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in love with a girl and waiting for her

forestman4

forestman4

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 5, 2016
Messages
236
Location
India
So I'm in deep love with a girl for over 1 year now, sadly one sided.

She used to talk to me a lot, but now since I went for home schooling, she has restricted me to only mailing, no social networking etc..

Just when I thought everything was lost (because she had a boy friend) she reply to my mail on valentines day, saying she is single and she wants to live single forever..

Now I can't love another girl, I couldn't even watch porn without feeling guilty. I just want her. I don't want anything but her love. However the only thing that tells me is a feeling she will fall in love with me late March.

I haven't had a reply from her since valentines day and I've been sending her 100's of mail.

What should I do.
I promised her I wouldn't drink alcohol on new years eve and she wanted to me to make that promise..
So I'm just resorting to pills and cigarettes to rid for my depression. I feel like she considers me a 'disposable' recourse because I proposed to her first. And I've just become literally a slave to her. Because I can't do anything against her will. If she says something I just can't say no.

All her relationships she's had so far lasts under 2 weeks. So I know for a fact that she isn't going to have a successfull on unless she falls in love with me... but waiting is slowly killing me.

Is she doing this on purpose? Should I give her time? Should I keep sending her mails?

God I don't know what to do and it's taking a toll on my studies. I just want to give her everything, idon'the care about what I want anymore. I want to give her all the money I can earn, I want to give her all my love.. but for some reason she doesn't find that good enough to accept me..

She just thinks I'm a liar. Because I was just a really bad alcoholic when I met her.. I quit last year for her but I just don't know what to do?

This is taking me to places I don't want to go.
I've been taking pills and I overdosed a while ago, the depression I get from the fact I'm never going to get her love is making me do stuipid things...

I'm from a respected and rich family. Very rich family, I have sports bikes and cars just for me.. but it doesn't look like she is even 1 bit impressed. Actually she thinks I'm a spoiled brat.

What do I do now? All help is appreciated..
 
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She will never be what you want her to be. You are just making a fool out of yourself. Perhaps she is so desirable because she is unattainable, she knows this and is playing you.

I had a similar situation except I don't love her and am not attracted to her. I reached out to her looking for a friend and she committed to being there and I shared a lot of intimate details with her. It was a bit much for her but I trusted her and I heard her betray that trust by sharing my vulnerability with a bunch of people and had them all try to interpret it and then the gossiping started and everyone is picking apart my personal life in the completely wrong way, the things that I heard them saying were wrong and I tried to tell her that. It was so important for her to just tell me it was too much for her and just have that dialog and just acknowledge that she made a mistake and for her to see exactly how that affected me and that I was telling the truth. I made an ass out of myself and took that leap of faith with the wrong person and hearing her talking about it with a bunch of people I felt completely violated and still do. Imagine sharing your most intimate details with someone when you are suicidal and they committed to being your friend and told you it was ok and then them just backing off and taking my mental breakdown and making fun of it and picking you apart and asking her about it and her denying it and then covincing yourself that you are insane because you can't believe your trust was betrayed in that way. She even went and talked to people at NA meeting I go to and they were being vague but referring to what I was talking to her about. Just wanting that power back and not to be made the victim of gossip and bullying when you are at your weakest because it made me afraid to trust anyone else. The moral of my story is that people are shit and to learn to be more guarded in who you trust or who you give your heart to because some people will take it and shit on it and just not care enough to face you and just tell you the truth, even when not telling you the truth has you questioning your sanity and almost ending up on anti-psychotics.

I just wouldn't listen and what I heard was the truth and not being able to accept that and still trying to trust someone to do the right thing when they clearly aren't interested in doing that just caused me further hurt. You shouldn't fight and beg for someones attention and love as these things are reciprocal and you should never put another human being on a pedestal, they don't have to care about your feelings or what it might be doing to you. Sometimes it's hard for people just to be straight with you because they want to spare your feelings but it ends up having the opposite effect, and them being a coward and just saying something to be nice and stringing you along apparently is easier to do. Learning to accept what something clearly is and to be able to read between the lines will save you a lot of grief because very few people in this life will be willing to just tell you the truth.

Also, being needy is a turn off for most people out there and professing your undying love for someone is just going to make them think you are insane or make them extremely uncomfortable if they don't feel the same way. I get like you do but it's not because of love it was out of desperation to want to trust someone after I spilled my guts out on them and it was awkward when they really didn't feel that level of connectedness. People can't help the way they feel and when you get obsessive and overbearing it puts them in a real awkward position but the best thing to do in these situations is always to be direct and honest as hard as that may be.

You should stop communicating with her cut your losses and stop torturing yourself. She doesn't actually care and it may come from sympathy or pity and take an honest look at what you are doing that may have her feel like she has to react in this manner. Looking at the situation objectively from both angles, having empathy and understanding for her position and also be able to be honest with yourself and look at what you can change about yourself to not encounter this situation again. You are looking for love in all the wrong places and you are setting yourself up for failure. Find people who actually care about you and can reciprocate the feelings that you have for them.
 
Honestly your story shocked me.. especially the suicidal part but then I love her.. so I don't think that I have a lot of secrets in my life..

I mean she has made me dance in woman's cloths just so she could laugh as she was bored, and I trusted her to keep it to herself but she ended up showing to her family.. well I don't care about that really..

