do you ever feel like time is moving but nothing else is? it's almost like i'm being filmed at 24 fps, while my surroundings are 1,000 fps. (camera reference) I get medication tomorrow for bi polar, which means my life is finally going to be perfect! NOT. well, at least i'll feel sort of better. But how does one cure laziness? I keep thinking of getting off the couch, but i have this paralyzing feeling in my chest that stops me. It's hard to explain unless you know what depression is. Sleeping til 2 pm and insomnia keeping you up until 4 am. Xbox live is my only form of entertainment besides learning about conspiracy theories.
I keep thinking there's gotta be a way to motivate my mind, convince it life outside of this 2,400 square foot box is worth seeing. That it's better than netflix, porn and ableton live. This girl i went to school with is my neighbor and she comes home around 6:30 every night. She texts me every saturday night seeing if i'm doing anything but usually it's just "sitting around. how about you?" I'm no expert on the female sex, but that is gonna be a giant turn off. So i think, what could i text her that would make her want to come over? She's so nice, it's not like i'd have to write "i'm having a heartattack, help!", but maybe something i am working on would catch her attention. My conspiracy novel is underway, and it's one hope. I just can't get bored of it and stop, like EVERY thing i've started on. I tend to give up easy, a dreamy trait. She is something i can work with as a friend, as i have burnt every bridge in this town worth walking on.
Friday i am taking a trip to Hutchinson with my mother to go see a herbal specialist, or whatever you call them. Maybe to get some herbal energy pills, different than the ones i used to take i'm sure (adderal, cocaine). Still clean from EVERY drug though, going on two weeks. I'm entertaining the thought of narcotics annonymous, although i do not want to make any friends from the groups. My aunt who has her phd in psychology wants to see me every sunday for an hour or two. This is a weird thing though because i've never opened up to my family like my shrinks.
Random thought, who wouldn't wanna date a girl like kaylee from Serenity. perfect personality.
anyways, no more thoughts. Just another day of failed ambition, hoping to turn it around tomorrow. I still have my five goals, and so far number 1 and 2 are attainable soon. will keep writing when i have something i feel like writing.
I keep thinking there's gotta be a way to motivate my mind, convince it life outside of this 2,400 square foot box is worth seeing. That it's better than netflix, porn and ableton live. This girl i went to school with is my neighbor and she comes home around 6:30 every night. She texts me every saturday night seeing if i'm doing anything but usually it's just "sitting around. how about you?" I'm no expert on the female sex, but that is gonna be a giant turn off. So i think, what could i text her that would make her want to come over? She's so nice, it's not like i'd have to write "i'm having a heartattack, help!", but maybe something i am working on would catch her attention. My conspiracy novel is underway, and it's one hope. I just can't get bored of it and stop, like EVERY thing i've started on. I tend to give up easy, a dreamy trait. She is something i can work with as a friend, as i have burnt every bridge in this town worth walking on.
Friday i am taking a trip to Hutchinson with my mother to go see a herbal specialist, or whatever you call them. Maybe to get some herbal energy pills, different than the ones i used to take i'm sure (adderal, cocaine). Still clean from EVERY drug though, going on two weeks. I'm entertaining the thought of narcotics annonymous, although i do not want to make any friends from the groups. My aunt who has her phd in psychology wants to see me every sunday for an hour or two. This is a weird thing though because i've never opened up to my family like my shrinks.
Random thought, who wouldn't wanna date a girl like kaylee from Serenity. perfect personality.
anyways, no more thoughts. Just another day of failed ambition, hoping to turn it around tomorrow. I still have my five goals, and so far number 1 and 2 are attainable soon. will keep writing when i have something i feel like writing.