The Enhancer
Bluelighter
I am new to this culture and it really is a culture. For so long I have hidden behind a mere shell of myself, content with existing rather than really living, that is until now. I started my journey, the real journey only about a year ago. My heart, my soul, my life was ripped right out of my fingers, out of my control because I had relinquished that control to someone who wasn’t worthy of it, but knowing that now is only part of the battle. Changing it is the other part, the harder part. I am on the road to spiritual renewal because of this culture. Everyday, when I am asked why I wear the funky clothes I wear, dance to the music I dance to, hug people I barely know and party when most of the “normal” people are asleep I answer quite simply, “Many people do things to run away from their lives, I choose to do this because I am running towards mine.” Is there anybody out there that feels the same way? That we do this because we are trying to embrace our lives? It was because of this culture that I was able to realize that the woman I was supposed to marry was not the woman I was supposed to marry, on the night of my first trip I wrote this,
If you were here now,
What would I say to you,
Would I want to go back to the way things were,
Even though I know that it never can be again,
Would I resent you for breaking my heart,
Or praise you for giving me my life back,
Would I hate you for the manipulative bitch you were,
Or love you for teaching me about myself,
What would I say to you in that moment,
To somehow return to myself,
A sense of dignity,
The will for me to succeed,
Delivering me my pride once again,
At the moment that I most needed it,
And here I am,
Wondering whether I hate you or love you,
And the answer seems so clear,
Neither,
For you were both the savior and destroyer of my life,
And for that I am eternally grateful,
And for that alone,
I will thank you,
But never wonder again,
What might have been,
For my life has just begun…
Thank you, to everyone who is brave enough to post on these message boards, brave enough to live your lives. Our strength lay in the fact that even if we never meet any of the people that post on these boards we have a common experience which brings us together. A bond that nobody will ever be able to break. Anybody that ever needs a friend, I’m always here, feel free to email me.
And as stupid as this may sound, the Beatles said it best,
All you need is love!
The Enhancer
If you were here now,
What would I say to you,
Would I want to go back to the way things were,
Even though I know that it never can be again,
Would I resent you for breaking my heart,
Or praise you for giving me my life back,
Would I hate you for the manipulative bitch you were,
Or love you for teaching me about myself,
What would I say to you in that moment,
To somehow return to myself,
A sense of dignity,
The will for me to succeed,
Delivering me my pride once again,
At the moment that I most needed it,
And here I am,
Wondering whether I hate you or love you,
And the answer seems so clear,
Neither,
For you were both the savior and destroyer of my life,
And for that I am eternally grateful,
And for that alone,
I will thank you,
But never wonder again,
What might have been,
For my life has just begun…
Thank you, to everyone who is brave enough to post on these message boards, brave enough to live your lives. Our strength lay in the fact that even if we never meet any of the people that post on these boards we have a common experience which brings us together. A bond that nobody will ever be able to break. Anybody that ever needs a friend, I’m always here, feel free to email me.
And as stupid as this may sound, the Beatles said it best,
All you need is love!
The Enhancer
