I'm stupid.

[blahman8000]

What do you do when you're stupid?

I really can't come up with an explanation right now for how I'm feeling. I think I'm more or less a stupid person. I know that my spelling and grammar appear to be at least decent, but that's just me passing a 3rd grade English quiz. And I don't mean any offense to those of you whose spelling/grammar aren't exceptional, but in my case, I was given the opportunity to learn all kinds of other things throughout my education and from 6th grade on, I failed miserably. We all excel in certain things, but I can spell but can't pass an "Am I Stupid?" quiz on the Internet.

There is so much that I don't know. I was told my whole life that I was very intelligent, but I failed miserably in school and I'm going no where in life. I can't seem to follow politics because I just can't absorb anything, yet politics is the quintessential topic for an intelligent discussion. I can't contribute anymore. I don't want to just regurgitate rhetoric. At this point it's as if my interest wanes almost immediately when I'm confronted with material that demands critical thinking. That's embarrassing to admit, but I feel like that's what I've now come to.

My whole life I've been told how smart and capable I am, and lately I'm beginning to think I've been a fool to believe it. I think I'm stupid. I did horribly in high school. I did horribly at developing into an adult, or even a valid, self-sufficient human being. I do horribly now in general. Everybody around me seems so able, and I fail at everything I try. I fail miserably at even the most basic social encounters. I can't get it right. I say and do stupid things all the time. I stutter, I get nervous, and I fumble around my words. It's as if I start willingly portraying myself as a fool because it's easy to live up to below-average potential. I just don't measure up.

 

[RobotRipping]

Well who are you comparing yourself to? Intelligence can be measured in many ways and some people are just better than others in certain areas. It seems you are struggling with your emotional intelligence but many other people feel the same way. Intellectuals often over analyze their social interactions and constantly evaluate themselves based on how they see other people. The more social people who seem completely natural are likely not so caught up in thinking about every little detail. I think constantly trying to act normal is what causes many people to seem strange. Don't be so hard on yourself, no one is perfect, especially not all the time.

It's easy in this society to feel like a failure. I'll never make music like Coltrane or be a rock star or write something truly memorable and meaningful. That's something i really struggle with, feeling average and like i'm never going to do anything important. I also feel betrayed, like you, as a kid i was led to believe that i had great potential, would do something important and that i was special. The sad realization that I keep coming to is that I'm just a regular old person.

What to do about this? Surround yourself with the general public. Sit on a bus in front of a bunch of 20 something girls in University. You will feel like a genius afterwards.

 

[blahman8000]

Thank you for your response, RobotRipping. You've given me a lot to think about, and I appreciate it. Unfortunately, I just don't think I can express this right. Every few words that I'm typing, my mind is overcome with confusing, anxious blank feeling, and I just feel like everything I'm saying is a counterfeit of what I may have been wrong about before I lost my trail of thought.

I'm sorry that this doesn't make sense. Honestly, your post gave me a lot to think about, and I appreciate it. Yes, I'm being very hard on myself, and I do act strange simply because I'm trying so hard not to. But the social consequences of simply being strange as it is (and surely I am) isn't so much what I feel so conflicted about. I feel halted and limited.

I've edited this many times before posting, and I'm again losing my trail of thought. Then again, I've been drinking, but not very much. Perhaps I'd be even worse if this alcohol wasn't calming my anxiety. I don't know where I'm at. I appreciate your reply.

 

[herbavore]

Sometimes, when I am not feeling bad about all the negative things that come with age, I feel truly blessed to have grown up in the 50's and 60's when being average was simply fine. The unbelievable pressure to excel, to be a rockstar at whatever you do has gotten as out of control in this country as everything else. We are now an OCD nation, obsessed with our weight, our earnings, the amount of time we are deliriously happy, our possessions, our image--basically we have this insatiable need to be recognized. When I was growing up this existed surely, but not on the steroids it seems to be on today! I feel so bad for young people that have grown up with this amped up version of success. I've said this before, so pardon the repetition, but what ever happened to the implicit honor in living a simple life? It used to be that being a good cook was enough; now it seems that you have to be recognized as being a good cook for it to count. That puts all the acknowledgement from within and places it in the hands of others outside of us. Being self-sufficient, constantly seeking knowledge for nothing more than knowledge' sake, creating meaning in relationships with neighbors, friends, colleagues and family and all the while, fulfilling the prime directive as far as I understand it, which is to be grateful for the abundant possibility that is life--to me this is successful living.

