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I'm the drug MOM

L

Lisann709

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 13, 2012
Messages
1
I'm the mother of three beautiful, drug addicts. This life of needles, hospitals, funerals, arrests, courts, jails, rapes, prostitution, boosting, disease, theft,pills, dealers, pawn shops etc....is mine! Some friends talk about their childrens colleges or awards....my baby graduated from a residential rehab at 16!!! she was still alive though...yay...I'm the proud mom! my middle daughter attempted suicide last night by shooting 15 bags of dope then wandered the streets till three guys picked her up and beat and raped her. I called the ambulance, she told them she tried suicide...they kept her for three hours then released her! What??? Now she's in Phoenix house for a year or faces 6 years on an A and B Felony charge. What a relief? Oh yeah, my son who is trying to kick heroin as well for the past 7. Years called me at work this morning...his girlfriend relapsed two days ago after being clean for ten months...her mom found her in the bathtub dead with a needle in her arm...kind of like mike...my daughters on again off again boyfriend and my sons business partner who died in my sons bathroom two months ago...on the floor though...foaming at the mouth with the needle in his arm. Oh...and how was your day?
 
never heard of dope making u foam at the mouth ,sounds like coke

way i see it u can choose to be IN there lifes encourage them in the right direction ...or hate them and be diiscusted(sp) by them and not be in there lives
 
Drug addiction is a medical condition. Environment, support networks, (in a word options) are what count. There is no magic bullet and no one is ever cured; it's a chronic relapsing disease.

Being the relative of an addict isn't easy; but life isn't easy anyway. It isn't about you- these things are happening to your children- they are not doing it to you on purpose, and are almost certainly carrying tremendous unthinkable guilt for what they do and have put their family through. All of this talk about inpatient rehabs; do you know what their success rates are? Abyssmal. Not to say some people aren't helped by them, or that they are a waste of time- but the numbers speak for themselves, as do the experiences of your kids who have been through them without the "expected" result. Methadone and Buprenorphine maintanence programs have changed the lives of millions of people written off by their friends, families, etc (many such people frequent this site; myself included). A number of people who frequent this site have been in such situations, done the same things (and worse, much worse) and have through individualized options and treatment programs become the people they want to be.

Drug use and addiction isn't a moral failing, relapse isn't a sign of a lack of willpower, and the damage done by the physiological changes a persons mind and body go through during active addition can be repaired- emotionally and physically- in most cases. You make your children (who are adults) sound like monsters out to just ruin your life and make you look like a bad mother. You want to brag to other parents what your kids have accomplished? Stop being passive aggressive and blaming them and get educated on the options. This site has thousands of members who have gone into either Methadone or Buprenorphine maintanence and started or finished college, got into a trade or profession, repaired or created new relationships with friends, family and significant others/spouses: or, most importantly, are on their way to doing any one or all of those things despite the obstacle that the chronic relapsing disease of addiction has done to them.

As you've posted; they look to you for support. You can be a very supportive and helpful force in their lives. My parents chose not to be; but I did it with the help of other relatives and people involved in providing treatment (actual treatment; not locking you up in a pseudo-hotel and delivering anti-depressants and anti-psychotics to 'cure you'). Not everyone has someone they can go to. That's a great start. As long as they're alive it isn't ever too late. No one is 'unredeemable'.
 
Tchort said:
Drug addiction is a medical condition. Environment, support networks, (in a word options) are what count. There is no magic bullet and no one is ever cured; it's a chronic relapsing disease.

Being the relative of an addict isn't easy; but life isn't easy anyway. It isn't about you- these things are happening to your children- they are not doing it to you on purpose, and are almost certainly carrying tremendous unthinkable guilt for what they do and have put their family through. All of this talk about inpatient rehabs; do you know what their success rates are? Abyssmal. Not to say some people aren't helped by them, or that they are a waste of time- but the numbers speak for themselves, as do the experiences of your kids who have been through them without the "expected" result. Methadone and Buprenorphine maintanence programs have changed the lives of millions of people written off by their friends, families, etc (many such people frequent this site; myself included). A number of people who frequent this site have been in such situations, done the same things (and worse, much worse) and have through individualized options and treatment programs become the people they want to be.

