In need of general advice/support

[Bicycle.Chemist]

Hello all. I am new to Bluelight as a member, but have been reading posts and what not on here for years. (I say he/she due to lack of sexual identity FYI)

The reason i joined today was because i noticed that this site had a "Dark Side" Section and I've been needing a little guidance or just some support lately on a topic thats dear to me.

Someone very very very close to me, is a very abusive drug addict with a wide range of substances but the most prominent being crystal meth. This person has been using crystal meth for many years and in the past few he/she has been administering via intravenously. This person lives (lived) with my family and i for many years. Most recently, as in today, we ended up kicking him/her out because he/she hit the final straw amongst my family standards. We've tried to help for many years offering therapy and aid, love and support and basically everything we could give. However, it was always thrown back in our face in a berating manner.

He/she is very mean to my mother, very aggressive, blaming her for all the problems experienced. We have lost a family meember, my brother, to suicide many years ago and he/she always uses this as a tool for blaming my mother. When we help her/him, he/she abuses and steals from us, but when we try and let him/her go we are blamed for everything. Ie. threatens to killself, threatens to OD on tweak, blames us for her addiction and all that you can think of. Finally gone today, for the many of times we kicked him/her out, today was the last straw and him/her is no longer allowed in our home and we have received MANY grueling and evil messages. Mainly towards my mother. My mother is heartbroken, my family is distraught, and we are terribly pained by the actions this person exhibited. Although there are mental health issues amongst this person such as bi-polar and ADHD, the torment and abuse we face is horrendous.

Trying to keep it short, i am simply looking for any support or advice anyone has to give. Thanks for your time and clicking on my post, i highly appreciate anything anyone can give

 

[gmlifer]

I don't know your whole story but if everything you said was true then fuck everyone that's blaming your mother. Forget about them. If you have poison in the house that's effecting everyone then you have to remove that poison so everyone can heal and go on with their lives. Don't worry about everyone else, blow them off and get on with your life.

 

[herbavore]

It sounds like the person that you cared about and were trying to help is very manipulative (not to mention self-destructive!). Your family may have tremendous guilt (an inevitable fallout from a family member's suicide) and one way of healing may be a desire to atone through helping someone else. I know this dynamic intimately myself though my situation is a little different. The important thing here is to establish emotional boundaries without losing the compassion you feel. Let this person know that you will not tolerate abuse. And then make sure you do not and that you help your mother in particular not to get sucked back into it.

 

[my innerself]

It definitely sounds like a complicated situation. I think I might be able to help you reflect a bit on your current dilemma. I've been struggling with IV meth addiction and poly drug abuse for over ten years, I come from an extremely dysfunctional family, I also suffer from chronic ADHD and bouts of severe clinical depression and suicide fixation, I'm finally in a much better state of mind then what I was years ago and I a am functioning a lot better now. I still cant completely let go of my drug use altogether (though I know I probably should), but I use far far less then what I was using before and I'm not using drugs to self medicate myself for my problems anymore.

Something that you need to understand is that this person you're concerned about (I'm assuming its a brother..maybe?) is not his true self at this point in time. He is completely overwhelmed with unsolved problems like his gender identity, grief from the loss of a loved one, conflict with your mother, family problems, his bi-polar and ADHD etc. All of this is what has caused him to use drugs to escape this reality, the problem with that is he's now dealing with terrible drug addiction to boot. All those drugs are clouding his judgement and he doesn't even realise it. He really needs to be placed in some kind of long term drug rehab to get off the drugs completely and get his head clear, its only then will he have the ability to work on his issues, he needs to systematically deal with each one of his problems to find some kind of resolution or understanding and then let them go and leave them behind. If he doesn't deal with his problems he will always turn to drugs to ease that pain and he cant truly deal with his problems until he can get off the drugs and remain sober. And that's one of the most important things to understand right now, he's not his normal self, its the drugs that are responsible for the majority of the horror he presents.

It sounds like you and your family have tried to help him for a long time (just like my family did for me) but at some point he needs to take ownership of the problems he's causing. You, your mum and family don't deserve to be treated like this especially considering all the allowances you have made in the past and help you have tried to give, so don't feel guilty about kicking him out of the house. This problem that you have with this guy most likely wont get better anytime soon. But whatever you do don't completely disown or give up on him because if he can get some kind of clarity at some point and realise his drug problem is actually causing a lot of his problems and commit himself to getting sober you might just see the real him emerge again, people can change

If you want to have a chat with me about anything at all you can PM me anytime seeya.

 

[H.chrisc]

Meth is a hard addiction to break and the person has to commit to fix it. Has the person ever been Arrested? I think that some jail and government forced help is the only way that you can break this cycle.

My girlfriend has a son that was addicted to Oxy. When shit hit the fan, he was arrested for burglary and was faceing life in jail or successful treatment and detox of his addiction he chose the detox