Hello everyone,
This is my first time posting on blulight after lurking for a few months. I decided to post because I am currently very scared of having done something stupid, I am going through something that I can't identify and don't know what to do next. It's a long post, feel free to skip to the last part.
*** Introduction about my past drug experience follows, you can skip to my current problem below ***
I'm a very inexperienced drug user. I'm 35, and before last year I had only smoked pot a few times (maybe 10 and never too much), had mushrooms once (was a fun experience). I also rarely drink alcohol, work out a lot, and am in general good shape and health (besides asthma). All these years I was rather anti-drugs and was pretty ignorant overall. I also always thought of myself as a person with a strong will: I'm a successful individual who usually gets what he wants in life, someone who can resist urges and have good self control. I had no idea I had such a dark, compulsive side.
A few months ago, I was introduced to MDMA (pure crystal form). Out of curiosity, boredom and possibly to fill a void, I gave it a try. I liked it a lot. I consumed about a gram over the past 5 months, always in small portions, sometimes at parties but also alone for the pure enjoyment of euphoria. Apart from a couple grumpy days due to comedowns, it was all very positive. At the same time, I read about San Pedro cactus and found out that amazingly, it could be ordred in the UK. I subsequently had 3 cactus experiences, rather beautiful, emotionally inspiring and but uneventful besides some tiredness. I read a lot on many forums and official sites before each try. Every time I was very careful with dosage, setting etc. Everything was going smoothly. I was telling myself that I could become a responsible drug user and had a lot more fun in life that I was currently having.
Then I discovered the dangerous world of Research Chemicals. I read everywhere that I should be careful with these but something drew me to roder a couple and try. Within 4-5 weeks, I've ingested small quantities of camfetamine and MXE, which were interesting but a little too scary to continue. I didn't re-order that but was drawn to other substances for new experiences. I started placing order for every substance my provider had in stock. Which brings us to last week
*** problem begins ***
Last week I started what is the first and only drug binge in my life. I didn't think myself capable of this and I am now suffering the consequences.
- monday: took a low amount of camfetamine orally (30mg)
- tuesday: tried smoking some incense blend, got a little high but was scared by the pontency and didn't touch it again. Later the same day, ingested a 6-APB pellet and had a very good time. Much later, I could not sleep at all so ingested 2mg of etizolam and slept like a baby for 10 hours.
- wednesday: took a break
- thursday: tried Ethylphenidate for the 1st time (snorted about 70mg). Enjoyed it very much but took 1mg etizolam to be able to sleep
**** stupidity and compulsiveness comes into play ****
Friday evening
- being bored and wanting to relive the fun of the previous night, I indulged in some more Ethylphenidate. I snorted about 100mg in three hours. Every dose was supposed to be the last but I couldn't fight the impulse to re-dose. I became very stimulated and horny, but couldn't function sexually. So I took 3*10mg of yohimbine (pills) (which I sometimes use for my workouts but not every day). After a few hours I was able to get hard reach orgasm. It wasn't particularly pleasant.
- Much later in the the morning, about 8h after the last ethylphenidate dose, I start feeling hangover and guilt. I feel like I am pushing this too far. It's like I want to get in trouble. I decide to relax, smoke a little pot to help me fall asleep instead of taking eitozolam. I smoke about a third of a joint (regular marijuana, not a blend), get very high very fast, but I don't stop there and finish the joint, getting higher and higher. Suddenly I'm very dizzy, I start getting a bad headache and my ears are ringing. I lay in bed exhausted, but I start getting weird thoughts and some mild closed eye visuals (like when coming down of San Pedro). I finally drift off to sleep.
- Wake up after 4-5 hours of bad sleep, screaming from a nightmare. Tinnitus (Ear ringing), headaches are still there. I start worrying as it seems to get worse. I spend about 8 hours awake, I can function normally besides the headaches (tried taking ibuprofen, which did nothing good, actually it felt worse). I go to bed around midnight.
Sunday
- I sleep two more hours, wake up sweating, feeling terrible. I manage to sleep another 2 hours but this time I wake up to pain everywhere in my body. I try to stay awake for a few hours but feel like shit. When I'm active I'm barely able to concentrate of a task for more than a couple minutes. When passive, I feel the headaches and pains coming back strongly. Exhausted and desperate for some sleep, I take my last etizolam. I start feeling weird, but eventually a bit better (pains and anxiety are gone) and fall asleep on the couch.
- 4 hours later I wake up from another nightmare and when I open my eyes, it's like I everything is seen through a blue filter. It fades in a few seconds but I was rather terrified.
Throughtout the day, I fight against the pain in my limbs and torso. It feels like my nervous system is a wreck. The pain comes in waves, sometimes it feels like it's gone and then it comes back stronger. It's not an overwhelming feeling, more like a hangover, but one that isn't getting better. I feel like i'm being slowly poisoned. I would like to say that I feel a little better now but it's not true. I tried taking 400mg paracetamol to fight the pain, I felt it very quickly and very strongly but it didn't do much to make me feel better, it almost felt worse. I also went to the gym and sauna to try to sweat it out a little but it hasn't shown much improvement.
It has now been 36 hours since the physiological problems started and I'm getting quite scared that I have caused some kid of permenent damage. I have no idea what is wrong with me. It is withdrawal from something I have taken? The result of a combination? My physiological problems really started when I finished the joint, before that I was a bit anxious but my body felt ok.
I am strongly considering going to a doctor or drug help center tomorrow, but in the meantime I would really appreciate some advice and analysis: what do you think has gone wrong? Am I experiencing overdose, withdrawal, brain damage? I have now realized that I have a previously unknown compulsive side which leads me to re-dose and combine unknown substances. I know I have been extremely stupid, but now I am scared...
Some help and guidance would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.
