I have confirmed this with family. CaptainHeroin, who has been a senior moderator here for so long, has recently passed away from a tragic OD. He has helped me for very many years with harm reduction, along with countless others. He helped me laugh when no one else could. It is with great sadness I announce this to the BL community. I am weeping.
-
Bluelight
Shrine
A memorial
to Bluelighters
who have passed away
I don't know about anyone else but this painting actually brings me a lot of closure and relief about Cap's passing. You can clearly see that he was ready to die, he'd come to terms with it. That is comforting to me. I hope it can bring a bit of solace to others as well
Thank you SO much for sharing it with us Ash
Oh jesus. I'm sorry I'm a bit late but CH was an hero (pun intended; I try to make bad things better with shit puns but..it's not really apt here).
Anyway yeah, fuck...I'll miss you man. You had a much better run than most of the stats so keep that in your...soul?
RIP
Anyway yeah, fuck...I'll miss you man. You had a much better run than most of the stats so keep that in your...soul?
RIP
RIP CH
Wow was that a captain h collaboration? Shit he wasn't well at all.
The drawing that is
I feel like I wish so much that I could have done more...like why couldn’t I do more...
This was nobody’s fault my friends.
I see so many of you feeling blame and guilt over what more you could have done.
We all tried.
This really was not even The Captain’s fault.
When a person is living with chronic pain, depression, and all the other problems that suffering can bring....well...there really does come a time when some kind of break takes place and it isn’t even a conscious choice really.
It is just what happens and something we are all in danger of and we need to be aware of that.
This could be anyone of us at anytime.
That is why it so important to stick together.
Help where you can and accept help when offered.
Keep talking.
You cannot will power yourself through that kind of pain.
I know that CH is astonished at just how much he was and is still loved.
He feels our love and he is in a place of love.
He would not want any of us to feel guilty over this.
This life is not the end.
I promise you.
Until we meet again Captain.
It was a pleasure knowing you.
I was honored to be written of in your book.
Love you so much!
I see so many of you feeling blame and guilt over what more you could have done.
We all tried.
This really was not even The Captain’s fault.
When a person is living with chronic pain, depression, and all the other problems that suffering can bring....well...there really does come a time when some kind of break takes place and it isn’t even a conscious choice really.
It is just what happens and something we are all in danger of and we need to be aware of that.
This could be anyone of us at anytime.
That is why it so important to stick together.
Help where you can and accept help when offered.
Keep talking.
You cannot will power yourself through that kind of pain.
I know that CH is astonished at just how much he was and is still loved.
He feels our love and he is in a place of love.
He would not want any of us to feel guilty over this.
This life is not the end.
I promise you.
Until we meet again Captain.
It was a pleasure knowing you.
I was honored to be written of in your book.
Love you so much!
Hi there. I am brand new to the forum so I didn't know him like many of you do, but I do know loss, therefore, please allow me to mourn with you. I am very sorry for your loss.
It'd never have been enough hun.
What I mean is, some people, probably most people, are gonna feel like they didn't do enough when something like this happens.
It doesn't matter how much you tried, it'll always feel like maybe you coulda done just that little bit more?
I know that and I still can't help feel guilt. Think about the times I was talking to him and didn't spend even more time trying to help then.
It's never enough. That he died feels like it proves you didn't do enough. But you gotta know at least to some degree, it's just part of the grieving process. To feel guilt and feel like maybe there was something, anything you could have done different, done that little bit better, invested that little bit more time.
It'd extremely hard, but we all tried to help him. So many of us had recently expressed our worries to him after his overdose earlier in the year.
I don't believe he intended to die when he did, but so long as he kept on the path he was on, it was gonna happen one day. And so many of us tried so hard to help him off it.
But we weren't able too, and it's hard not to feel like in being unable too his death is partly our fault. It's not rational, it's just the way grief tends to work.
Last edited:
He was always like that, even years ago. His life was tragic.
Shit man it's crazy how many peoples lives he touched. You're in Sweden and he was USA right? I think I remember you're from Sweden cause all you can get is bupe haha!
He had definitely been worse for the last few months prior to his death though.
I and know many others tried unsuccessfully to reach out to him.
But what can you do in this kind of situation? Even when you're a blood family member it's hard to do anything, cause you're entrapped into where you don't know the future and you don't know how any of the very slim number of things you can do will turn out.
Sometimes people find a way out of these serious depression tailspins, and sometimes they don't.
Yeah they just come out of the blue. My partner accidentally od'd a month before our wedding as she had been suffering anxiety for months. She just got carried away one night with the etizolam and white Russians...then decided to try a swig of my methadone when I was passed out...she was cold and stiff when I woke up on the settee.
That was 2 years ago and I'm still fucked up. But we had a little boy which is the only thing that stopped me from joining her.
Drugs fucking SUCK sometimes.
That was 2 years ago and I'm still fucked up. But we had a little boy which is the only thing that stopped me from joining her.
Drugs fucking SUCK sometimes.
Me too @axe battlerShit man, that's horrible, I'm really sorry.
sincerely and deeply sorry.
Keep living.
Keep on keeping on.
You have much to live for.
I cannot bring myself to look at the last message I had from CH.
I thought I could do it today but my hands started shaking and I got sick to my stomach.
I feel guilty also friends.
I thought I could do it today but my hands started shaking and I got sick to my stomach.
I feel guilty also friends.
I cannot bring myself to look at the last message I had from CH.
I thought I could do it today but my hands started shaking and I got sick to my stomach.
I feel guilty also friends.
My advice? Maybe don't. At least not right now.
I have, read various messages I had with him just before his death, it's really brutal. If you're not entirely sure you wanna read them yet, perhaps don't just yet.
Last edited:
My heart just absolutely broke for you. I am so sorry that happened
I hope you and your little boy live a full and wonderful life together in memory of her This is actually very good advice. When my best friend Dan died, it took a good 6 months before I could bring myself to read the last message exchange we had. It was literally just a few hours before he ODd. When I finally did read the messages, I dropped my phone and had a complete meltdown.
Don't do it until you feel ready.