So, I've been on klonopin for the past few years, on and off, rarely more than 1mg/day, which I know is bad. I recently started a hard-quit off of it, going from 1mg/day to .75/day for 2 days... but today (the 2nd day) I felt a scathing anxiety. Something that I've thought was under control, at least by the theanine and phenibut I recently ordered that seems to help. By the way, I am currently on 1.5g phenibut, kanna, and 3mg klonopin, so sorry if my thoughts are "simple" and scattered. The anxiety was so unusual (though I believe it's due to eating before falling asleep last night... normally I do intermittent fasting and don't eat past 9. I also am starting an herbal detox program, and follow the primal/GAPS diet as closely as I can. I exercise regularly and have a great diet high in lipids), so unusual that I ordered 4oz of kratom to come OVERNIGHT, $20 shipping... as a freelance videographer, I both have money trouble, innate genius, and often the need to be under the influence of a low/medium dose of Kratom while on the job.
I also currently feel lonely, like all this has created such a dissociation within me... let alone the fact that I drove 800 miles recently to visit my ex-gf, took some kratom at times, and just needed the transient moments to keep my romanticism within me.
I feel like recently I have come to terms with my own reality (I am an artist and filmmaker working on my 2nd feature, something that can describe how I feel but still would achieve no catharsis). I have delved into nihilism the past year, have taken shrooms several times, gone on solitary adventures, and still feel an emptiness. Something that I have treated in the past with mindfulness and meditation. I can't relate to anyone and my only desires are to be alone and numb myself. I feel like I have gained so much knowledge the past few months, knowledge that include my non-desire to aspire for what's generally conceived as knowledge, knowing what I want to do... but I feel a tinsel of psychosis (kratom-oriented?) in which I know so much about the illusions of my own humanity that I cannot enjoy anything. Currently, the desire to be with others and the baseline anxiety has prevented me from achieving such nihilistic non-goals.
Does anyone relate to my hazy description, or offer any advice? Thank you guys..!
I also currently feel lonely, like all this has created such a dissociation within me... let alone the fact that I drove 800 miles recently to visit my ex-gf, took some kratom at times, and just needed the transient moments to keep my romanticism within me.
I feel like recently I have come to terms with my own reality (I am an artist and filmmaker working on my 2nd feature, something that can describe how I feel but still would achieve no catharsis). I have delved into nihilism the past year, have taken shrooms several times, gone on solitary adventures, and still feel an emptiness. Something that I have treated in the past with mindfulness and meditation. I can't relate to anyone and my only desires are to be alone and numb myself. I feel like I have gained so much knowledge the past few months, knowledge that include my non-desire to aspire for what's generally conceived as knowledge, knowing what I want to do... but I feel a tinsel of psychosis (kratom-oriented?) in which I know so much about the illusions of my own humanity that I cannot enjoy anything. Currently, the desire to be with others and the baseline anxiety has prevented me from achieving such nihilistic non-goals.
Does anyone relate to my hazy description, or offer any advice? Thank you guys..!