I'm worried about going back into the world without any sort of drug...

[xburtonchic]

There hasn't been a time where I haven't been on SOME sort of drug since I was 15. It started with alcohol, then MJ, the ecstasy, then crystal meth and cocaine... went to rehab for two months when I was 17; and was only clean for about 3 weeks until one of the outpatients started sneaking vodka in for us and we would mix it with coke and drink it at AA meetings. Um... yeah... I know that sounds really bad. After rehab, I went back to alcohol, then went into the military. Was clean for four months during training, then went straight back to alcohol and cocaine use. I was also prescribed Klonopin at this time. When I got out, it was more drinking, and that's when my opiate use started. Now I'm on Suboxone and Xanax and Busperone (sp?). Not to mention cigarettes. I need to quit all of these things soon, and it's been so long since I've gone through life without having some sort of chemical crutch that I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can make it without having some sort of pill to rely on when things get bad. I've never been good at dealing with my emotions; they're too strong for me- too many things built up inside over the years, and it gets overwhelming at times.

Does anyone else ever feel this way? Has anyone else ever successfully done this, and does it get easier? Seriously, I am terrified of going back into the world without my pills and even cigarettes. :/

 

[berry1]

There hasn't been a time where I haven't been on SOME sort of drug since I was 15. It started with alcohol, then MJ, the ecstasy, then crystal meth and cocaine... went to rehab for two months when I was 17; and was only clean for about 3 weeks until one of the outpatients started sneaking vodka in for us and we would mix it with coke and drink it at AA meetings. Um... yeah... I know that sounds really bad. After rehab, I went back to alcohol, then went into the military. Was clean for four months during training, then went straight back to alcohol and cocaine use. I was also prescribed Klonopin at this time. When I got out, it was more drinking, and that's when my opiate use started. Now I'm on Suboxone and Xanax and Busperone (sp?). Not to mention cigarettes. I need to quit all of these things soon, and it's been so long since I've gone through life without having some sort of chemical crutch that I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can make it without having some sort of pill to rely on when things get bad. I've never been good at dealing with my emotions; they're too strong for me- too many things built up inside over the years, and it gets overwhelming at times.

Does anyone else ever feel this way? Has anyone else ever successfully done this, and does it get easier? Seriously, I am terrified of going back into the world without my pills and even cigarettes. :/

Hey mate, i feel for you... but who says you have too give up smoking i smoke,,,, tobacco,,,,, Yes sure its harmfull but so is allot of things. If i was in your shoes i would sure smoke regularly.

Also why dont you look into some legal highs, not marijuana, LSD, ectacy etc i mean stuff like <snip> are ment too be amazing... you can still have a good time and enjoy the high but with out getting addicted and doing serious damage... On the other hand you have too have the fine line between addiction and fun like theirs nothing rong with enjoying some party pills (legal ones) every now and then but if your doing it every day then you have a problem. Tbh thought mate im sure, actually i no it will get better after a while but if i was you i would have something like cigarets or the legal highs.

Hope your feeling good soon buddy :D

 

[Thou]

Baby steps.

Take each one at a time, very slowly.


Start with the sub, then the benzo's (if you really need to do away with EVERYTHING), then the rest.

This will take years, so be patient.

Do you have underlying emotional/mental issues at hand? Obviously you were prescribed klonopin for a reason, so I'm assuming if these issues haven't been dealt with yet you should stay on the treatment until they are.

Your first goal is to taper the suboxone slowly without raising your other drugs and/or making you depressed or somehow less content.

Surround yourself with positivity, if this is at all feasible for you right now.


Stop smoking last! Trust me on this.

Good luck.


Mods: This sounds like TDS material....

 

[Jabberwocky]

Agreed that this is TDS material thouart_that. xburtonchic I think making some plans about how to get things happening the way you like might benefit from doing some planning or analysis of what's going on with a trusted adviser or confidant. Do you have someone you can share the whole situation with?

Homeless---------------->TDS

 

[misszee007]

I too worry about the same thing. I began my use when I was a kid and for the past 16 years there hasn't been a time when I wasn't using one thing or another to keep me going.

I guess we just have to accept our selves how we are when we are sober. Repressing issues with drug use is the way we have coped with life and now we have to essentially change the way we live, think and act.

