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I'm very sad right now and I don't know what to do.

E

Emily29707

Bluelighter
Joined
May 14, 2012
Messages
71
Location
Lancaster, SC
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I'm not welcome at my family's house. It's all my fault. I'm a junkie. I've had opportunities to quit but I've passed them all up. So I understand that I'm to blame for all this. It's just that this is the first real family event that has come up since I've started doing drugs. And as it gets closer I'm really starting to feel horribly sad.

The thing is that I dn't want to quit. I love heroin. What is wrong with me? How did I get here? Why didn't I listen?

I'm not really asking for answers. I know what the answers are. I think what I'm really asking is how do those of you who are junkies like me cope with the holidays? Besides getting high- that's a given. Does it get easier?

I aplogize if this wasn't the appropriate forum for this post. Feel free to move it if it belongs someplace else.
 
Holidays make me extremely sad.

If my family knew they would more than likely have a similar reaction. What I do now is lie and hide my secret. It's not easy. It eats me alive.
 
Why won't your family just let you be there? I know that everyone's family is different, but my family didn't treat me like the outcast junkie that I am during the holidays. It's very damaging to your own self esteem to be excluded from family events. You have the DESIRE to stop using..that's huge! That's a big deal!

Has your family told you "NO" after you asked them if you could be present for this holiday OR are you just assuming they won't let you be there? Find out, and if it turns out they really just don't want you there, then speak to them before the next holiday in December and ask them if they could please just include you next time. I wish you the best, girl <3
 
I know how you feel. because of alcohol, i've been away from many family functions. but in the end, the family will outweight the continuous cycle of dope use. that's how it was for me, i got tired of being excluded.
 
i feel for you,i would be so miserable if i was excluded from my family,ur not alone,everyone here has awful things to be sad about.addiction is such a disease.i ccope that way too,take a few downers so i dont feel the pain.
 
Family > Heroin...

but, still, during my habit, I would at times do things like ditch my family to go cop, or ignore my family's phone calls if I was high, because my habit was so fucking out of control that it may have appeared that I cared more about heroin. I may have sacrificed a lot for heroin, but when it really boils down to it, my family is FAR more important. I think that most people would say that family is more important than heroin (assuming a healthy relationship exists between the family and the user), but more than many addicts have done terrible things during their active addiction that have hurt/endangered their family.
 
i'm sorry your family doesn't want you around i'm a junkie but my family still likes having me around but i'm not close to most of them just my dad and g pa whom i live with and would do anything for even quit drugs if it were absolutely necessary
 
sorry about your situation emily
i wasnt aloud at my grandparents for a while, because they were afraid id steal from them..sadly

puts you down, when your already down on yourself enough because of drugs.
like someone above said, pain and suffering lets you know you still have fight in you.

the only point of a drug addicts life where it can get easy, is death.

Stay fienin, its tough
Get clean, even tougher

whenever i question myself, and if i still got it in me..i think of these lyrics from a song i like

This is the point from which I will die or succeed
Living the struggle, I know I'm alive when I bleed
Click to expand...

just think of everything down the road, all the happy times your going to have
everyones on a track to happiness, some of us just get their faster
thats what i do when i dont think i can take it, i say "Yo just wait a couple years..all the happiness you'll have...you dont wanna miss that do you?"

keep your head up man, things will get better :)
im a month clean, and i already have such a redefined look on life...its crazy.. and youll get here too
 
^Opium, you are such a great guy.:) <3

Emily, I am really sorry for your situation. Addiction is horrible. It divides families and everyone suffers. Addiction is a disease. It is not your fault and yet you ultimately have to be the one to gain control of the symptoms--that is a confusing place to be. I wish there were free counseling for families on how to deal with addiction.<3
 
It kills me to do this because the only 4 people i love in this world are my family and i just make them think its just weed and im over my addictions to benzos. Also even though ive beeb clean from stims for 5 years I want them just as much and im sure they think im past that. Far from from it. The older i get the more i realize life if pointless and the more i just want drugs.

So i just lie. Lie to myself that my addictions to benzos arnt coming back and im falling back into old 20 year old habits. Lie to my family about my problems and say im fine and they beilive me because im far better then i was 5 years ago. Strung out and arrested all the time...Now im a f functional drug addict :) life is better this way.

Just tell them your clean and be ultra cautious about being sloppy and getting caught. CONVINCE them you are clean. Maybe give it up for a month and they will see this and think its for good. Then u have the bonus of not being hooked and can recreationally use.
 
Thanks everyone for your kind words. Just to make it clear, my family aren't a bunch of hateful rotten people. I know they love me. But they've made it clear that unless I'm sober they don't want me around. They've offered help and support. I've turned it down. I'm just not ready to give it up yet even though I know it will someday get really bad.

I just needed to vent a bit and I knew that there would be people here on bluelight that would understand.
 
Emily29707 said:
Thanks everyone for your kind words. Just to make it clear, my family aren't a bunch of hateful rotten people. I know they love me. But they've made it clear that unless I'm sober they don't want me around. They've offered help and support. I've turned it down. I'm just not ready to give it up yet even though I know it will someday get really bad.

I just needed to vent a bit and I knew that there would be people here on bluelight that would understand.
Click to expand...

Think of all the people that don't have all that support and give it all up on their own because it will benifit their lives.

I know its hard to think about the big picture but try to or you will end up without the offers of help anymore, alone, in prison or the grave. Man I should take my own advice....
 
If your still able to function in sober day to day life then why not try and make somebody else feel happy. Do you have any shelters / soup kitchens etc close by that could do with an extra set of hands for the day (or longer)? Sometimes just feeling like you have made a difference can make you feel happy and appreciated :).

Sometimes the 'tough love' that families offer can help but it can, as in your case, make you feel more isolated than they are probably aware of.

Good luck :)
 
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