• Bluelight
    Shrine




    A memorial
    to Bluelighters
    who have passed away

In Memoriam, cdin

What kind of music did he play? He was a guitarist right? I just remember him telling me.

I don't believe we ever necessarily truly die or are ever truly born. In a sense of course we do, but like Einstein said "energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only change form."

It takes a really good person to be there for as many people as he was even when they are going through their own shit. Few people are as willing to answer my nearly endless questions as he was. I don't like just anyone to the extent that I liked him. He was really really unique and I felt like we were just probably going to continue becoming better and better friends. It's even harder knowing that he was trying to get clean, and I'd really thought his days of going that hard with drugs were behind him but I didn't know him that well and those days seem to always be "behind all of us" till we want to have a good time. I know it was his birthday so he'd been going hard.

Bless you Jonny. You are genuinely good guy in a world where that's increasingly rare.
He recently described his style of music to me as "punk country". His band was called Vollmer - you can listen to their album, A Beerlight to Guide Us, here on Bandcamp. There are also clips of him performing with them on their Instagram and their Facebook.

I got the chance to hear him play a couple of times in voice chat on the Discord. He was really good, despite telling us that he'd just learned guitar to be able to sing in a band. I know he had a deep love for old country music, and during the last call I was on with him where he played guitar, he played a bunch of my favorite old country standards (a lot of Johnny Cash) before effortlessly switching it up to acoustic covers of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I was having a hard night that night, and it felt like he stayed on the call playing to cheer all of us up. I was so looking forward to the next sing-along night that he'd promised me.
 
He recently described his style of music to me as "punk country". His band was called Vollmer - you can listen to their album, A Beerlight to Guide Us, here on Bandcamp. There are also clips of him performing with them on their Instagram and their Facebook.

I got the chance to hear him play a couple of times in voice chat on the Discord. He was really good, despite telling us that he'd just learned guitar to be able to sing in a band. I know he had a deep love for old country music, and during the last call I was on with him where he played guitar, he played a bunch of my favorite old country standards (a lot of Johnny Cash) before effortlessly switching it up to acoustic covers of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I was having a hard night that night, and it felt like he stayed on the call playing to cheer all of us up. I was so looking forward to the next sing-along night that he'd promised me.
If there are any songs you all would like me to play for you in the coming weeks, feel free to let me know
 
He recently described his style of music to me as "punk country". His band was called Vollmer - you can listen to their album, A Beerlight to Guide Us, here on Bandcamp. There are also clips of him performing with them on their Instagram and their Facebook.

I got the chance to hear him play a couple of times in voice chat on the Discord. He was really good, despite telling us that he'd just learned guitar to be able to sing in a band. I know he had a deep love for old country music, and during the last call I was on with him where he played guitar, he played a bunch of my favorite old country standards (a lot of Johnny Cash) before effortlessly switching it up to acoustic covers of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I was having a hard night that night, and it felt like he stayed on the call playing to cheer all of us up. I was so looking forward to the next sing-along night that he'd promised me.
I just watched/listened to some of his stuff. He was really good and looked like he had a natural stage presence.

Does anyone know why he named his band after Joan Vollmer? I didn't know anything about her but I do know just a little bit about William S. Burroughs, and now I'm reading about her. Seems like an interesting person and like Burroughs might have gotten away with murder killing her.
 
Wtf man
Sorry
Can't say that I knew him but to put another bl-er in the shine....
Seemed level headed, very intelligent, knowledgeable, forthcoming and made a change to others (including me) and isn't that all we can do? What seeds we plant matters imo and he is a good seed - as well; a personal opinion.
Ahhhhhhhhh
RIP Brother
❤️✌️🙏
 
I just watched/listened to some of his stuff. He was really good and looked like he had a natural stage presence.

