jayjaysleepyhead
Bluelighter
Hi again guys id like to create a blog on just the way people are sort of caught in the middle for example me myself believe im like very close with all my symptoms to being diagnosed with a mental illness , im constantly thinking is this ok the way I feel and behave like spending a long time in bed,for instance, being silent not because I want to but because its came to the point where ive lost all decent friends I had because ive chosen to continue with my addiction and no one wants to be part of that. Would be interesting to get clean to see if certain people and hobbies would come back to me ,i personally doubt it which is why I still use occasionally and still take my meds even though im down to 37mg of meth and 10 mg of valium . So when I say stuck in the middle I mean would my life drastically change if I got clean, answer no, and I know I would be feeling so shitty being clean as ive been so used to being on something and if I thought I could get wot I had back then id be clean ,i tottally understand how old people feel its unhealthy,sad,depressing and eventually thoughts of suicide creep in im 44 and feel desparetely lonely and isolated and its only that middle bit which I refuse to go to as I dont think my life would drastically change anyway if I were clean, I look at how I feel when I was clean and it wasnt too good,trust me , pain meds are totally different and mental health but addiction,well u can only blame u im afraid ok u lost a loved one,u still dont have to use, millions dont , this is just one of many excuses an addict will use where as pain and mental health have to take meds theirs no excuse so as u can hear im confused to the point of illness im just about holding on so I ask is it me or do others on this site feel sort of confused too thanx.