Drug use and addiction isn't a moral failing, relapse isn't a sign of a lack of willpower, and the damage done by the physiological changes a persons mind and body go through during active addition can be repaired- emotionally and physically- in most cases. You make your children (who are adults) sound like monsters out to just ruin your life and make you look like a bad mother. You want to brag to other parents what your kids have accomplished? Stop being passive aggressive and blaming them and get educated on the options. This site has thousands of members who have gone into either Methadone or Buprenorphine maintanence and started or finished college, got into a trade or profession, repaired or created new relationships with friends, family and significant others/spouses: or, most importantly, are on their way to doing any one or all of those things despite the obstacle that the chronic relapsing disease of addiction has done to them.

As you've posted; they look to you for support. You can be a very supportive and helpful force in their lives. My parents chose not to be; but I did it with the help of other relatives and people involved in providing treatment (actual treatment; not locking you up in a pseudo-hotel and delivering anti-depressants and anti-psychotics to 'cure you'). Not everyone has someone they can go to. That's a great start. As long as they're alive it isn't ever too late. No one is 'unredeemable'.
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Excellent post Tchort. It's nice to see more people thinking this way.

I hope you, Lisann, are able to find some support for what you and your children are going through. It is easy to feel alone sometimes, but you are definitely not alone. There are a lot of addicts, "recovering" or "former" addicts, or whatever term you want to use, family members of drug users and other friendly knowledgable people on these forums that can offer you some empathy and support and help you understand what your kids are going through and some of the ways you can help them. Showing compassion is the number one way you can help them in my opinion. You can't force someone to get clean and prison is not the answer (plus people often come out with a bigger drug habit than when they went in). I wish you the best of luck. I was a heroin addict for 10 years - let me know if you ever want to talk or have any questions. Take care.
 
I cried reading your post. I was the heroin addicted child for 9 years. I'm clean from heroin now (4 years and 4 months). I can't imagine what I put my mom through but, please I beg you don't give up on your children. You are the only strength they have left and that is something I do know from experience. Having children is the true for better or worse through SICKNESS or health till death do us part (Marriage can't compare).

There is a beautiful inspiring woman with the user name of herbavore, she is the moderator of THE DARK SIDE; she has lost her son to addiction; I urge you to contact her for support or atlteast read some of her posts. Hang in there please!
 
Welcome to Bluelight, Lisann.

You are an incredibly strong person to deal with what you have and not give up on life. Cheers. This is going to be sent to The Dark Side. You will receive great counsel there.

Keep doing whatever you can for your children. Always show them love and continue to be a good example for them. Do not give up. They may come around yet.

<3
 
Hi Lisann, Wow hun, what a life eh?...As mentioned earlier, Herbavore over on the Dark Side could give you a boost and help you. She is a lovely caring compassionate being who has been there in the "mothers role"...The Dark Side is a wonderful wonderful place to share your life. You will be welcomed with open arms hun...Remember mate, You are not alone............<3
 
Sorry to hear that lisaan..

Maybe point your still using daughters to bluelight.. It is here for harm minimization after all.
 
Drug addiction is a disease plain and simple. Would you expect a unmedicated schizophrenic to act in a rational manner? Addicts are much the same which is why you should be glad they are still alive as it is a treatable condition and there are more treatment options available today (depending on what country you live in of course) then there have been in the past.

Your not a drug mom you just happen to have had kid's who are addicted to drugs. They should not be treated as criminals but rather as people who have exactly what they have which is a addiction. If say your kid's where alcoholics instead of heroin addicts they would not be treated with the same disdain that society heaps upon addicts simply because alcohol is legal. Even though alcohol addiction is every bit as deadly as any opiate and it damn near put me in a box.

