Im starting to lose it

[Nas47]

Got of friend of mine,who used to smoke a lot....and fest with acid&psychedelicks aroound the Europe...well he got panic attacks from weed.....at least he told that....and quitt smokin' at all.onlybtobaco...i think he is feelin' better now

 

[BourbonMac]

Psychedelics can ruin weed forever for some people. I know when I've tripped often and smoke after, it's like I start tripping again. That still happens to me now after a heavy mushroom trip from 1 month ago. I don't get bad highs but it's strange

 

[Jerry Atrick]

Well I used to play guitar (not anymore) and eventually made some electronic "dance" music... then I realized I was better at drawing/ painting. I've been meaning to paint something or try to finish some I've started. Yesterday I told myself when I'd come home and draw something.. and no it never happened. I just sniffed coke and got noid and really annoyed.

As for your suggestions (which are great by the way) it's true i'd need an outlet.

It used to be the gym I was told my surgeon / doctor who told me dont lift over 30lbs):I went to the gym for likie 4 years straight (pre-covid bullshit) and painting.. (also some of my paints have expired)

I think it's cool how for some people, creative expression knows no limits. I spent a long time playing acoustic guitar then switched to clawhammer banjo as a means to continue writing songs and learning the new instrument was refreshing. It allowed me to find a different voice when I was being plagued by writer's block on guitar.

I've also done my fair share of painting. So far, most of my album covers have been original paintings photographed and printed on CD covers. I prefer acrylic on canvas. Have dabbled with oil but was very intimidated with the process. Hopefully you can restock on some paints and get back to work. What sort of media do you use to paint? Acrylic, oil, water color, something else?

As for going to the gym and exercising, I started Brazilian Jiu Jitsu a few years ago and loved it (pre covid). Not saying you have to do jiu jitsu but maybe some other martial art could be fulfilling. If you can afford $240 a day on blow, investing $100 - $150 a month should be attainable if you cut down on the coke. Win/win IMO. Most of my gym friends still train and I would too but I live with someone who is immunocompromised so I choose not to for fear of killing them with covid.

 

[psyfiend]

I think it's cool how for some people, creative expression knows no limits. I spent a long time playing acoustic guitar then switched to clawhammer banjo as a means to continue writing songs and learning the new instrument was refreshing. It allowed me to find a different voice when I was being plagued by writer's block on guitar.

I've also done my fair share of painting. So far, most of my album covers have been original paintings photographed and printed on CD covers. I prefer acrylic on canvas. Have dabbled with oil but was very intimidated with the process. Hopefully you can restock on some paints and get back to work. What sort of media do you use to paint? Acrylic, oil, water color, something else?

As for going to the gym and exercising, I started Brazilian Jiu Jitsu a few years ago and loved it (pre covid). Not saying you have to do jiu jitsu but maybe some other martial art could be fulfilling. If you can afford $240 a day on blow, investing $100 - $150 a month should be attainable if you cut down on the coke. Win/win IMO. Most of my gym friends still train and I would too but I live with someone who is immunocompromised so I choose not to for fear of killing them with covid.

Acrylic but I'd do mixed. Ink / pen. Pencil. Kind of water color too. Once I learned/ figured out there's no rules... not limiting to just paint (for example) than I was happier with the results. To be honest I can only draw what I see. Unless I'm tripping on psychedelics. .they'd just be copies or modified copies of art I like. I used to use photoshop to edit pictures and than I'd draw it.. paint it.

I like hyperrealistic and abstract. A good painting/ drawing on 8x12in paper takes me atleast 6.5 hrs.

As for mma there's not many martial art places near me. It's like karate. I'd have to downtown to find one I like... than it's gas/time/money.

After my surgery I'll definitely start training again it'll take me a year to get where I was.. I'd do like 120 pull-ups in 1.2hrs every week on my back day but yeah no drug ever gave me that high (endorphin/ confidence)

 

[psyfiend]

Psychedelics can ruin weed forever for some people. I know when I've tripped often and smoke after, it's like I start tripping again. That still happens to me now after a heavy mushroom trip from 1 month ago. I don't get bad highs but it's strange

Weed used to just bring back the psychedelics I did.. or wtv drugs I did recently prior to smoking. Yes I abused psychedelics in the past...

 

[Rainman1964]

I'm past mid 30s... actually I got my surgery date / hernia (not life threathning). I feel a bit better about this.. some hope of going back to my "normal" wtv life.

