I'm too depressed to get out of my situation

[snazzy_sn]

How I came to be homeless, penniless, alone, and terribly depressed is an amazing story but it ends here.
Living with my best friend and three other stoners in a tiny, filthy apartment. Sleeping on a sofa cushion on the living room floor.
Eating their food, smoking their cigarettes. They're gonna get tired of it soon.
My mom gets off house arrest tomorrow, but I overdosed in her apartment a few weeks ago and she doesn't trust me yet.
My possessions consist of a backpack full of clothes, an odd assortment of nick nacks, and my laptop.
I went to my sixth drug rehab last two weeks ago, but left when I realized people were selling drugs and all anyone cared about was their politics.
I haven't taken drugs in three days, so my depression isn't because of that.
I was gonna go out and look for a job today, but I have no clean clothes and no money for laundry. No money for bus fare.
The video games and the anime and the DXM and the weed are getting old.

I could improve my situation, but I'm too depressed.
I have nobody to talk to, my friends here are fine, but they resent me, and they're not mentally on the level.
Probably why I've spent so much time on Bluelight soon.

Somebody tell me what to do.

 

[painenduser]

Well to be painfully honest, you need to clean yourself up. Kick the drugs, and start making amends to people. Unfortunately since it didn't take you over night to get where you are now, it's not going to get fixed and go away overnight either. It's going to take time and a lot of hard work on your part to get people to trust you and believe in you again.

I know that what I said and how I said it may sound cold, harsh, and without compassion, but I assure you that that couldn't be further from the truth. It is the cold hard facts my man. If you want things to change, they have to start with you. You are the one that has to take your rehab and your sobriety serious before you can expect anything you listed above to become better, otherwise, shortly after things will fall right back to the way they are now. It sounds to me that you are making a half hearted attempt to get some help. Again I know this sounds like I am being cold, but I have been around the block a few times and while I do see that you are reaching out, you sound more desperate then willing or wanting to actually do anything about it. Your sobriety is a very serious deal and the things you listed become consequences of those actions. I truly hope that you are serious about getting some help, and I hope to the heavens that I am wrong about my feelings here, but I want to hear and know that you are totally serious about getting there. I want to know that you are willing to seriously make some changes in your life and you need to understand that it will not happen right away and you must take it ONE step at a time... Which means that while you want all of the above to go away, you want your family and friends to trust you again and not pissing your friends off by being a doorstop, your going to have to start with your sobriety my friend. That all start with you perhaps going back to a rehab and starting all over again.

I honestly wish you the best of luck, and I hope that you can find some inspiration to get yourself together, however, if your life being as it is, is not enough motivation for you to start over again with getting cleaned up, there is much else I can personally offer.

You know I very rarely give stern advise like this, but there is just something about your post that makes me feel like you need a hard look at yourself and life. I want to see you pick yourself up and as they say, kick yourself in the @ss to get yourself moving. Everyone has it in them to do what they know is write. Keep hanging in here, read others posts, see if there are other people in here, or other threads in here that you may relate to. Take seriously the advise given here.

If you need more specific ideas on how to accomplish these things, feel free to ask. Don't be afraid to become more active here at TDS. I find just being here and reading other posts, relating to others here, and perhaps responding to a few, have really helped me alot in my sobriety and also incoming up with ways of keeping myself clean. In fact, for every day I am here, and every day I help someone here, is another day I know that I will stay clean and sober. I hope that perhaps this may happen with you as well.

Best of luck, and all my best!

Pain

 

[itsok]

Congrats on being off drugs for 3 days. How are you feeling physically?
Well, you seem smart and u have a goal. You just need some cheerleading and some small support. Are there any organizations that could help you out with clothes and such? Such as a Goodwill Store, and perhaps ask them for referrals. Or even ask a needle exchange place for referrals about charity organizations that help people like yourself get back on their feet.

It looks like you have got the right vision for yourself and have come to a sobering reality for a better future for yourself. Feeling depressed is completely understandable, but try to set a few attainable, tangible goals per day. And pretty soon, you will see things working out in a more positive direction for you. You will get the assistance you need, get a job, build trust with your mother, and be more responsible and healthy, and feel better and happier.

I know it seems tough, but you can do this. You are smart and have a vision. There are people and organizations out there to help you. Find them. Are you in the United States?

 

[Kudi85]

tell mom you love her and start to reshape yourself. Get some new clothes, get cleaned up in numerous ways and start looking for ANY job you think you could handle. Moms always come around, but they need to see and hear you are getting better and working toward a better life

 

[Web]

Yeah, they are gonna get tired of it soon.

My personal experience with depression, and it is extensive, is that in the end you gotta do it for yourself. I've been on all kinds of meds, did therapy, saw head shrinkers of every kind and even did a little stint in tha boobie hatch. All this takes you only so far... in the end you have to DECIDE to be in a better mood. All that bullshit people tell you about thinking positively, think happy thoughts and what-not... It's not bullshit. It's hard to believe, hard to conceive yourself being able to do this, but it's possible. At least it is for me. I still have bad days, had one today in fact. But this afternoon after a confrontation, I adjusted my attitude. Now I'm not whistling zip-a-doo-da out my asshole, but I'm in a much better mood and can deal with the presence of other humans without thinking about stabbing them in the eye with a kitchen untensil of your choosing.

And for the now, I'd advise you to not self-medicate for a while. It's irresponsible to buy drugs when you need money to take care of yourself. And to solve your laundry problem, try hand-washing your stuff in the sink. Worked before the invention of washing machines, still works now. Your clothes might be stiff as hell from air-drying and a little uncomfortable, but they won't stink.

 

[stardust.hero]

I haven't taken drugs in three days, so my depression isn't because of that.

You would be surprised at how long depression caused by most drugs and even alcohol lasts. Drugs have a way of making us believe everything else in the world EXCEPT them could be the culprit.

We as addicts feel as though we know our drugs, we know how our bodies act with our drugs, and we feel as though we've conquered them. We believe we are hardy to them and they cannot affect us negatively.

I would bet a lot of the depression can be stemmed from drug use. Not to mention the entire situation does not help you find the ambition to pick yourself up in the least bit either.

If you can I would push my pride to the side and ask your mother for help. Whole heartedly ask her and be honest when you tell her you are going to shape up. You only get so many chances. This could be your last.

Bluelight is a wonderful way to help boost self esteem and ward of depression and anxiety.

Goodluck to you and keep us updated. If you don't have friends in real life make sure to keep yourself active and communicating with others at least through online means. Don't isolate yourself. It will only make it worse.