I myself like doing something because i feel life is boring with out it, when in fact i did notice recently that i seem to be a completely different person while off of it. People enjoy my company more but yet for some reason I still take my meds, because I need them and also of the feeling I get too. I guess I should take my own advise.

Right now is the hard part as I imagine you are going through WD's and life seems to have no light at the tunnel. I think by you talking to us here on BL is a good way to vent amongst people who are going, have gone through the same thing, while still maintaining an anonymity, and no one here is out for your money like doctors or have a biased opinion of you like friends and family do.

Hang in there!

 

[Wolfmans_BrothEr]

I've read all your other posts and I'm exactly in the same situation as u. I'm on day 4 of bupe w.d, been to multiple inpatient and outpatient, had clean time but relapsed. I can tell you that these last 4 days have been the hardest thing I've ever had to endure, but I need to keep my mind straight and focused, and that's the only way you'll b able to get through this. The brain plays such huge factor in everything you do it's amazing.

I've heard some people talk about permanentley depleting their seratonin levels from drug use but I think that's bullshit. The body naturally heals itself and combats whatever isn't in sync. You'd have to REALLY fuck your life up to have that happen. Once your done with the w.d and all that start adding some structure to your day. Helps keeping your mind off using plus you feel good about yourself for doing something positive. Feel free to PM me cause I know how much it means to have someone who knows what your dealing with.

You can do it dude, the first few days are the hardest, and it's not worth going back to what you've been doing after all the work you've put in to stay clean. At the point your at now it'll serve you much better to ride it out, and I can guarantee you'll feel so fuckin good about yourself once everything's all said and done that it'll make up for it.

The decisions you make over the next week or so will define you as a person

 

[Legerity]

Hey mate, i feel for you... but who says you have too give up smoking i smoke,,,, tobacco,,,,, Yes sure its harmfull but so is allot of things. If i was in your shoes i would sure smoke regularly.

Also why dont you look into some legal highs, not marijuana, LSD, ectacy etc i mean stuff like party pills the dove ones are ment too be amazing... you can still have a good time and enjoy the high but with out getting addicted and doing serious damage... On the other hand you have too have the fine line between addiction and fun like theirs nothing rong with enjoying some party pills (legal ones) every now and then but if your doing it every day then you have a problem. Tbh thought mate im sure, actually i no it will get better after a while but if i was you i would have something like cigarets or the legal highs.

Hope your feeling good soon buddy :D

I'm not sure what you are referring to by "party pills" but if they are piperazines as wikipedia claims then I would not be suggesting this as a safe alternative to other substances. The legality of a substance has nothing to do with its safety. Piperazines are showing up in all sorts of pills that people are selling as MDMA and many are having terrible reactions. Just like this bath salt bullshit going around.

In response to your question xburtonchic, sure it can get easier. It is normal to feel scared about giving up something that has comforted you for an extended period of time. Emotions can be overwhelming when we're used to burying them away but there's no reason that you can't feel more at ease if you are patient with yourself. Do what feels right to you at a pace that you are comfortable with.

 

[xburtonchic]

Baby steps.

Take each one at a time, very slowly.


Start with the sub, then the benzo's (if you really need to do away with EVERYTHING), then the rest.

This will take years, so be patient.

Do you have underlying emotional/mental issues at hand? Obviously you were prescribed klonopin for a reason, so I'm assuming if these issues haven't been dealt with yet you should stay on the treatment until they are.

Your first goal is to taper the suboxone slowly without raising your other drugs and/or making you depressed or somehow less content.

Surround yourself with positivity, if this is at all feasible for you right now.


Stop smoking last! Trust me on this.

Good luck.


Mods: This sounds like TDS material....

I'll be off the Sub on June 17th Are you sure about quitting smoking last? I was thinking I might quit the benzo's last, in case I need them for the anxiety that comes with tobacco withdrawals. And yes, the reason I became addicted to opiates in the first place was due to PTSD from a few things that happened in the military.... that has cleared up on it's own, however. Well, the worst of it has anyway. The rest of it I'm dealing with through counseling.

I don't really have anyone I can share the situation with, because I don't know anyone else in real life who is going through the same thing... all I have are the online forums, really. Not the same thing as real life of course, but it still definitely helps a lot to know that I have a supportive network somewhere and it's inspiring to see success stories first hand, as I'm sure you all agree.

