• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

I'm seriously considering killing myself right now...

W

Warped Reality

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 30, 2010
Messages
569
My life is just too full of unpleasant thoughts... nothing can satisfy me anymore... It all started with one fucking pill... Ecstasy... Ever think of doing it? Here's a tip... If you have any depressing thoughts... If you're looking for a way to make yourself happy... Don't do Ecstasy... Why? Because it makes it all better... I know that sounds stupid because... wouldn't you like everything to be perfect? I thought it was a cure, I thought my life was amazing... Until I realized that the Ecstasy high is fake... It's all fake... It's too perfect... How can such a little pill do so much good but at the same time so much bad...? I just want my life to be perfect... Like it is on Ecstasy... I have 50~ish pills that I was planning on selling but now I'm just considering taking them and slowly dying, in peace... Nothing could be more perfect right now... Life is just so worthless... But Ecstasy & Death just seems to be the cure for everything...
 
nah dude
1- dont kill urself, its deffinitley a horrible idea because believe it or not people careand love you, and offing urself will make them VERY sad.
2- i know what you mean about life being perfect on e, i come from a fucked up home and im depressed but i try not to let it bother me because theres so much more to life. everybody goes through thier ups and downs but its just a part of life.

how long ago did you do e? cause idk if you know but your supposed to feel like shit the days/week after ur roll. i hope i dont sound like one of those annoying "EVERYTHING GREAT I LOVE YOU" kinda people cuz i really do know where ur coming from. just ride it out and i GAURENTEE things will get better:) Merry xmas!=D
 
There are many resources to help you in cises like you are having now, up to calling emergency services.

This current unpleasant state will not last forever. Tons of people on The Dark Side have been suicidal or attempted suicide and are glad they didn't end there life. The illusion that bad times or bad states will go on forever intensifies felling bad but it is not true. Really, please don't and give someone a call and let them now how you are feeling. If you don't want to talk to anyone you know call a crisis line.
 
There's nobody left TO care about me... My father died from cancer when I was a young teen, my mother is a bitch who I think deserves to die more than I do... The stupid bitch got her boyfriend after me because I punched a hole in the wall when I was pissed off, then I was defending myself from him and well ended up beating his ass and now she's pressing charges against me...

btw plur4ever, last time I did E was about two weeks ago... But I've been abusing it every week for about a year... my brain is pretty much fried... I can't even tell if my emotions are real right now... I don't know if I love my girlfriend or not, I don't remember what it's like to love anything... The feeling I get, I always question myself - is this what it's supposed to feel like? I don't remember it. I have this non-stop mindfuck because of all of the drugs I've pumped myself with, I don't even know what's going on half the time... when I'm with my girlfriend I'm too anxious to even pretend I love her...
 
dont say that bra theres gotta be someone who cares about you. even if you dont know it. im very sorry to hear about your dad dieing, to be honest idk what its like to have a dad though cuz mine stopped talking to me when i told him i was gay. but back to you- like i said, everyone goes through thier high's and lows, but if ya hold on things will get better:)
 
People care. You may not have met them yet but people do care. I'm very sorry about your father and the tough situation with your mother.
 
If you feel that MDMA has caused your depression to get worse, why don't you give yourself a bit of time to recover and see how you feel then? Pleasant and unpleasant emotions are all temporary, they come and go, nothing lasts. Don't believe that you will always be depressed and anxious, there are lots of ways of working through this.

I would also feel upset if I was in the same situation as you. But please do give yourself a chance to find out that it is possible to feel better about yourself and your life.
 
been up and down myself bro -- it does pass , mdma lows esp if you've had a binge going can be real tough -- your head is not in a place to be thinking this shit through bro -- i don't know you but I fucking care , life is to damn short as is , losing one person we all share dna with is a loss for all of mankind. Hang in there buddy.
 
Warped this probaly won't sound real to you either but I want you to realize that it IS possible to feel happy and content in life w/out ecstacy. I know how good that shit feels and luckily I never got too out of control (maybe only 30-40 times my whole life) but it is an amphetamine and amphetamines are known to cause more damage to the brain than any other substance I know of.
Although E is a bit slower and insidious the way it fucks with your head. I remember the last time I took E and honestly I was sad for a few months when I stopped but you COULD have it a lot worse. I know you've been using for a little bit now but trust me when I say there are much much worse positions you could be in right now. Maybe just flush the pills or trade them for some pot? I mean you don't gotta make it a lifetime goal by any means. Just give yourself a break for a little bit so your brain has time to heal, you will start feeling normal you just gotta have faith.

As far as noone caring about you I think realistically when we're using drugs we don't really even give people the chance to care for us. I know when I'm using drugs I'd prefer for people to be away from me/nonintimate because god forbid I find a good friend who makes me wanna stop drugs and start living my life.. then that would mean I actually have a reason to stop using =] And I definitely try to avoid having those reasons, its the addict in me I guess.
Either way you sound like a levelheaded person, and you sound like you're sick of all the shit. Sometimes a crisis is exactly what is needed to dig your wheels out the dirt and turn onto a new path. Just hang in there we all know what its like to be alone and suffering, but people ABSOLUTELY care about you.
 
Warped Reality said:
My life is just too full of unpleasant thoughts... nothing can satisfy me anymore... It all started with one fucking pill... Ecstasy... Ever think of doing it? Here's a tip... If you have any depressing thoughts... If you're looking for a way to make yourself happy... Don't do Ecstasy... Why? Because it makes it all better... I know that sounds stupid because... wouldn't you like everything to be perfect? I thought it was a cure, I thought my life was amazing... Until I realized that the Ecstasy high is fake... It's all fake... It's too perfect... How can such a little pill do so much good but at the same time so much bad...? I just want my life to be perfect... Like it is on Ecstasy... I have 50~ish pills that I was planning on selling but now I'm just considering taking them and slowly dying, in peace... Nothing could be more perfect right now... Life is just so worthless... But Ecstasy & Death just seems to be the cure for everything...
Click to expand...



I was in the same situation as you, but i didn't beat his ass, i just pulled a gun on him and made him shit himself.

i would get rid of the x and whatever you do don't kill yourself cause that's bullshit.
 
Dude seriously, it's only been two weeks since you used last? I swear with more time these bad symptoms will subside. I've abused it twice in ten years, and the second time was way worse. When I first stopped, I felt exactly like you described and I thought it would never go away, but it really did, and I feel pretty damn good now. Amazingly good.

Do you have any hobbies or things you like to do? If you find some things to occupy your time, it'll pass faster then you think and you'll feel better in no time! If it's really that bad, you could consider going to a doctor and getting some anti-depressants, but time works well, I promise!

Hang in there! It'll pass. Fortunately for you and I, MDMA seems to be one of the easier hard drugs to come off of. I'm not trying to downplay it and say it's a cake walk, but at the very least, you are not suffering from a physical addiction.
 
Everyone on here has some idea of what it's like to feel the way you feel ATM.
Do give yourself some time hun, I know it may seem horrendous but it will subside a bit once you start to look after yourself with a bit of care. Things in life are Fake but it is nothing that cant be overcome for your sake and E's have exhasberated this. Be there for yourself, know you wouldnt be posting this unless you had that strength inside you. Let us know how you are, have been there and want to know.<3
 
I think it would be best to produce a plan for yourself. I would start with eliminating drug use, and producing strategies to overcome what difficulties you had before you started using drugs.

There are a lot of great suggestions above my post, and TDS is full of help and support for you. :)

Most importantly, stay positive and hopeful.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top