.
 
For me, it was as much the ritual prior to ingestion as it was the drug itself. I smashed my pocket mirrors in a fit of raging despair one night, then cleaned up my room and threw away all my paraphernalia pretty shortly after quitting my DOC. While childish, it helped me get through a horrible day without my DOC and it also had the added benefit of eliminating reminders of my drug use from my sight. It was easier for me to get through future days/weeks/months without the visual reminders of the ritual before using.

I guess it was easier because i was eliminating a stimulus that would trigger my brain to crave it...kind of how pavlov's dogs would salivate at the sound of a bell that signalled dinner.

8 days is awesome! One day at a time! :-)
 
Congratulations on quitting opiates OP, that's already impressive and it's really good that you've bypassed the peak of the physical withdrawal symptoms, but as vaya said, you're still very deep in the psychological recovery, which means that you still very much miss all of the aspects of using, which often would involve the "ritual" you went through all the way from calling your dealer to putting the opiates up your nose, because your mind is able to recall the feelings you experience while high and connect them to that ritual, which is often a way habits are secured for people with addictions. You just have to keep fighting those cravings, and take it one day at a time :) Keep us posted on how you're doing, best luck and you have my support <3
 
Thanks for the comments guys I appreciate them all more than you know. I am lucky enough to have a support system that is helping me but being able to reach out to people that actually know first hand what you are going through is priceless. I had a very tricky situation come up early this morning while I was looking for my keys and run across one of those little round black film holders that I used to use to keep my stash in. I picked it up and instinctively shook it. I cringed a little and admittedly felt a lot of excitement when I heard the *clak clak clak* that indicated goodies were inside. I didnt even think about it before I popped it open and dumped the contents into my hand. 4 yellow perc 10/325's and 2 tiny blue Roxy 30's along with several blue xanax. Man that was a difficult thing to be staring me in the face. Luckily my brother is staying with me and was home so I snatch out the the blue footballs(I have admittedly been using benzos to help with the psychological aspects of withdrawl; hey nobody is perfect right?) and take the rest into the kitchen where he was sitting and plopped them down on the table in front of him. He is aware of my situation and has been a big help. He swiped them off the side of the table with one hand into the other and walked to the toilet and unceremoniously flushed them without even asking any questions. Man the pain when I heard that toilet flush. I am just glad he was there or I could easily see that have being a set back in my recovery. I am still very weak when it comes to these dammed things but I was proud of myself for being able to give them up after finding them since my brother was only 10 feet away from me. So close call but still 9 days clean, taking it 1 day at a time.
 
I was addicted to the ROA of insufflation myself a few years back (before the needle). I remember being hooked to the original OC's and that capital H, any powder really (I drew the line at non-water solubles because I am NOT wasteful, I'd snort some sugar and eat the pills to soothe cravings). But I recall one instance where I k-holed and was talking to my friend while I holed out in fragmented sentences "Golden gate bridge... I.... snort it..." I believe was the statement I made. Waking up later, my friend told me "You would snort anything B, probably even a fucking sea urchin". Sure comical now, but it definitely shows to what extent my addiction was. For me I noticed people are generally addicted to the ROA that introduces their drug of choice the quickest, such as smoking (with crack cocaine, or OC, tar, etc), IV (all water-soluble powders), and insuff (for those not willing to try IV).
 
Wow anadict! I know how hard that must have been to hand those over to your brother. I remember being faced with that predicament many times and not being able complete the act so SOOO much credit to you for being able to do that.

9 days is amazing. I am so happy for you! You deserve happiness so much.

Stick around and keep us updated on your daily progress. I know that helps a lot of people and it also helps me stay on track. There is so much support here and I hope you continue to take advantage of it. <3
 
Just checking in on you my friend. Today should be double digit clean time for you. I'm heading to a meeting now as I post this. If you were in my area I'd show you to some of my groups where you would fit right in. Best of luck to you and much love to all my homies and ladies who are suffering out there.
 
I appreciate that Serotonin and I could use a rush of that about now. Serotonin that is. 11 days today and for some reason yesterday and the beginnings of today have been bad days. I seem to have somehow regressed in my recovery almost felt like withdraw starting yesterday and continuing into today. Not heavy symptoms but light to mild including hot/cold some stomach issues and some RLS. Could be I am just coming down with something and mistaking it for that but either way it weighs much heavier with the PAWS like effects I can definitely attribute to my recovery. I have managed to tough it out though with some Immodium, Ibuprofen, Tylenol PM and some small doses (.5-1mg) of xanax. This and of course still trying to keep hydrated and eat as healthy as possible and stay at least somewhat active.

