"I'm still smiling... " dedicated to my x girl

[x eNiGmA kiD x]

I never thought I get here... being so many nights with out her.
I'm in a state of shock daily... not knowing what to do... I seem to get by though.
It's like knowing I have to go on... past the thought of theses lonely nights.
Her rejection hurt me less than her not giving us a second chance.
And knowing that much makes it much harder to let go..
It only leaves spaces for questions like: "what if"... but maybe I'm still in denial... who cares.
Sometimes when I'm tired... weakness within pulls and tuggs at me
my answers aren't quite complete yet...
and my lonely eyes don't seem to hide the state of nombness I'm in...anymore
I feel scrambled or neglected inside. I'm way past the faery tale illusions...
I'm just thinking of all this as a path of sacrifice.
I tend to wander off the into the crowd of nothingness...
with hope it'll be a quick one today.
and if someone caught me off guard.. I'd nod my head yes and listen, maybe just for a short while...
but deep down inside I'd wish it was "her" instead.
and if by any chance I remember I wouldn't do this anymore... think of her... you know.. completely.
I'd be lying to my self again... and it only leads me to be pained...
though her absence makes me a stronger person right now...
yet I want her more than ever... and love her more than before.
and I refuse to let her image in me vanish... cause that's all that ever made me whole.
and if by any chance I had another try... to be hers again...
might I still long for her... like I do every night... sure'ly I'd be completely gone. emotionally...
Now - is when I need her... when I can surely hold her tighter and longer...
now I'm weaker than ever, and ever so lost in the pain she causes by being away...
This girl caused me fierce pleasure at just a single glance, in another lifetime, it seems...
she was also the one girl that destroyed the way I view love and life
but faith is stonger than flesh.....
- eNiGmA kiD / Dreams
written / dedicated to L.M.M.
02 27 02 I'm still smiling...
[ 27 March 2002: Message edited by: x eNiGmA kiD x ]

 

[cherub]

wonderful work,
emotions and dealing with love are such a difficult thing, thanks for sharning and welcome

 

[Charlie Brown]

very nice !!

 

[Angelight]

excellent stuff

 

[E-girl]

though her absence makes me a stronger person right now...
yet I want her more than ever... and love her more than before.
and I refuse to let her image in me vanish... cause that's all that ever made me whole.
i know where you're coming from, because this is something i personally deal with every day of my life. i'm sick of people telling me time will heal the pain. i dont think anything can. maybe time can make a person stop to forget, but then i think, do i really want to?
i hope things turn out for the best.

 

[mashead testing]

Smiling is good!

 

[harraser]

wow, I only came into words today for a quick look at whats new coz im in kinda a hurry and I wasnt intending on replying to anything but this was so good I just had to...this is so close to how i still feel for a girl from a little while ago, as e-girl said, time hasnt eased the pain and I dont think it will and if I had to forget all the feelings I had/have for her just to make my days easier, I really dont think i could. thanks so much, this poem was great!

 

[lucky_charms]

sheesh, i can totally relate, just change the hers to hims. it's been almost 2 years since we have been apart, and no, time hasn't healed the pain, though i wish it would. i still think about him everyday. good to know that others are still pining away yet not wanting at the same time.

 

[x eNiGmA kiD x]

Lucky_Charms--- I believe true love does not falter through distance, time apart or anything else that can test it.
it's like I've moved on but then again nothing that has come my way compairs to her and everything in a way reminds me of her... it was too good to be true... a fair tale while it lasted then a nightmare after she vanished.
but I know my heart... I'll love her still after 10 million months have past... I felt it and I feel it still... I never felt this for no other.
maybe because we had allot of respect for one another and that's not common now a days... it's a conjuction of things.