Your kids need treatment not jail. I have never known anybody to come out of prison a better person. I have seen people go in for relatively minor offenses and when they came out they where gangsters who didn't give a fuck about anything much less going back to prison. So criminalizing addiction is certainly not the answer. Granted I'm sure this has worn you thin to say the least. I really feel awful that your in that position as i have had loved ones who i feared would die due to a OD or what have you due to their addictions and it is nothing short of gut wrenching. I have been on both sides of the coin so i can see it from the gimme drugs now point of view as well as the calling a person about 100 times to make sure they are still alive point of view. The main thing is to support them but not enable them which i know can be a very thin line.

Directing them to BL would not be a bad idea as HR is what this site is about. Also your daughter sounds like she may have other problems going on besides being a addict. Many people become addicted to a substance simply because it gives them some temporary reprieve of whatever they are suffering from but in order to get to the root of the problem the drugs have to go or atleast be stabilized.
 
Directing them to BL would not be a bad idea as HR is what this site is about. Also your daughter sounds like she may have other problems going on besides being a addict. Many people become addicted to a substance simply because it gives them some temporary reprieve of whatever they are suffering from but in order to get to the root of the problem the drugs have to go or atleast be stabilized.
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Exactly; co-morbidity is so common with addicts it's almost a given. Everything from depression, anxiety and insomnia to physical or psychological trauma. So many people here on BL who have gone into treatment for opioid addiction are also on a treatment program or medication regimine for one or more other physical and/or psychological conditions. Off the top of my head out of the group of people I used heroin with one had sexual dysfunction (and he found heroin 'fixed' it), another with an eating disorder, 2 or 3 with chronic depression, several with severe anxiety (ranging from generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder to panic disorder), etc. But it's difficult if not nearly impossible to get 'at' these co-occuring medical conditions without first treating the opioid addiction.
 
Wow, this was a very depressing read... All I can say is try to get them help before one of them ends up dead like their boyfriend or girlfriend... Because they will if they keep living this way. I'm sorry to say that but its the sad truth :( I lost my boyfriend in april due to heroin and we tried to turn his life around so many times (his mother is even a substance abuse counselor), he even went to rehab and yes it did help. He did become clean but sadly went back to the wrong people and you know how that works.

Again, jail doesn't help but I understand why you're happy one of them is going there. To know she will be alive for now and not on the streets is good but you need to convince her to go to rehab... You also need to try to help the others out but remember no matter how hard you try the choice will be theirs. You can't make someone get clean not even your child unless they want to be. I'm so sorry to hear this :( also remember you must stay strong and not allow their actions to kill you as well (all the stress ect.)

I know how it feels to want to do so much but you can't. And it kill you inside. I remember being a total wreck driving around with my close friend looking around for my boyfriend (near the end he would disappear so much). Some nights I thought we would find him dead and I remember staying up crying all the time because of him. I finally had to come to terms that there was no more I could do but give him the advise he so needed to hear but if he listened or not was his choice.

Its so hard but you can't stop living because others are choosing to slowly kill themselves. Even if the people may be your kids. Get help for yourself as well...I'm pretty sure you have things inside that need to be let out. See a psychologist and talk it out. They will be able to help you out and how to better deal with this situation. They will also give you information on programs that may help your kids.
 
Hi Lisann, I'm so sorry that I didn't see this sooner. I can hear the exhaustion and the desperation in your post. I know where you are coming from. As someone mentioned above, I came to know of Bluelight because my youngest son was a member. He overdosed three weeks after his twentieth birthday, last May.

Before my son died I was exhausted, frantic, terrified and beaten down by his addiction every day of my life. Listening to the advice of others, I veered chaotically between enabling and so-called tough love until I finally learned to listen to myself. I reminded myself what I knew as a mother. What I knew was that my son was a fine human being and I vowed that there would not be one day that I ever forgot that, no matter what his addiction looked like. I knew that everything that I went through, all the anguish in its many forms, he suffered tenfold. I knew that I needed to remember who he was when he forgot and to hold onto hope when he felt it disintegrate in his hands. I knew that I could not alter or stop his path, that it was indeed his and his alone, but that I could continue to offer respect and encouragement and love. Things got a lot better once I started listening to my own heart.