When you frame the way you look at yourself in a more positive light, much of the burden will fall away. I am not advocating a lack of motivation or drive to do things well. I am just saying that you are already a very smart and articulate person, you are compassionate and forgiving, you have insight into yourself and others---in other words, a very successful human being in my view. Being an artist has been an interesting journey for me. It is a strange world where you have to depend on outside recognition of your work and yet, if you dare think of it while you are working it becomes a death sentence for the work itself. You have to do it for yourself and not care what anyone else thinks and yet if you plan to make a living at it, you have to also pay attention to what others think. It is tricky to find your balance in all this but the most simple tool you can master is that of positive rather than negative self-talk. Even something as simple as, "It was not important to me to excel academically" rather than, "I failed academically" shifts the thoughts from dead-end to something to explore and learn from.

I think you are on the right track with your introspection. Try to always approach yourself like you would a good friend--be honest, be gentle, be encouraging.

 

[Pagey]

What you've described has nothing to do with stupidity, in my opinion, more with being overwhelmed by the standards you feel society has imposed on you. Lots of us have been in that state of mind, and I think what's important is to learn to detach yourself from those expectations. Too much pressure is put on every singe one of us individually. As herbavore said, try and see things in a different light, approach them differently, and it'll make a hell of a difference. None of us are able to match society's 'ideal' and no one ever will, that's why it's an ideal. Don't put that much pressure on yourself, you're only human just like the rest of us

 

[embers_fading]

What do you do when you're stupid?

I really can't come up with an explanation right now for how I'm feeling. I think I'm more or less a stupid person. I know that my spelling and grammar appear to be at least decent, but that's just me passing a 3rd grade English quiz. And I don't mean any offense to those of you whose spelling/grammar aren't exceptional, but in my case, I was given the opportunity to learn all kinds of other things throughout my education and from 6th grade on, I failed miserably. We all excel in certain things, but I can spell but can't pass an "Am I Stupid?" quiz on the Internet.

There is so much that I don't know. I was told my whole life that I was very intelligent, but I failed miserably in school and I'm going no where in life. I can't seem to follow politics because I just can't absorb anything, yet politics is the quintessential topic for an intelligent discussion. I can't contribute anymore. I don't want to just regurgitate rhetoric. At this point it's as if my interest wanes almost immediately when I'm confronted with material that demands critical thinking. That's embarrassing to admit, but I feel like that's what I've now come to.

My whole life I've been told how smart and capable I am, and lately I'm beginning to think I've been a fool to believe it. I think I'm stupid. I did horribly in high school. I did horribly at developing into an adult, or even a valid, self-sufficient human being. I do horribly now in general. Everybody around me seems so able, and I fail at everything I try. I fail miserably at even the most basic social encounters. I can't get it right. I say and do stupid things all the time. I stutter, I get nervous, and I fumble around my words. It's as if I start willingly portraying myself as a fool because it's easy to live up to below-average potential. I just don't measure up.

I feel strongly that you would gain much insight through reading the following news article:

http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/

Perhaps you were always praised for being "intelligent", yet never praised for your hard work. Academic accomplishments take hard work and perseverance. Intelligence certainly counts, but it seems you haven't learned that success requires effort and failure.

 

[xxsicknessxx]

I have met some stupid people who did really well in life and some smart people who are in jail doing hard time... lol smart and dumb are just words....

Really what it comes down if you don't like what you are fucking chance, make something else of your self and don't give up and keep trying until happy..
If your happy flipping burgers who gives a shit ? do it... if your happy in collage go, if your happy writing books do it... you can learn smarts..

*shrug* dumb in my book is giving up and excepting a worthless existence. That being said im dumb.

 

[theseeker]

I just don't measure up.

Consider this: An experiment was performed by psychologists a few years back where the subjects were given tasks to perform and afterwards the subjects were asked to grade how well they did. These tasks were set up so that it was easy to assess how well the that task was actually performed. The people who were the least competent tended to rate themselves highest. This is likely because people who are incompetent don't really have an idea of what it really means to be competent. They don't know what it takes.

