In the moment before sleep....

[up all night]

Whispers.
Wisps of ideas
that are hovering just beyond my understanding.
They seem to come to life
in that second before sleep
when my mind is empty
and my hands are clean.
Doubts.
Fears.
Thoughts too weak for light of day
beaten back by solid desires
creep forward when the lights are dim
and my defences down.
He doesn't love you.
They dig their jagged claws into my consciousness.
A blackened haze that starts to spread
impermeate and stain
A passive war against my smile.
He won't stay round for long.
Toss and turn.
Blame my lack of sleep
on the hardness of the pillow
on the heat of the blankets.
Search for your body under the covers
and realise
you had somewhere else to be tonight.
He found someone before, he'll surely do it again.
They gain power in numbers
No longer mere shadows
but an inky blackness.
These thoughts are alive
and feeding insecurities
into my falsely strong convictions.
She's much prettier then you.
Squeeze eyes so tightly shut
that the coloured patterns become pictures
become possibilities
become nightmares
become the twisted plot to an untold story.
He's using you.
He's no good for you.
You're risking too much.
He's taking too much.
It'll never last.
It's all a game.
He doesn't love and
He'll never love
He'll never love
He'll never love
You.
STOP!
Sleep.
Dream.
Wake.
Forget.
See you the same time tomorrow.....

 

[someone]

I know exactly how your feeling, almost too well...
very nice work, I always enjoy hearing your thoughts, and look forward to your next post!

 

[Furnace]

up all night,
I felt almost the same way last night. Thank God for sleep: the mother of all drugs.

much love,
taz.

 

[liljulz]

this is EXACTLY how im thinking right now and when i go to bed in five minutes...the same thoughts will come alive in my head too, unfortunetly. the moment before sleep is truly the most unique part of ones day, strange how its so rarely discussed. i guess its just the time thats most personal-its brave of you to share it here and thanks for doing so very well written i loved it

 

[KHsweety03]

You guys tell the story of my life.

 

[E-girl]

you had somewhere else to be tonight.
someone obviously betrayed your trust in the past, and its sad, because that's the story of my life. i wish i didnt think the worst at times like these, but you describe them so vividly and tragically... your words say so much about you. and they say you dont deserve the pain you are obviously feeling right now.
i always love reading your work. you bring out emotions in me that i thought i kept locked in pretty good... but it helps to get it out. for both of us.

 

[phoenixowen]

Wow, that was truely amazing up all night. I don't know how you do it but you always seem to pry appart the walls of my subconcious and lay bear my soul in words. I remember feeling like this, a long time ago.

 

[harraser]

babe youve stunned me yet again. we all have these insecurities and its during sleep that we cant fight them off and all the things that we repress come out to play. just think about your insecurities, think about them and where they come from when youre awake. analyse them and they wont trouble your dreams. It worked for me
once again your words have captured a feeling I know only too well. *hugs* maybe one day we'll be comfortable enough to just let these things be.

 

[Azurae]

Those are the worst thoughts. I am glad i do not think like that anymore, not right before bed or any time.
-Aura