I got a job interview tomorrow not too sure how it'll go. Usually interviews go well... they're so desperate since covid. I'm not that excited about it I don't wanna drive to that area honestly but I'm so fuckin bored and poor might as well.

Actually I used to browse the dark side and read other stories. It used to help comparing my situation vs random bluelighters and I'd usually realize my life wasn't so bad.

This goth girl wants to cuddle later. I guess she'll distract me...

Hi there,

I am really glad you got through your surgery and are on the mend. Hopefully, you got to have some good drugs before and/or after. Myself, I insist on a good dose of Versed at least a half an hour before heading into the surgery room, so I can experience the high, see where I am going to have the surgery and say to hello to everyone who will be working on me. I have had about 10 surgeries, half just minor female crap, wisdom teeth extractions, and most recently, carpal tunnel surgery on my right hand. It has been over a year and a half, and it is still healing. I was supposed to do the left hand next, but after the painful shit before the surgery I had to endure, and then, the still occurring long healing process which has no guarantees, and I need to keep my hands warm or they will cease up, I decided against it.

I had five back and neck surgeries. The first one took 11 hours. There were complications and the doctor could not get a good fixation, so he had to "micky mouse" his work. All I know is that I was able to walk again. The following two that I endured was by a new doctor, since my first one was retiring, and he also did my two neck surgeries. He is the same age as I and we spent nearly 10 years together, going through a divorce and turning 40 together. He has since moved to Tennessee around 2010, and since I am finished going under the knife for my neck and spine, he has my blessing. Otherwise, I would have pitched a fit or gone to Tennessee for surgery. I lived about 100 miles away from him during our relationship and care, so I was used to driving abit to see him. He definately is the best. He was young and cocky and I thought "oh shit, this guy is going to butcher me....," but because of his youth, he was better and knew current techniques my other doctor didn't implement. I spent my 40th birthday right out of one of my back surgeries and remember flashes of cake and confetti as my sister brought a celebration to me. But the morphine kept me from rememberig anything good, like the cake! Basically, I spent my entire decade in my 40s have a surgery, going through the very long -- one year or so to fully heal and get back strength -- having surgery every other year. The first was in 98 and the last four were 2002, 2004, 2005, and 2007.

Now, I am going on day two waiting for my OBGYN to return my call to confirm her bad news voicemail she left two days ago. We have to do the surgery before the 20th in case my divorce judgment is entered and it is final, ending my health insurance from my soon to be ex husband's plan. I want to have the initial surgery under his plan before starting in on my new private plan. Anyway.......sorry I am rambling. I am just irritated that the snappy girl at the doctor's office did not give the message to the doctor I called a second time. She was rude and a snappy bitch and I was going to let it go and not say anyting to office manager about her rudeness and hanging up before I finished, however, not giving my doctor the message I left, which was significant, is an issue I just decided that after I write this thread, I am going to call the office and just kindly express my concerns about my message not being related to my doctor, as this is an urgent situation, and I cannot do anything but isolate in my office, ignore calls from my friends and anyone who is not my sister or my love, George.

I cannot stand interviews, Zoom or in person, it does not matter. I am too old and a seasoned legal professional to have to endure some of the new and tedious interviewing bullshit. I am posturing to apply to law school as soon as this health situation has been resolved, one way or another, and have been contracting with various law firms and personal clients since 2016, with a few long-term agency jobs peppered through out the years, and since this ridiculous and unnecessary "pandemic" that was completely used for political purposes and has caused the peoples of the world, at present, to show that there has been a dumbing down of sorts. To be more precise in my opinion, and actually a fact, the creation and use of cell phones, and other electronics, coupled with the access to social media and numerous 24/7 news out lets and the spattering of anyone broadcasting an uneducated and from off of one's mind information about everything, turned the masses who have never known life without these unnecessary tools show a remarkable difference in how they understand and react to social situation, politics, celebrity, and the Covid virus rising in a way that is unlike the generations of anyone born before 1990. I am proud to be a baby boomer, the last year, but still a boomer, and I know we our generation is responsible for our part of the outcome of citizenry's social condition and other, etc . . . ., yet, I can plainly see that the technology and the part it is playing in society in people's lives today is troubling.

Oh my God . . . I am just going and going, etc. So, in conclusion, get it on or do whatever will make you feel good about yourself, and might take your mind of yourself for awhile. Besides, folks who are "Goth" or are into Goth, have backgrounds and/or childhoods that will be worth tapping into. If not, just the interactions with a chick-a-rola that you might fancy is always good for the mind, heart, soul, and if it is a good day, others parts of your body and mind. If you get my drift.