As a side note I have been watching "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy to occupy my mind and found myself comparing the entire story with opiate addiction and withdraw. I mean maybe I would see it in everything with it being pretty much constantly at the forefront of my mind. But the whole thing with the way that the ring draws you to it and then basically enslaves you to it. The way the longer you possess the ring the harder it is to let it go. Just the general pain and suffering the ring would inevitably cause the one who carried the burden of holding onto it. I found myself wishing I could walk to some mythical "morder" and toss my addiction into the heart of the mountain and watch it burn away in the flames and be done with it. But alas, "One does not simply walk into Mordor."
 
I never thought of Lord of the Rings that way. You are right it is so strikingly similar to how we act with our addiction. I haven't watched the movie in a long time I don't think I can ever watch it again for that matter but I remember the gist of it.

Don't be set back by the thoughts of the WD symptoms creeping back. I noticed I would get little segments of symptoms every once in a while. I actually got them a few times two or three weeks in. I think the mind has an amazing way of tricking us into feeling things. Kind of similar to flashbacks. It's just the addict mind trying to hold on. It'll pass though. <3<3<3 Day 11 is so much closer to feeling better than it is to feeling the WDs.
 
Simply believe that you are strong to oversome this : ]

The amount of days you already held through are a huge step. Just think how much stronger, psychocologically and physically, you're becoming.
 
Got lots of love for all my fellow junkies and nasal vacuums :). My veins are hungry everyday for a spike but I just remember where I came from and not wanting to go through 3 weeks of withdrawal again. PAWS is a bitch trust me. I'm close to 90 days off the poppy and I STILL have some lingering symptoms. Mainly insomnia and anxiety, though recently I found out I may be a PTSD sufferer so non narcotic anti anxiety meds are probably in my future (go go hydroxyzine). I'm still somewhat emotionally unbalanced such as some mood swings that are a little more severe than is normal. You're doin great though bud. I couldn't do it on my own, but you're doing the right thing. Healthy diet, exercise, and rest are important. Start hitting meetings too. Always makes me feel better. :)
 
anaddict said:
I post this here because this is really the only place I have been frequenting on this site lately. I have been trying to stay clean and reading anything about people having fun enjoying their DOC just brings me a little closer back to that place. This may seem like I am being overly sensitive or whatever but I feel like every little thing I can do to avoid relapse is worth it. That being said if there is a better place for this question or it is not at all appropriate for here than I apologize and feel free to move or close the topic.

Today I am 8 days clean from opioids. I realize this is not long at all but it is a big deal to me as I have had a long term problem. I am definitely feeling the effects even though most of my physical symptoms have subsided. I am however really feeling the depression side of it. I miss some of the friends that I am forced to have minimal contact with that are also addicts as to avoid any temptation. I miss the enviroment in general and my brain is just missing the overall drug and scoring process in general. Etc. etc. etc...

What seems to be the biggest issue at the moment however as strange as it may sound is I miss putting something up my nose. Insuffilation was always my preferred ROA and at this point I miss that feeling maybe as much as the drug itself. I am a pretty intelligent guy and even when I was using always did my research. I knew for just one example that K-pins where not water soluble, but definitely on multiple occasions I would blow one if in between doses just for that feeling. I so still have that constant runny nose that railing anything usually would get rid of and that is probably part of why it is always at the forefront of my mind. I guess what I am asking is has anyone else had this problem and is it possible to become addicted to that ROA in itself? I have read about people becoming addicted to the needle but never heard anything on this particular subject. Anyone else have this problem? Anything you found that alleviates that at all without harming your recovery? I even considered crushing a small tylenol and railing that but thought better of it as for one it would probably burn like a SOB and is too close to that same ritual that overtook my life. Lately I just feel like saying (or typing) anything that is in my head about my addiction to someone is therapeutic and kinda gets it out of my own head if that makes sense. And with it being 6 am here I can not really call a friend or something so I am dumping it here. Any thoughts or feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Click to expand...
Just stop doing it. I have the same problem. If you exercise a little monetary patience, and well with time, you'll find that the oral route of administration is best anyways with most things.
 
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