 

[xburtonchic]

misszee, I know EXACTLY what you mean about life being "boring" without it. That's how I felt with hydro. However, life became even more boring on Suboxone because it made me lose a lot of my motivation for basically everything. :/ I guess it's a bit of a lose-lose situation. The thing that scares me most is that at the beginning of my Sub treatment, the cravings were non-existent... now that I'm on such a low dose, they're coming back full force. I seriously sat on my bed for about an hour just now... just staring at my Trams and thinking, "I could take one of these and a full Sub and get a pretty nice high right now". But then I just put the lid back on and walked away. Not without effort though. I just hope I don't actually give in one day. Good luck with your situation too!

Wolfmans; Sorry you're going through withdrawals. I hope it gets better for you soon. And also, thanks for the positive reinforcement! I can't PM yet- still have a few more posts before I reach Bluelighter status- but feel free to friend me. You can always PM me and vent if you need to; I might not be able to respond just yet, but I can still read it!

As far as Pipes and the bath salts, if that's what you meant as the legal party pills... I won't go anywhere near that stuff. I've heard some pretty gnarly horror stories on Erowid about it, and about the bath salts in the news causing deaths and what not. Sounds scary!! I'd rather stick with MJ, poppy seeds, salvia, etc. If I could get my hands on some Opium or Mescaline, I wouldn't complain about that either haha. I've always been more of a fan of the herbal stuff.

 

[berry1]

I'm not sure what you are referring to by "party pills" but if they are piperazines as wikipedia claims then I would not be suggesting this as a safe alternative to other substances. The legality of a substance has nothing to do with its safety. Piperazines are showing up in all sorts of pills that people are selling as MDMA and many are having terrible reactions. Just like this bath salt bullshit going around.

I mean the upper style pills these kind <snip>

I no people thats used them and as far as i no their pretty harmless... compared too the illegal alternatives anyway.

 

[xburtonchic]

Interesting. I wonder if they're manufactured in the U.S. anywhere. Think I'm going to look into them a bit more first, but they seem pretty legit!

 

[wishfulthinking]

I agree man. Today is my first day of sobriety with the intentions to stay sober.
Well see how long it lasts this time, but i have better feelings about it this time.

 

[chitown rollin]

One vice at a time. You can do it. It may take a little while, but just try and get there little by little, giving up one thing at a time. Be sure you don't go cold turkey on the benzos as I did though, you'll end up in the hospital like me. Good luck to you and PM me if you want any help! I just went through a similar situation.

 

[TheLostBoys]

I always ask this question: Are you guys quitting the drugs because it cost too much money & its hurting the wallet or are you guys fed up with the whole drug life?

 

[TheLostBoys]

There hasn't been a time where I haven't been on SOME sort of drug since I was 15. It started with alcohol, then MJ, the ecstasy, then crystal meth and cocaine... went to rehab for two months when I was 17; and was only clean for about 3 weeks until one of the outpatients started sneaking vodka in for us and we would mix it with coke and drink it at AA meetings. Um... yeah... I know that sounds really bad. After rehab, I went back to alcohol, then went into the military. Was clean for four months during training, then went straight back to alcohol and cocaine use. I was also prescribed Klonopin at this time. When I got out, it was more drinking, and that's when my opiate use started. Now I'm on Suboxone and Xanax and Busperone (sp?). Not to mention cigarettes. I need to quit all of these things soon, and it's been so long since I've gone through life without having some sort of chemical crutch that I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can make it without having some sort of pill to rely on when things get bad. I've never been good at dealing with my emotions; they're too strong for me- too many things built up inside over the years, and it gets overwhelming at times.

Does anyone else ever feel this way? Has anyone else ever successfully done this, and does it get easier? Seriously, I am terrified of going back into the world without my pills and even cigarettes. :/

Only way to quit everything at the same time is to have a regiment & plan. For instance: exercising alot, eating healthy, yoga & what not. Some kind of spirituality has helped alot of people. Bottom line is you gotta have a plan, if you dont, its gonna be a very tough road.