Does anyone know why he named his band after Joan Vollmer? I didn't know anything about her but I do know just a little bit about William S. Burroughs, and now I'm reading about her. Seems like an interesting person and like Burroughs might have gotten away with murder killing her.
Yes - maybe someone knows better than I do (and I hope if so that they chime in!), but from what I recall him sharing it was to honor her, because he felt that she (and her death) had been overlooked and overshadowed by Burroughs. He was quite fierce about it (I remember him getting into a heated discussion with someone about it one time when I was in voice chat). Apparently they opened every show with a small vigil for Joan Vollmer.

I found a post that Jonny made on the band's page way back in 2014 on the topic, and I'm including it below 🖤

Vollmer is first and foremost a memorial band, for the memory of someone who shone brightly, but was ill remembered by history, and to help recognize the archetype of the feminine or supportive element in art destroyed by masculine or egocentric nature of the artist. The number of times we’ve heard otherwise educated members of the artistic community discuss Burroughs and say “that bitch had it coming” are TOO MANY. Furthermore, from a feminist perspective, it’s about how women (most often, though it has certainly gone both ways - one could certainly make the case that this dynamic existed between Kurt and Courtney) who support male “great artists” are 1. Often great artists themselves and 2. Often overshadowed and negatively impacted, sometimes destroyed by their proximity to intense narcissism. You can see this pattern with Vollmer/Burroughs, Pollock/Crasners, Kelly/Crowley, Allen/Farrow - this extends into all realms including politics and business. Personal situations in our own lives shadow some of the same patterns, prompting us to take a closer look at the matter.
There is a strong tendency in artists of either gender to justify morally objectionable behavior by the argument that “great art is made in absolute moral freedom” which is patently false. If it were true, no great work would ever have been produced within a moral framework. Furthermore, it seems to stand as a longterm out for extremely narcissistic individuals to pursue their personal ideals to sometimes destructive ends, ie “if I just make GOOD ENOUGH rock and roll I can be as drunk as I want!”, this same thinking would also then justify the work of the murderer or torturer as long as it was of high enough quality. Indeed there is a lot of truth to this in public perception - It is our belief that art does not exist in a moral vacuum, that the society and culture that the artist inhabits is integral to our understanding of the artist and his/her work. We do not hate Burroughs for shooting Joan Vollmer, we find that our understanding of his actions in context to the society in which he and Joan lived deepens our understanding of his work, its symbols and patterns and his personal motivations.
Personally I (Jonny writing) have been in arguments many times about Woody Allen - whos’ movies I don’t watch because I find the idea of a man raising a child from birth and then having sex with her personally morally repulsive. Everyone I have spoken to feels the same, and most believe that these events occurred, then go on to justify their intense enjoyment of his work (it should tell you something if you feel you need to justify your enjoyment) going on to explain that “he’s just so funny,” and that they “love his movies” as if to say the films as artifacts stand completely apart from the man or our collective values about child abuse, an argument made more absurd by the fact that he’s in pretty much ALL of them.
The saying goes “behind every good man is a good woman” and yet the accomplishments of these “good” men are regarded as solely the domain of their exerted force, often without mention of their female partner who by their own admission enabled them to achieve so much. It is our desire to shine a light upon and burn a candle in remembrance of those who helped so much to create the literary, musical and artistic achievements that we cherish and hold dear.
Please note that particular attention has been paid here to the male/female relationship dynamic. It is the most obvious historically, and has the most repeating examples and thus is used. These same statements and observations can be elaborated to any situation in which more dominant and egotistic individuals are rewarded in society for subverting and undervaluing the supporting roles of their partners. It could be in business or personal relations, man/man, man/woman or with society/individuals - IE the pay of teachers and domestic workers in America today.

Here's a poem about the death of Joan Vollmer:
Remember, remember the 6th of September,
the William Tell Bullet from Seward(III) which wrent her.
The endless tequila that ate up and spent her.
well, Bill had his way with the boys and the dope,
all of it ate at her pittance of hope
things turned worse when the bennies ran out
leaving her slowly to fill with the Doubt.
The Demon watches silently, the Qualblaze has been lit
the game of Art is now afoot, and boy. it's such a hit.
with thyroid tablets, Reich and faith, she says, I think i'm gonna make it.
 
ivhdBTp.gif
 
It feels weird that this is my first post on the forum. I knew Jonny/Cdin through the BlueLight discord as a moderator, and while I never knew him as well as other people on the server, I did become at least generally familiar. He was always levelheaded, kind, and gave fantastic advice about harm reduction. And he was brilliant too-he was all self taught but had an encyclopedic goddam knowledge of so many unique subjects. I wasn't the closest to him but damn if he wasn't valuable.

