In need of some clarity: living sober form psychedelics

[LiberaNos]

Hi BL, long time lurker, first time posting.
A little background, I am an undergraduate student studying abroad in a foreign country (in order to appease my inner-desire to leave home) and began to abuse psychedelics (acid, weed, mushrooms) and a variety of others on an availability basis (methylone (which was sold to me as molly), adderall, and vicodin) beginning in highschool and terminating my 5th year of undergraduate (victory (not really ) lap), due to the fact that I didn't maintain a social life. I believe my experimentation provided an escape from thoughts I had suppressed regarding my decision to leave home. Currently I am in the process of reversing damage to myself, physically, mentally and academically from years of immaturity and self destruction. An addiction to food has also brought my weight to near obesity, destroying my self image standard from a high school swim body to a cellulite-ridden shell.

I say shell because honestly it is the best way to describe my emotional and spiritual connection with myself. I am cut off to many aspects of joy in my life, from my warm-hearted girlfriend (who's currently living on the other coast), to my mere collection of friends (2). I consider myself a deep thinker and have always been the introspective individual, to the point in which my parents had me tested for autism multiple times throughout my childhood. I always thought psychedelics would unlock deeper mysteries into my consciousness and open me to the endless possibilities of life and direct me towards a purpose. Unfortunately I think my immaturity was too much in control to allow myself to break through into true psychedelic healing, but instead was focused on entertainment and ending boredom.

Even though I can accept the issues that I face and I believe that I am honest with myself in who I am and what I have done, I can't seem to shake the thoughts on how to make my next buy. All i can find joy in now is doing whatever I can get my hands on, even though I know it could lead me down an even darker road than i already am on. In my mind, when my focus is on finding a source all I can think about is that the drugs themselves will propel me forward into healthier tracts of life. Believing the psychs will push me towards unity within myself and acceptance with my past and drive for my future.

I try an exercise in the belief that a better self image of myself will decrease these thoughts for my next score. I have abstained from all drugs but weed for the past 5 month but still cannot shake the ache i feel towards acquiring more. While i struggle with my binge eating I know that patching one problem will not serve for the other conflicts in my life.

Any advice, feedback is appreciated! I'd like to hear your stories as well!

Much love,
LiberaNos

 

[Smoky]

Hi LiberaNos,

Welcome!
I'm new this year myself.

I've been there -- knowing I might be heading down a dark path ...and couldn't stop no matter what, 'until I could.' Then, the progress began.
You have abstained from all harder drugs for 5 months? That's progress indeed! As well as being aware of your reality and willing to reverse the damage you mentioned. You seem to have much insight and awareness into yourself.

Sometimes a protective shield can be built around ourselves (ime) with drugs, food and isolation … whatever it may be … to patch up a problem, or some trauma.. ache, psychological injury (roots). The body can store the injury or past conflicts ... whatever it is, wherever it was … and the pain is still in there, unresolved.
Sometimes not the case, depends on each individual.
It must have been difficult being tested by your parents. I've been tested a bit in my youth.

Regardless, You're not alone.
Bluelight is very informative. I hope you find some help herein.

Best,
~Smoky.

 

[bcfly7x7]

Liberanos,

Welcome and thanks for sharing your story. The weight and binge eating has a simple answer, stop smoking weed. It slows metabolism and as you know you get the munchies.

The mental aspect is the hardest to put behind you. If you really want that to go away, you need to stop everything.

Even though weed is relatively harmless, it still alters the conscious and subconscious. Thus impairing thoughts and mental state.

To move past where you are, I cant agree with smoky more, you must be ready. Either you're tired of living this way, or you'll have lost almost everything. I commend you on not using harder drugs for 5 months. Im just not sure if you're sure you want to be sober yet. IDK, that is for you to decide, but we will be here to support you.

Bob

 

[phactor]

To be honest, even using "just weed" makes me feel like shit. This is because I know I am an addict and should not be using drugs period. I knew that for years. Sure the weed felt okay sometimes, but I knew it was going to lead back to other stuff and it always did 100 percent of the time. No question.

Also., we are still learning about marijuana. It has an image of being totally benign... when it should be "benign compared to most other drugs"

 

[Just A Guy]

I usually talk about replacement therapy, alternatives to the things you've become dependent on, and unfortunately, food is one of them. For me, good sleep, good food, good exercise, and a FUN hobby are what it took to get me where I am now. (I beat methamphetamine addiction this way.) Where obesity is a concern, if you aren't exercising enough (and I recommend a serious exercise routine, a couple miles walking, some weight training), then at the very least substitute the food part with low-cal, low-carb alternatives. (I eat a shit-ton of spinach--but I ain't no Popeye. lol) Good luck to you, bro, and keep on posting!

 

[RDP89]

Liberanos,

Welcome and thanks for sharing your story. The weight and binge eating has a simple answer, stop smoking weed. It slows metabolism and as you know you get the munchies.

The mental aspect is the hardest to put behind you. If you really want that to go away, you need to stop everything.

Even though weed is relatively harmless, it still alters the conscious and subconscious. Thus impairing thoughts and mental state.

To move past where you are, I cant agree with smoky more, you must be ready. Either you're tired of living this way, or you'll have lost almost everything. I commend you on not using harder drugs for 5 months. Im just not sure if you're sure you want to be sober yet. IDK, that is for you to decide, but we will be here to support you.

Bob

Weed slows metabolism? Do you have any sources on that? Not trying to be argumentative, I just never heard that. I'll look into it though. I definitely know from first hand experience it can cause some binge eating.