anjalimaya
Greenlighter
Hi,
I am a current drug user and was strung out on heroin and cocaine - the whole nice judged lot. But I am also a PhD student studying cultural history and I want to do my dissertation on the history of consciousness altering drug use. There is plenty of ancient and early 1900s and 1800s material but I want to hear from the actual users that struggle with that NEED once that seed is planted.
I do not plan to use names in my research but it is more of a discussion for me to orient where I find myself in society. Does this make sense?
Why do we feel guilty that we use? Why do we think we need to be fixed? Why do we think it is different than people that overwork or have lots of children or eat lots of french fries? Or even murder? Is this a fundamental state of having consciousness in the primate world? Why can't governments harness the power drugs have over people? And not synthetic ones? Is it a color war because drugs are really made in "brown" countries like Chris Rock says? Besides money, why are drugs the underlying issue in all eras? Is it as natural to use as it is to eat or drink?
Personally, I don't judge my drug use but I know I have to hide the type of drugs I like and how I do it. I know I can be a functional member of society and I know to stay away from heroin or opium because as "God's Medicine" I am not able to control that drug taking over me. Physical dependency I can't take anymore but I did for ten years and graduated summa cum laude and got into ivy league schools. The people that decide to be homeless, jobless, and all that would be homeless and jobless without the drugs. They just are in that station and it is unfortunate that they can't get outside help. I know people like that that hate drugs and won't even take a tylenol but are on social programs. They saw my track marks and immediately hid their wallet. But I am the one making 28 dollars and hour and getting a doctorate. I have been let go when a cop found my shit because of my degree program. They just think I am a stressed student dabbling with a little drugs and I will be scared straight. So there is a line that can be drawn. Dabbling in darkness and still living in the light. Balance and respecting these chemicals enough to stay away when you want them every day and people are noticing you are being different. But there is no scientific research on cultural drug use currently and the productive members of society but not the white collar ones. I want to explore that dynamic. Not the sad hopeless person wanting to die but the one that uses drugs because it helps their quality of life for the moment. Because they simply enjoy it and want that feeling, even if it is everytime they go out.
I am a current drug user and was strung out on heroin and cocaine - the whole nice judged lot. But I am also a PhD student studying cultural history and I want to do my dissertation on the history of consciousness altering drug use. There is plenty of ancient and early 1900s and 1800s material but I want to hear from the actual users that struggle with that NEED once that seed is planted.
I do not plan to use names in my research but it is more of a discussion for me to orient where I find myself in society. Does this make sense?
Why do we feel guilty that we use? Why do we think we need to be fixed? Why do we think it is different than people that overwork or have lots of children or eat lots of french fries? Or even murder? Is this a fundamental state of having consciousness in the primate world? Why can't governments harness the power drugs have over people? And not synthetic ones? Is it a color war because drugs are really made in "brown" countries like Chris Rock says? Besides money, why are drugs the underlying issue in all eras? Is it as natural to use as it is to eat or drink?
Personally, I don't judge my drug use but I know I have to hide the type of drugs I like and how I do it. I know I can be a functional member of society and I know to stay away from heroin or opium because as "God's Medicine" I am not able to control that drug taking over me. Physical dependency I can't take anymore but I did for ten years and graduated summa cum laude and got into ivy league schools. The people that decide to be homeless, jobless, and all that would be homeless and jobless without the drugs. They just are in that station and it is unfortunate that they can't get outside help. I know people like that that hate drugs and won't even take a tylenol but are on social programs. They saw my track marks and immediately hid their wallet. But I am the one making 28 dollars and hour and getting a doctorate. I have been let go when a cop found my shit because of my degree program. They just think I am a stressed student dabbling with a little drugs and I will be scared straight. So there is a line that can be drawn. Dabbling in darkness and still living in the light. Balance and respecting these chemicals enough to stay away when you want them every day and people are noticing you are being different. But there is no scientific research on cultural drug use currently and the productive members of society but not the white collar ones. I want to explore that dynamic. Not the sad hopeless person wanting to die but the one that uses drugs because it helps their quality of life for the moment. Because they simply enjoy it and want that feeling, even if it is everytime they go out.
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