funny cuz here I am THINKING I am doing much better than I once was because I am not using daily but here I am still BROKE as a motherfucker because I may not used for 2-3 days straight but then when I do I am grabbing far too much and wasting the money that I should have been saving!
its sad that money runs this world; without money there is not much you can do in life. sure, the money I once had/made throughout the past 10yrs was spent on drugs/alcohol/court and other problems of mine; all problems I brought upon myself, but due to these problems I never have a fucking dollar to do a thing a NORMAL PERSON WOULD DO! can I take a chick on a date!? unfortunately not at the moment because I cannot afford to. I am not even paying my cell phone bill this month because I need all the money that is in my bank account till the 1st, which is when I will get paid again. once I am paid I will pay off my MISSED BILLS and rent IMMEDIATELY! so right there I spend a good portion of the check and it leaves me in a tough bind because I only get paid monthly.
I hear/see these people going on vacations, buying a house (I rent, obv.. luckily I can even do that) and many others things that involve cash; here I am w/ NOTHING, but yet spending $100+ a day to get high at times, along w/ my $ that I spent on Uber, which drives me everywhere because I currently do not have a license due to a DUI! also pay court fee's, classes for the DUI and many other charges which come to over $150+/mo. sure, the dope is $100/day but that $150/mo is another thing that hurts me, along w/ my Suboxone Dr. visit which is another $140/mo and many other bills that center around my addiction problems and criminal type lifestyle. damn, its just fucking sad. hopefully I will be OFF PROBATION IN 1 year from now and I will be ABLE TO LIVE AGAIN, FREE, and HOPEFULLY, once again, kick this RAGING FUCKING DOPE HABIT, man.
I dont know, I just had to write something up as I sit here at work, somewhat miserable, thinking about my life and how I fucked it up to the point where I dont know what to do next. I am just HOPING I am able to straighten out and get things back in order; esp. this HEROIN FUCKING PROBLEM which I still abuse even tho I take Suboxone and I am able to go 3-4 days and feel great but yet still call the dope man and ask for it. makes no sense to me, but I still do it.. oh well, I need to fix that.
OK, bye-bye.
its sad that money runs this world; without money there is not much you can do in life. sure, the money I once had/made throughout the past 10yrs was spent on drugs/alcohol/court and other problems of mine; all problems I brought upon myself, but due to these problems I never have a fucking dollar to do a thing a NORMAL PERSON WOULD DO! can I take a chick on a date!? unfortunately not at the moment because I cannot afford to. I am not even paying my cell phone bill this month because I need all the money that is in my bank account till the 1st, which is when I will get paid again. once I am paid I will pay off my MISSED BILLS and rent IMMEDIATELY! so right there I spend a good portion of the check and it leaves me in a tough bind because I only get paid monthly.
I hear/see these people going on vacations, buying a house (I rent, obv.. luckily I can even do that) and many others things that involve cash; here I am w/ NOTHING, but yet spending $100+ a day to get high at times, along w/ my $ that I spent on Uber, which drives me everywhere because I currently do not have a license due to a DUI! also pay court fee's, classes for the DUI and many other charges which come to over $150+/mo. sure, the dope is $100/day but that $150/mo is another thing that hurts me, along w/ my Suboxone Dr. visit which is another $140/mo and many other bills that center around my addiction problems and criminal type lifestyle. damn, its just fucking sad. hopefully I will be OFF PROBATION IN 1 year from now and I will be ABLE TO LIVE AGAIN, FREE, and HOPEFULLY, once again, kick this RAGING FUCKING DOPE HABIT, man.
I dont know, I just had to write something up as I sit here at work, somewhat miserable, thinking about my life and how I fucked it up to the point where I dont know what to do next. I am just HOPING I am able to straighten out and get things back in order; esp. this HEROIN FUCKING PROBLEM which I still abuse even tho I take Suboxone and I am able to go 3-4 days and feel great but yet still call the dope man and ask for it. makes no sense to me, but I still do it.. oh well, I need to fix that.
OK, bye-bye.