 

[ILikeSub]

There hasn't been a time where I haven't been on SOME sort of drug since I was 15. It started with alcohol, then MJ, the ecstasy, then crystal meth and cocaine... went to rehab for two months when I was 17; and was only clean for about 3 weeks until one of the outpatients started sneaking vodka in for us and we would mix it with coke and drink it at AA meetings. Um... yeah... I know that sounds really bad. After rehab, I went back to alcohol, then went into the military. Was clean for four months during training, then went straight back to alcohol and cocaine use. I was also prescribed Klonopin at this time. When I got out, it was more drinking, and that's when my opiate use started. Now I'm on Suboxone and Xanax and Busperone (sp?). Not to mention cigarettes. I need to quit all of these things soon, and it's been so long since I've gone through life without having some sort of chemical crutch that I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can make it without having some sort of pill to rely on when things get bad. I've never been good at dealing with my emotions; they're too strong for me- too many things built up inside over the years, and it gets overwhelming at times.

Does anyone else ever feel this way? Has anyone else ever successfully done this, and does it get easier? Seriously, I am terrified of going back into the world without my pills and even cigarettes. :/

II am nearly the exact same way.
I IV Buprenorphine daily.
I also smoke bud,occasional cocaine and other opiates,anything really besides pcp.
I wish to be clean from everything including cigs oneday but..How the fuck am I gona do it I wonder?
Is it gonna take another near death experience to change me?
Is it gonna take an amputation from a missed shot?
Idk.
But what I do know is,and I know people will prolly call me a hypocrite and a "christian fag" or whatever but I am a Christian and I believe in God and all that and IK He is always here to help me.
Its just,drugs,I fucking Love,ESPECIALLY OPIATES,LOVE them almost as much as Him.I Love God more, but than why cant i quit for Him?
Quit for me,my family,my friends.
I feel so weak sometimes.
ANd idk if ill ever stop,until im dead.

 

[TheLostBoys]

II am nearly the exact same way.
I IV Buprenorphine daily.
I also smoke bud,occasional cocaine and other opiates,anything really besides pcp.
I wish to be clean from everything including cigs oneday but..How the fuck am I gona do it I wonder?
Is it gonna take another near death experience to change me?
Is it gonna take an amputation from a missed shot?
Idk.
But what I do know is,and I know people will prolly call me a hypocrite and a "christian fag" or whatever but I am a Christian and I believe in God and all that and IK He is always here to help me.
Its just,drugs,I fucking Love,ESPECIALLY OPIATES,LOVE them almost as much as Him.I Love God more, but than why cant i quit for Him?
Quit for me,my family,my friends.
I feel so weak sometimes.
ANd idk if ill ever stop,until im dead.

Hey bro, im a christian as well & no one is gonna call you a fag for your beliefs. We may not live by the word of the good book but as long as we treat people as we wanna be treated & we try & do the right thing aside from our drug use, it should count for something.

 

[xburtonchic]

One vice at a time. You can do it. It may take a little while, but just try and get there little by little, giving up one thing at a time. Be sure you don't go cold turkey on the benzos as I did though, you'll end up in the hospital like me. Good luck to you and PM me if you want any help! I just went through a similar situation.

What happened when you quit the benzo's?
My doctor told me those would be the easiest to get off of...

noddinoff;
I have been taking St John's Wort for a little less than a week now, 3 x daily. And 5-HTP for about 4 days. I don't know if it's the Wort or the 5-HTP, but I have noticed a slight lift in mood. I quit Subs yesterday so I'm hoping it's enough to fight the mental despair that happens during w/d's!

 

[Bojangles69]

I always ask this question: Are you guys quitting the drugs because it cost too much money & its hurting the wallet or are you guys fed up with the whole drug life?

Kinda curious about this myself.

For me I wanna get off drugs because I believe to no end, when you put something in your body, your body is always going to have a harder time producing that chemical once you stop taking it.

I mean its really just the truth. I don't wanna be on opiates for 10 years then stop, and find myself depressed for another 5 years. I wanna stop as soon as I can and just leave this life behind me. Go on to bigger and better things. Its both money and the lifestyle for me, but moreso the lifestyle I think.

 

[xburtonchic]

I always ask this question: Are you guys quitting the drugs because it cost too much money & its hurting the wallet or are you guys fed up with the whole drug life?

The money was never an issue for me. I'm just tired of being dependent on a chemical just to function day to day... plus, just because I don't necessarily feel it NOW doesn't mean it isn't taking a toll on my body.