Shes like kryptonite you know. I just can't stop my quest to get her love..

I don't care if she isn't going to be things I want her to be.. I'd do anything for her.. I just want her to love me.. That's all
 
The more she knows you're head over heels the more she knows she can manipulate you like a puppet.

You sound young. Most young girls will go for the one who plays more hard to get. At that age they like a challenge. Especially as you said her boyfriends don't last long. It seems she is in it for the chase

Don't confuse love with lust. Love takes times and is two-sided

The more you put her on a pedestal the more you will "fall in love " with your idealized version of her, not who she really is


Back off from her. Once she stops getting texts/mail from you she will notice and start to try and get your attention again. Young girls like the attention.

Hard as it may be, play more hard to get. If she know she can work you like a puppet, she will. Make her want your company.

Finally--you have to get your good feelings and happiness in yourself before you can ever share them with someone else. A strong confident person who has his own interest is attractive. Someone who mopes around mooning over someone and will do anything they ask is not. You have to be your own person to be part of a relationship eventually. So do your own things that interest you. And don't ever let her know that power she has in your mind

Trust me. Girls like a challenge. They don't like clingy guys
 
The fact that you come from a very wealthy family is helpful, because I think you most certainly need to seek professional help.

Your obsession is incredibly unhealthy and concerning, and your self-esteem needs some serious work. The suicide attempt is obviously an issue as well. The fact that something in you has allowed you to become a dancing monkey for a girl who won't even add you on her social media is something you need to address.

You are not in love with her. This is not love. It has been a year and she treats you like garbage...it's time to let go.

Commit to getting well and finding balance. Speak to your doctor and get yourself a referral to a psychologist and/or psychiatrist ASAP.
 
If your relationship has been reduced to you being pen-pals, I don't think there is much hope there.

Sounds like you need to go out, have as much sex as possible, and move on.
 
Actually she doesn't play me like a puppet anymore, and I agree it's time to move on but I can't.
It's never really about the sex.. I'm still a virgin and obviously I value virginity..

I'll take your advice and cease contact with her . Maybe it's going to help but hopefully it doesn't ruin what little of a relationship I have with her.

I appreciate the help guys. Thanks a lot.
 
In my opinion you need to forget about this chick and move on. You as a person have a lot of value(not talking about money here) and the more you understand that the more you can expect a women to treat you well and appreciate the value that you bring to the relationship.
 
Honestly were both pretty young. But hey my grandmother got married when she was 10.. honestly I'd wait 10 years for the girl I love, but no guarantees on waiting. All I ever asked her was for her to wait until we're both old enough and until late I start my buisness.. but she doesn't want to give me any promises.
 
pretty young means less than 18, I suppose? my advice is to move on, she most probably won't come around, no matter what. it also doesn't seem like you know her that well. feeling affection is good, but should also be questioned.

in a few years, you will see this from another perspective and wonder how you could be so emotionally dependant on a girl who just played you. you'll see. ;)
 
forestman4 said:
Honestly were both pretty young. But hey my grandmother got married when she was 10.. honestly I'd wait 10 years for the girl I love, but no guarantees on waiting. All I ever asked her was for her to wait until we're both old enough and until late I start my buisness.. but she doesn't want to give me any promises.
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I gotta know, how old are you and your girl?
 
forestman4 said:
I'm 16 she's 17
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Yeah so ah, you seem like a cool dude with a good head on your shoulders. Don't let one chick jack with your head like this when you're 16 years old. The last thing you should be thinking at your age is long term relationship.

They don't make women like your grandmother anymore, that shit is a thing of the past. Move on brotha, move on.
 
Just can't forget her.. Guess I'm either too arrogant or I love her too much.. I'm going to try everything in my power and if it ain't enough,

Well I'll just create more power.
 
forestman4 said:
Just can't forget her.. Guess I'm either too arrogant or I love her too much.. I'm going to try everything in my power and if it ain't enough,

Well I'll just create more power.
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You ever had another girl pay attention to you? Is this your first love?
 
gmlifer said:
In my opinion you need to forget about this chick and move on. You as a person have a lot of value(not talking about money here) and the more you understand that the more you can expect a women to treat you well and appreciate the value that you bring to the relationship.
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Do this. You deserve better, and waiting around for someone usually 9 out of 10 times does not work out.

Be careful with the pills you take. If you need help getting sober go to a rehab/detox center. Good luck and stay safe.
 
You are just young. If you are away from her in terms of distance, that's a huge step. You aren't friends on social media, even better, you don't know what's going on in her life, and vica versa. Let it go buddy, this will only make you stronger in the end! Don't give up!
 
Do you have insurance? Search your insurance and a psychologist or therapist. Find someone to talk to about this. It sounds serious and I think you'll need all the support you can get to be able to detach from her in a healthy way. I think it's a good thing that you have stopped drinking, but pretty horrible that you were an alcoholic at 16 years old, please get some support, we don't want to see you go down a rabbit hole. She has taken you out of the drinking, but she is still keeping you very weak. You need to work on yourself and becoming strong. If it's meant to be, it'll happen, but if not, you'll find true love one day (because it may feel like it but from what you're telling us, it isn't).
 
The sooner you realize that she's never going to be with you the better. She's just gonna play games with you. You're young and probably won't listen to this advice, but quit obsessing over her and live your damn life!!
 
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