I know, I am blunt and ridiculous, but a smart ass of the most kind mindset.

Hang in there. Think about how strange I seem to be, or the length and artistic literary masterpiece my thread is. . . . .right. . . . I am delusional if I truly believe this. Have a better day than yesterday by looking at things in a different perspective, or go back to bed and wait until tomorrow, if need be.

In conclusion, I like to leave some words I have come across in my love of literature and searching for the humor in everything in this life. Charlotte Eriksson wrote, "Find something you love and go for it with all your heart. No excuses, no plan B. Never settle for anything less than you know you can do. It will be hard, but I promise it will be worth it."

I will always throw in some positive endings in encounter I have with another human being. I have had the annoyance, sadness and displeasure of knowing, and unfortunately still must include their presence in my world in some way, the other human beings who leave with the stain of misery and negative impressions by words and actions. I have many faults. So, if I may end my encounters with kind and positive impressions and words to make someone laugh or think well of themselves -- and of course me (it is all about me) -- then I have put less negative energy into the universe and hidden my true nature of wanting to push people down on the ground and accuse them of stealing the fans and tubs for the fan dancing, gravy soaking fun fest I secretly conduct every Tuesday morning at 5:13 a.m. I know someone will eventually discover this treasure of an activity where the best wierdos and most intellectual weasels meet, soak and dance. (Don't tell anyone)

Someone once said that if something is worth the pain and worth the anguish, then just leave them writhing in agony. Pleasant thought. . . . . .

Stay strong. Courage!!

V

 

[Rainman1964]

I think it's cool how for some people, creative expression knows no limits. I spent a long time playing acoustic guitar then switched to clawhammer banjo as a means to continue writing songs and learning the new instrument was refreshing. It allowed me to find a different voice when I was being plagued by writer's block on guitar.

I've also done my fair share of painting. So far, most of my album covers have been original paintings photographed and printed on CD covers. I prefer acrylic on canvas. Have dabbled with oil but was very intimidated with the process. Hopefully you can restock on some paints and get back to work. What sort of media do you use to paint? Acrylic, oil, water color, something else?

As for going to the gym and exercising, I started Brazilian Jiu Jitsu a few years ago and loved it (pre covid). Not saying you have to do jiu jitsu but maybe some other martial art could be fulfilling. If you can afford $240 a day on blow, investing $100 - $150 a month should be attainable if you cut down on the coke. Win/win IMO. Most of my gym friends still train and I would too but I live with someone who is immunocompromised so I choose not to for fear of killing them with covid.

Hi Jerry,

I think your thread and ideas were great. I learned to do watercolors many years ago by an artist friend who has since passed away. I like watercolors because it takes time and practice to learn how to master a medium that will in even a small way, still manage to do its own thing. Luckily, my one and only attempt at it turned out to be an interesting and impressive (according to the few who saw it, and my blown mind) background of a dusky evening with a flash of lighting touching ground. Unfortunately, when my friend died I was living 100 miles away from his residence where the painting was hanging, with some of my other belongings and antique furnishings, so I could not make it there to get subject art piece and belongings before the family cleared out and donated his things.

I can clearly see it in my mind's eye after 20 plus years. Writing and studying/education is my best stress reducer. Nothing takes away any type of active brain cells that encourage creativity or mind wandering into stress inducing thoughts than the thousands of pages of mundane, mind-focusing work that is the law. If I do not play loud rock music like Disturbed, Sevendust, or bad opera then I am apt to start dozing into the first seven or eight pages, no including footnotes. And forget even thinking about lounging on my bed, or reading in any position but sitting straight up with noise around me of tolerable sort to keep me focused and diving into the world of what I believe is my calling. I am 58 years old. I will have 20 years, if i am lucky to actively practice as an attorney. But I do have a vision, a dream, and a complete plan with short and long term goals as well as people in place who want to be a part of my planned law practice vision, etc., that is either being sent to me as a calling by upstairs or downstairs influences the past 6 years. I am inclined to reveal the fact that my first encounter with my paradigm change to my entire being, life, and the people surrounding me -- deaths and divorces and such -- was not from a source that promoted an outcome of evil. Maybe my suffering and torture to push my brain to the point of exploding might be the clue it's not heaven sent, but someday I may tell how I know this, beside the fact my brain has not exploded yet.