You might be a lot more competent than you think- you probably have a good idea of what it means to actually means to have competence. It's just that- right now- you haven't developed the means to get you to that spot. It will likely take a little more persistence for you to go the distance- but that can be done. You can learn how to do that by watching others and asking for advice on how to tackle your specific problems. Just because you haven't gotten where you want by no means is an indicator that you can't. Even the most talented people have to work their asses off.

I always know when I've run into someone with no ability: they all think they're great. You are very lucky to NOT be one of these people.

Cut the self-hate, get a clear idea of what you want to do- then be prepared to put in a lot of work. If you do this: you are going to succeed. Get advice from people you admire, see what they do and adapt it to your own style.

 

[DooMMooD]

Nix the self hatred. Stop dumping on yourself, you make it INFINITELY HARDER than it needs to be.

I say this all the time: reserve judgments on yourself, for X amount of time (lets say 12 months). In that year, do not once call yourself stupid, do not once belittle yourself, do not pass any judgments at all. Because, a year from now, when shits different? You might look back and say "Wow, I really am NOT dumb, how could I have thought that?" Who knows, maybe you'll say the same thing.

But i'll tell you this much: you will NEVER change your opinion, your way of thinking, and your spirit if you keep shitting on yourself so hard. Imagine if Muhammed Ali kept repeating the mantra "I'm a stupid loser" to himself before fights, instead of saying the cocky, arrogant shit he did? Sometimes i'm jealous of stupid people because it seems like theyre always happier, because, as theseeker says: they have no idea of what shit REALLY is, no idea why they SHOULDN"T BE happy. BUT! at least you have an idea of reality, and your shortcomings. Do something about them!

Thats the reason i've been busting my ass so hard. I don't want to waste my gift: my intelligence. I've realized people would KILL to be where I am intellectually, and i'm sure people would do the same to have your gifts as well.

"Nothing worse than a smart man with wasted potential." Once again, theseeker gave some awesome advice: takes much more than intelligence to get somewhere. Takes failing, succeeding, fighting, crying, winning, losing, etc. It takes HARD FUCKING WORK, and perseverance. But, your intelligence makes your end game possibilities that much the better.

Just remember stop dumping on yourself. Believe it or not, but as I said, this makes things MUCH FUCKING HARDER! The more you dump on yourself the more shameful and worthless you feel, which translates into shameful and worthless actions and surrender and god knows what else. A cliche people love to say: life is 10% what happens, 90% how you deal with it. If you keep dealing with it by thinking your a worthless, stupid, dumb piece of trash, the rest of your existence will reflect that. STOP DUMPING ON YOURSELF! Never dump on yourself, ever.


Once again: stop dumping on yourself. I cannot stress this enough. Reserve judgement on yourself for 6/12 months, THEN look at yourself and see if you're truly as stupid as you claim to be. There are enough haters in the world that want to call you stupid, that want to stay all that stuff to you, that want to see you fail. Seriously, there are plenty of assholes out there who are more than willing to call you stupid, a failure, etc: why be one of them? Be your biggest supporter, not your biggest detractor. But, if you wallow in the mental state that you are stupid, that you are incapable...see where i'm going? The world will reflect that self loathing, instead of reflecting your intelligence and abilities.

If you don't think you're smart, intelligent, capable....why in gods name would anyone else? Fake it till you make it if you must, but to do that you must, once again: reserve judgments (on yourself).

Stop wasting your potential. This is something I wish someone had told me sooner. Sounds obvious right? But then again, if it were so obvious, no one would ever waste their 'god given' gifts.

 

[blahman8000]

Thank you so much, everyone. Your replies have really helped me out. I've read everything you've said and intend to read through it a few times, perhaps to get my mind state back on track. I'm pretty down on myself lately and I don't have very high hopes for my future. I'm scared that I've pissed away whatever potential I may or may not have had throughout my life. I've been drinking lately and it doesn't take much of that before I end up in a pretty dark place. But these issues, self-doubts, insecurities and fears never fail to lead me back to booze and drugs. I'm in a downward spiral and just feel totally incapable in general. Again, I really appreciate all your feedback. I'm grateful to have this forum to go to.

 

[kookiekaren]

You certainly don't sound unintelligent. Your writing is fine - even elloquent. I think you are just "blue" and possibly frightened right now. Maybe you can try to stop the booze and drugs for a while and start climbing OUT of the downward spiral that you feel you are in. Turn the downward spiral upside down and make it a goal of yours to reach for something in an uphill climb. Hang in there. Things will turn around.