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in reflecting eyes

orbital_forest

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 14, 2005
Messages
1,283
Location
nebraska
and after falling into what has only been seen through
lenses that distort what i have really tried to be to
all those ones who slide between my worldview and my thoughts
the simple kind of reaction is to count it as a loss
but nothing lasts forever so im trying to transcend
all the past mistakes and breaks i try to slowly mend
so i can elevate beyond the fire on the ground
existence becomes quiet and i cannot hear a sound
but the cries of all lost memories inside my guilty skull
and the ship of my dignity has taken damage to the hull
embraceable phantoms skitter past like so many flies
im lost in this tumultous void until the twilight dies
the sun will rise beyond the edge of ruin and decay
and all that shines in reflecting eyes will become real today
 
Nice work... metaphor and imagery put to good use... it's personal but transcendent.

Love these lines:

and the ship of my dignity has taken damage to the hull
embraceable phantoms skitter past like so many flies
 
thanks man! im working on developing my style a little more,cuz i definitely tend to go off on tangents in the middle of trying to write a rhyming,well timed piece.
 
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