***
This is my first time posting on blulight after lurking for a few months. I decided to post because I am currently very scared of having done something stupid, I am going through something that I can't identify and don't know what to do next. It's a long post, feel free to skip to the last part.
*** Introduction about my past drug experience follows, you can skip to my current problem below ***
I'm a very inexperienced drug user. I'm 35, and before last year I had only smoked pot a few times (maybe 10 and never too much), had mushrooms once (was a fun experience). I also rarely drink alcohol, work out a lot, and am in general good shape and health (besides asthma). All these years I was rather anti-drugs and was pretty ignorant overall. I also always thought of myself as a person with a strong will: I'm a successful individual who usually gets what he wants in life, someone who can resist urges and have good self control. I had no idea I had such a dark, compulsive side.
A few months ago, I was introduced to MDMA (pure crystal form). Out of curiosity, boredom and possibly to fill a void, I gave it a try. I liked it a lot. I consumed about a gram over the past 5 months, always in small portions, sometimes at parties but also alone for the pure enjoyment of euphoria. Apart from a couple grumpy days due to comedowns, it was all very positive. At the same time, I read about San Pedro cactus and found out that amazingly, it could be ordred in the UK. I subsequently had 3 cactus experiences, rather beautiful, emotionally inspiring and but uneventful besides some tiredness. I read a lot on many forums and official sites before each try. Every time I was very careful with dosage, setting etc. Everything was going smoothly. I was telling myself that I could become a responsible drug user and had a lot more fun in life that I was currently having.
Then I discovered the dangerous world of Research Chemicals. I read everywhere that I should be careful with these but something drew me to roder a couple and try. Within 4-5 weeks, I've ingested small quantities of camfetamine and MXE, which were interesting but a little too scary to continue. I didn't re-order that but was drawn to other substances for new experiences. I started placing order for every substance my provider had in stock. Which brings us to last week
*** problem begins ***
Last week I started what is the first and only drug binge in my life. I didn't think myself capable of this and I am now suffering the consequences.
- monday: took a low amount of camfetamine orally (30mg)
- tuesday: tried smoking some incense blend, got a little high but was scared by the pontency and didn't touch it again. Later the same day, ingested a 6-APB pellet and had a very good time. Much later, I could not sleep at all so ingested 2mg of etizolam and slept like a baby for 10 hours.
- wednesday: took a break
- thursday: tried Ethylphenidate for the 1st time (snorted about 70mg). Enjoyed it very much but took 1mg etizolam to be able to sleep
**** stupidity and compulsiveness comes into play ****
Friday evening
- being bored and wanting to relive the fun of the previous night, I indulged in some more Ethylphenidate. I snorted about 100mg in three hours. Every dose was supposed to be the last but I couldn't fight the impulse to re-dose. I became very stimulated and horny, but couldn't function sexually. So I took 3*10mg of yohimbine (pills) (which I sometimes use for my workouts but not every day). After a few hours I was able to get hard reach orgasm. It wasn't particularly pleasant.
- Much later in the the morning, about 8h after the last ethylphenidate dose, I start feeling hangover and guilt. I feel like I am pushing this too far. It's like I want to get in trouble. I decide to relax, smoke a little pot to help me fall asleep instead of taking eitozolam. I smoke about a third of a joint (regular marijuana, not a blend), get very high very fast, but I don't stop there and finish the joint, getting higher and higher. Suddenly I'm very dizzy, I start getting a bad headache and my ears are ringing. I lay in bed exhausted, but I start getting weird thoughts and some mild closed eye visuals (like when coming down of San Pedro). I finally drift off to sleep.
- Wake up after 4-5 hours of bad sleep, screaming from a nightmare. Tinnitus (Ear ringing), headaches are still there. I start worrying as it seems to get worse. I spend about 8 hours awake, I can function normally besides the headaches (tried taking ibuprofen, which did nothing good, actually it felt worse). I go to bed around midnight.
Sunday
- I sleep two more hours, wake up sweating, feeling terrible. I manage to sleep another 2 hours but this time I wake up to pain everywhere in my body. I try to stay awake for a few hours but feel like shit. When I'm active I'm barely able to concentrate of a task for more than a couple minutes. When passive, I feel the headaches and pains coming back strongly. Exhausted and desperate for some sleep, I take my last etizolam. I start feeling weird, but eventually a bit better (pains and anxiety are gone) and fall asleep on the couch.
- 4 hours later I wake up from another nightmare and when I open my eyes, it's like I everything is seen through a blue filter. It fades in a few seconds but I was rather terrified.
Throughtout the day, I fight against the pain in my limbs and torso. It feels like my nervous system is a wreck. The pain comes in waves, sometimes it feels like it's gone and then it comes back stronger. It's not an overwhelming feeling, more like a hangover, but one that isn't getting better. I feel like i'm being slowly poisoned. I would like to say that I feel a little better now but it's not true. I tried taking 400mg paracetamol to fight the pain, I felt it very quickly and very strongly but it didn't do much to make me feel better, it almost felt worse. I also went to the gym and sauna to try to sweat it out a little but it hasn't shown much improvement.
It has now been 36 hours since the physiological problems started and I'm getting quite scared that I have caused some kid of permenent damage. I have no idea what is wrong with me. It is withdrawal from something I have taken? The result of a combination? My physiological problems really started when I finished the joint, before that I was a bit anxious but my body felt ok.
I am strongly considering going to a doctor or drug help center tomorrow, but in the meantime I would really appreciate some advice and analysis: what do you think has gone wrong? Am I experiencing overdose, withdrawal, brain damage? I have now realized that I have a previously unknown compulsive side which leads me to re-dose and combine unknown substances. I know I have been extremely stupid, but now I am scared...
Some help and guidance would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.
***