The gym is the worst place once can go to avoid most common viruses, like the COVID virus plus the common cold, and other communicable germs of bad intentions because of the hand issue. I have always kept it a practice to wash my hands and be mindful of what I touch and try to be mindful wth other folks as well for many years now after I learned the hard way that it is easy to pick up colds and the flu, etc., at the gym because the many different hands that touch every surface in a gym. It is just a fact. I especially want to agree with your comment about spending so much money on drugs or other things that are not as good for you and your health and mind as creating and maintaining a regular hour or so vigorous work out program. I have been walking daily for exercise now that I am getting older and my different health challenges make going to a gym not the best for me now. But the endorphin release, even a small one, helps the mind. And my pit bull terrier has the strength of a bull, literally, and can pull over 200 pounds of dead weight with ease, so I must be on alert and be mindful of the walk. The muscles I use in anticipation of keeping her in control and also constantly training her properly, etc. has helped my strength. And who can say hanging out with a puppy dog makes one anything but happy?

I wish I had the time when I was younger to take any type of martial arts training, but no exposure to it in my childhood or young adulthood and many years of back and neck surgeries, etc., have put me on a path where I knew no one, nor came upon any suggestions about trying it out were available to me. I did actually inquire about kick-boxing one day, but with my bad back since birth and no real interest sent me on my way.

In closing, Robert Brault said it best: "Nature decrees that we do not exceed the speed of light. All other impossibilities are optional."

V

 

[Rainman1964]

Weed used to just bring back the psychedelics I did.. or wtv drugs I did recently prior to smoking. Yes I abused psychedelics in the past...

In the early 80s, when I attended high school, I loved buying a joint for a buck and getting high as often as possible. If I smoke weed now, actually when I was 35 or so, I smoked pot once and a great while. Unfortunately, it turned on me, or my biology changed to where I now will get the type of result as if I took bad LSD or something like that. I do enjoy the occasional edible from Washington state wen my love and I visit his family once a year and I get a full body high and laugh my ass off. I cannot do anything else though. My absolutely obnoxious degree of munchies, however, still lives inside of my body, and I will literally eat myself into a state where I cannot move. And I will mix shit like pickles and chocolate pudding. So, I rarely partake,

I have recently tried micro dosing magic mushrooms this past year because my sister has now traded alcohol for schrooming and she always encourages me to try her latest indulgence -- or addiction -- at least once. It was fine two or three times with my love at home, but a few months ago my sister and I went to a concert and did some micro dosing of schrooms. The concert was great and I was laughing and enjoying myself until it was over and I stood up to leave. Suddenly, it kicked in more than while I was seated and I had to drive home from San Francisco -- about 45 miles -- fighting being on the verge of totally falling into a state of hallucinations and inability to function, let alone drive on a highway. When I was about 10 miles from home, I had to take a hard left over a very high overpass to get through a junction and I thought I was going to drive right off the overpass.

Never again, I say. I used to drive all over town when I was younger, blasting music going from fast food drive through to the next with no problem.

I just realized that I really am not in my 20s anymore. That really sucks!

"Having to worry about whether someone is healthy enough to tolerate my fierce hatred or criticism before I decide to blame them -that’s what I call getting old.”
― Hiromi Kawakami

 

[psyfiend]

im tryin to get better. some days are ok. others no..
i wrote to my x earlier.. that i fucking hate you.
i was being nice prior to this, you ditched me so hard. i deleted all the txts. im surprised you answered when i called.. the further you distance yourself the more quiet you become the more we grow apart ther more delusions i get. I know you dont give you a shit.. i dont wanna beleive my negative thoughts. i feel youre mocking me.

i think youre a shitty person now even though you were soo beautfiful to me.

you said youd call back and you never did/ do.
im so fuckin tired of thinking of you. everytime i talk its liek im kicking the dead dog i found in the park (bads omen)

 

[psyfiend]

If u are in America difficult to comment-u got such a big legal weed industry-various products,edibles,vapes...etc some of them very high THC content....so strong stuff,but it came with stronger side effects.We smoke almost flower...hash is ralatively rare....nor consuption of ediblez or drinks.....little paranoia is common with weed,anxiety also could be eased or oncontrary....then u got a different strains affectin u in different manners.it early...still dark.....and i olready ,

well i do have an exotic collection of weed. like maybe 20-30 kinds? i saved from years and years ago...
i was the biggest stoner.
and weed is legal here. sin city