The strength you need to stand by and watch as your children place themselves in harms way, suffer unspeakable harm and tempt death is more than seems bearable and yet , here you are, bearing it and even reaching out and writing about it. You are not a "drug mom". Your children are the same children you carried and nurtured and loved; and they have addictions. There is absolutely no need for you to shoulder blame, nor is there any reason to assign it to your kids. Addiction is not a choice. Neither are so many of the mental challenges that contribute to it. Everybody in the family has to accept responsibility, but blame and the shame it engenders are not only useless but often lethal.

What kind of support are you getting for yourself? Both Nar-anon and family groups through NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) gave me support when I felt isolated. Talking openly to friends and acquaintances really helps. Of course there is ignorance and small-mindedness and blame, but if we don't challenge it, who will?

My son had a felony drug charge a week after his 18th birthday. I used to accompany him to court each week where he and all the other drug offenders gathered to go in before a judge and a panel of probation officers. We had to pass through heavy security and the two young police officers were surly and cold and disdainful of everyone that passed through. As we waited out in front of the courtroom with people of all ages and walks of life, everyone downcast and locked in their own private hell, I observed my son as the beautiful soul that he was. Although he was always anxious before we actually got there, it was as if the rude superiority of the security officers brought out a reserve of strength in him. He met everyone's eye, greeted them, paid them compliments or made a little joke to put people at ease. It was ironic; in my opinion the two officers had been badly brought up to know so little of compassion and yet I felt unbridled pride seeing my own son show such a wealth of it. His outer life was in shambles at that point. Still, I was never a prouder mother.

So, while I feel your anguish and your desperation, try to hold on to who you as a mother know your children to be. Remember when they were small and you watched them do something really difficult? You saw the fear and the bravery and the return of the fear and then the bravery again? It's like that.

Please feel free to PM me if you would like to talk more privately or any time you just want support. <3
 
I find that when a woman has a child, she makes 'mom' her primary identity. She stops being the individual who has a personality and interests outside of that singular role, and often neglects all the other things she is to herself and other people.

Perhaps if you focused on the things you do well, and the person you are, outside of the context of your children, you would discover something great, and better yet, something you actually have control over.

People are a lot of things. A mother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a niece, a partner, an employee, a friend.. All of those things are great, but it's important not to get too caught up in any one of them. Try to give all of your identities an equal shake.

So, you're a mom. You're other things too, right?
 
Lisann709 said:
I'm the mother of three beautiful, drug addicts. This life of needles, hospitals, funerals, arrests, courts, jails, rapes, prostitution, boosting, disease, theft,pills, dealers, pawn shops etc....is mine! Some friends talk about their childrens colleges or awards....my baby graduated from a residential rehab at 16!!! she was still alive though...yay...I'm the proud mom! my middle daughter attempted suicide last night by shooting 15 bags of dope then wandered the streets till three guys picked her up and beat and raped her. I called the ambulance, she told them she tried suicide...they kept her for three hours then released her! What??? Now she's in Phoenix house for a year or faces 6 years on an A and B Felony charge. What a relief? Oh yeah, my son who is trying to kick heroin as well for the past 7. Years called me at work this morning...his girlfriend relapsed two days ago after being clean for ten months...her mom found her in the bathtub dead with a needle in her arm...kind of like mike...my daughters on again off again boyfriend and my sons business partner who died in my sons bathroom two months ago...on the floor though...foaming at the mouth with the needle in his arm. Oh...and how was your day?
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They need to be admitted. It is the only way. Please stay positive, it is the only thing that can get you through this.

Much respect to you.
 
With respect, there is no 'only' way. For many people that is the right thing to do, but with an illness as complex as addiction there are no panaceas.

I was waiting for Herbavore to post here, and now I find that I could add nothing else to the thread. Keep supporting your children as best you can, and keep nudging them gently toward a better path; but remember that they need to make the effort to stop. Once they've made that decision, you can help them along, but until then it is still their call.
 
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