I really hope someone on this site will take the time to read my story and help me. I'm afraid I'm another one of those people for whom ecstasy use has had a tragic, life changing effect. I have been desperate for help and yet most sites or forums have been of no use. Even my doctor couldn't help much, but I wouldn't expect him to be an expert on MDMA. So please, if after reading my story and hearing about my symptoms, you can help me, I would be so greatly appreciative.
I started rolling at raves when I was 17 and rolled in total about seven different times. In my first month I took a half pill the first time, two pills the second, and six the third. After that I mellowed out a bit, only rolling twice my second month, two pills each time, then taking a month break, then rolling once in the fourth month and taking two pills and then a final time in the fifth month taking two pills and what I thought was a mollie. This last event would be the life changing catalyst that I would come to regret so much and that haunts me every day.
I suppose I should get to the problem. I'm sorry, but I'm shacking just writing about it. This has been a non-stop nightmare for eleven months now and I am desperate for it to end. Basically a few days after that last night rolling I came down with a strange sensation in my head and toe curling. They're connected, because the toe curling is the worst when my head hurts the worst and for a week after I hit my head during the summer both stopped. But I'm getting off on a tangent. Basically the sensation in my head is a restless one, making it very hard to concentrate or even read, and has greatly diminished my attention span. It's not quite a headache and doesn't quite hurt but it just bothers me, like a swelling sensation almost. It has made me refrain from physical activity and decreased my reading considerably. I was always an intelligent person, regardless of my reasons for getting involved in drugs, and I feel this has put my entire future in jeopardy.
Oh gosh, I'm so flustered, I hope I'm being sensical and that I am effectively conveying the nature of my condition, well enough at least for someone to recognize it. Basically, to restate what I said before, I am suffering from a constant feeling of restlessness and swelling almost in my head, and along with that toe curling of my smallest-right foot toe. If that makes sense. I just don't feel full of mind. People say that E puts a hole in your brain, and I guess I literally feel that way.
Now I've tried everything I can think of to help. I've taken 5-htp, an SSRI, had an MRI (which showed no damage), taken Vitamin D pills (tests showed I was dangerously low, which probably explains why E wrecked such havoc on my immune system,) prayed, become an atheist, and tried to psyche myself into thinking I was making it up (and maybe I am). I sleep, am relatively active, and eat alright, but none of these things have very much bearing on the condition. I used to smoke pot but gave up all drugs completely about two months after the condition began (as you can perhaps understand).
I hope this has all made sense and that someone in this community can at least point me in the right direction. I think the culprit was the 'mollie' that I took. One friend who had half the same kind of capsule suffered frequent headaches for about three months but has since been fine. Other friends haven't had any symptoms. I took a whole capsule and fear some unknown substance might have been in there. Maybe someone with experience testing pills and capsules knows what the culprit might have been? Maybe a piperazine?
I'd usually check the pills I was planning on taking on pill reports, and had planned on quitting rolling, but events got ahead of me that night and I will regret that as long as I am afflicted by this condition. Luckily my intellect has not been greatly diminished though I was awfully suicidal for awhile and would often rather die than stay alive with this condition. I can't be the first person who this has happened to (though I wouldn't be surprised if I am, in a sick twist of fate) and am desperate that someone out there can help me. Thank you, any help or a sympathetic ear would mean the world to me.
You can either post here or contact me through a Private message. I am protective of my privacy due to the stigma of drug use but if you want my email address just drop me a pm. Thank you for reading this, best wishes.
-B
I started rolling at raves when I was 17 and rolled in total about seven different times. In my first month I took a half pill the first time, two pills the second, and six the third. After that I mellowed out a bit, only rolling twice my second month, two pills each time, then taking a month break, then rolling once in the fourth month and taking two pills and then a final time in the fifth month taking two pills and what I thought was a mollie. This last event would be the life changing catalyst that I would come to regret so much and that haunts me every day.
I suppose I should get to the problem. I'm sorry, but I'm shacking just writing about it. This has been a non-stop nightmare for eleven months now and I am desperate for it to end. Basically a few days after that last night rolling I came down with a strange sensation in my head and toe curling. They're connected, because the toe curling is the worst when my head hurts the worst and for a week after I hit my head during the summer both stopped. But I'm getting off on a tangent. Basically the sensation in my head is a restless one, making it very hard to concentrate or even read, and has greatly diminished my attention span. It's not quite a headache and doesn't quite hurt but it just bothers me, like a swelling sensation almost. It has made me refrain from physical activity and decreased my reading considerably. I was always an intelligent person, regardless of my reasons for getting involved in drugs, and I feel this has put my entire future in jeopardy.
Oh gosh, I'm so flustered, I hope I'm being sensical and that I am effectively conveying the nature of my condition, well enough at least for someone to recognize it. Basically, to restate what I said before, I am suffering from a constant feeling of restlessness and swelling almost in my head, and along with that toe curling of my smallest-right foot toe. If that makes sense. I just don't feel full of mind. People say that E puts a hole in your brain, and I guess I literally feel that way.
Now I've tried everything I can think of to help. I've taken 5-htp, an SSRI, had an MRI (which showed no damage), taken Vitamin D pills (tests showed I was dangerously low, which probably explains why E wrecked such havoc on my immune system,) prayed, become an atheist, and tried to psyche myself into thinking I was making it up (and maybe I am). I sleep, am relatively active, and eat alright, but none of these things have very much bearing on the condition. I used to smoke pot but gave up all drugs completely about two months after the condition began (as you can perhaps understand).
I hope this has all made sense and that someone in this community can at least point me in the right direction. I think the culprit was the 'mollie' that I took. One friend who had half the same kind of capsule suffered frequent headaches for about three months but has since been fine. Other friends haven't had any symptoms. I took a whole capsule and fear some unknown substance might have been in there. Maybe someone with experience testing pills and capsules knows what the culprit might have been? Maybe a piperazine?
I'd usually check the pills I was planning on taking on pill reports, and had planned on quitting rolling, but events got ahead of me that night and I will regret that as long as I am afflicted by this condition. Luckily my intellect has not been greatly diminished though I was awfully suicidal for awhile and would often rather die than stay alive with this condition. I can't be the first person who this has happened to (though I wouldn't be surprised if I am, in a sick twist of fate) and am desperate that someone out there can help me. Thank you, any help or a sympathetic ear would mean the world to me.
You can either post here or contact me through a Private message. I am protective of my privacy due to the stigma of drug use but if you want my email address just drop me a pm. Thank you for reading this, best wishes.
-B
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