Rest in peace. You mattered, Jonny, and the world is a little less bright with you gone.
 
Jonny hope youre good now. But damn it...world lost another beautiful and much needed soul. Condolences to his family and everyone that knew him. He will not be forgotten.❤️
 
I have turned on Blacklight and we will keep it on until Sunday in remembrance of cdin.

We will be doing a BL memorial service for everyone to join on the discord, tentatively for next weekend. I will update when the details for that are finalized.
 
Reposting this memorial from the discord for someone currently in treatment to read off for a balloon release memorial in Jonny's honor.

Bandcamp (music):

This morning, cdin, AKA Jonny Moon of Vollmer, AKA Jonathan Martin, passed away unexpectedly.

His death was the result of a systemic failure, and although the circumstances that led to his passing were tragic, they were far from unique. According to the most recent National Survey on Drug Use and Health, every 5 minutes, someone dies from an overdose. Yet only 6% of the 46.3 million people in the US with substance use disorder will receive treatment. The sheer scale of this loss too often makes the deaths of our loved ones feel like small drops in an overwhelmingly large sea of numbers.

But Jonny’s impact on the world was anything but small. His immense love for harm reduction, dedication to his syncretic Buddhist principles, and unwavering compassion for people who use drugs was evident in everything that he did.

Jonny was a long time member of Bluelight and had been on staff for several years. He had a deep understanding of pharmacology and safer use tactics, all of which was self-taught. He offered anyone who needed it information that was both free of judgment and frank about the more unglamorous parts of drug use. His good-natured honesty put those around him instantly at ease, and he spent countless hours coaching others through difficult times in their lives.

He was also a talented artist and musician. With his band, Vollmer (named in memory of Joan Vollmer), he played original country music. Many of you likely have had the privilege of getting serenaded by Jonny in voice chat—he would often pop in to practice guitar and end up putting on impromptu shows and singalongs.

Jonny was truly always his own person. He was a punk, an artist, and someone who cared deeply about others. The impact that he had on this community was profound and immeasurable.

We will be announcing the details of Jonny’s memorial in the server soon. Until then, please use this space to share stories and remembrances of him with each other. Anyone who knew Jonny from the forums is also encouraged to post in the thread remembering him on Bluelight’s Forums.

A collection of videos of Jonny singing and playing the guitar with his band, Vollmer, can be found here:

We want to close by sharing some words that Jonny wrote just a few days ago. They embody much of his philosophy on life, and why he will be so deeply missed.

“Life is suffering. Every human suffers - we all do. That pain cycle is what makes souls better. Like diamonds - pressure, over lifetimes of re-incarnation. I know I have done this 1,000 times, and I will do it 1,000 more, because I am a bodhisattva - which means I come back and help others to see the path, and do not leave the reincarnation wheel until everyone comes.

"Conservation of energy is how I view it. Energy is neither created nor destroyed - it is changed to another thing. What energy is cdin will become something else when this temporary form is gone.

"And I will be back, in the long line of cdins that has b
een throughout history.”
 
The fuckin guy was 2 years younger then me and now hes dead because of the shitty us healthcare system. This fuckin pisses me off
It is truly horrifying, totally corporatized, totally immoral! I am very sorry you folks lost you good friend, I could really vent but I will withhold such out of respect.
 
Sad news, cdin 🤙

as he was known, but not personally playing the music.
It was an honour to get that glimps of him. Doesn t happen often.
That someone on here gets so much closer in such a short moment
 
This hurts so bad
i dont know what to do
 
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