In Detox they asked us one thing we are afraid of....

...And write it on a piece of paper. and then past them around, so we would not know who did wat.

The one I drew up outta the hat, the answer to the thing that person was most scared of was, "The Future."

Well, That been me my whole life, But I think times a changin. Yea, I think I will post about my new found plan in here. Here it goes. As of May 1 I report to probation once a week for the first month, meaning that I will have to report once every two weeks probably for the month after that , meaning my ENTIRE SUMMER will not be a nice, hapy, clean time where I just pop suboxone and kpins and smoke weed to keep my mind off it. It will probably be like august or september before im on the monthly visits.

I would rather make it thru with as little dope as possible , really try for it this time, but weed is the only thing that can do this for me and keep my mind right and off the dope shit. So it aint gonna play out the way i want it.

No, It will be a DIESEL POWERED DOPESHOOTING FEST, And I plan to make the mutha fuckin BEST of it. I am gonna pump so much fucking heroin into my veins that Ima fall out every night and every morning at 9 am my mom will find me still past out on the lawn chair behind the back door with my cigarette burned out from the night before. Feelin the dew on my skin as i look around and realize the suns poppin up and the sky is light purple like DAMN that was a good nod.

Its gonna be fucking epic. Theres gonna be a whole lotta mutha fuckin time spent back in paterson up in here to, I thoroloughly plan to move back down and set my ass up right in the middle of the 4th ward where the dope is wild and free n the guns bust all night. The sun will be shinin and the diesel will be flowin, I think I will even smoke a rock or two in memory of the not-late great LiquidICE, my former partner in crime, whose bag of Chore Boy from last summer i found in my car not too long ago.

Base hits needle pricks cop spots and dope shots will be mine. The summer gonna stretch on and on and on, and when its over, and September 18th comes around and my license goes away for the next 24 months, Ima immortalize this sweet happy summer as my last one, load up the fattest 15-bagger I ever seen, and push off to the dreams thats waitin for me on the other side. The next couple months is gonna be great.
 
Please say that you're not serious about the last part. You're really just going to roll over like that? I can tell you what's waiting on the other side. Oblivion. No dreams, no happy clouds, no white light. Just nothingness.

Tis better to live and get high another day.
 
Wow that's scary, but I understand. I've got demons too, but doubt it's ever as simple as a permanent nod out...Hugs
 
readin thru this, it ended p kinda how i planned and kinda not.

I did shot a whole lotta dope. I OD'd on the day Michael Jackson died, and spent a couple minutes on the other side. stopped breathing, turned blue and cold, heart flatline, all that.

Didnt stop me from usin tho.

Pissed dirty May 28th, the first urine I ever got at probation.

Got sentenced to a drug evaluation which would tell them if i had a problem and wat furthre treatment I needed.

Stayed pissin clean for probation even tho i was using the whole time, til my drug eval. Passed with flying colors, the professional addiction evaluator said I had no problem and clearly didnt need anymore treatment, that I was having a great recovery, and she suggest that I dont need any extra help.

But i failed the piss test.

Almost got locked up Sept 9th , when the results came back and they told me that I was so fucked and was gonna violate. I talked em into putting me into IOP (intensive out patient) so that i couldnt use cuz they give u 2 test a week. they said OK but ur on thin ice. clean up or else.

So i got on methadone, and i been clean since sept 10...Never went to IOP the program was too full, but got clean on my own...

Court got pushed back til october, and halfway thru I got sentenced. Didnt loose my drivers license tho, judge seen how good i was doin and decided not to take it. got 2 yrs probation and some comm svc.

And the "not-late great liquidICE" Im sad to say, Is now late. :( RIP homie, I miss you alot everyday. We had some good times together boy.

Just goes to show you how much things change.....
 
Sure, but it's great to hear that you're clean. That you did it on your own just makes that much more an accomplishment.
 
Top