Mr_Fluffykins
Bluelighter
I'm Scared to Roll, and im Pretty sure i shouldn't be.
Well, i don't really know how to explain it, but i guess i can give it a shot. around 6 years ago i had a period of exstacy abuse.
This was a very volatile time in my life, grade 11, and my emotional state in high school was fragile. That summer i went on a drug called strattera, for adhd. It changed me, and basically created states of extreme social anxiety, from this point on i couldn't even consume caffeine, without anxiety, sweats, and such.
Now i don't know is my abuse of exstacy led at all to this social anxiety or not. by the time i was done using E, i would have to take 5 pills in one mouthful, for an hour long high, it was a weekly to 3 times a week thing, varying from 5- 27 pills a week. (the 27 is the extreme and very rare, i was a member of bluelight at the time, just a risky stupid kid thats all. after this summer cannabis started providing me with extreme anxiety, and basically a very reduced tolerance to the effects of cannabis, thats slowly getting chopped away at, now i can smoke a decent amount compared to what i could after 2 years of several times daily smoking, and its still very easy to smoke to much(ie, more then .1 in a pipe)
I tried exstacy a few times, afterwards, but the setting wasnt right i was with my ex( who was my girlfriend at the time) and she had cheated on me the night before, and ending up telling me, leaving me with that horrible feeling when your forced to feel bad on exstacy.
Later i had begun gaging in conversations about fucking E, and noticed the thought of it had made me uncomfortable, now i have even stoped knowing what it feels like, and can only remember the shitty feeling of that night.
its been 4 years since ive done it, and ive been someone doing it their first time, and sorta remembered how it feels because, people basically act the same, and i was anxious around them and had to drink about 8 beers before i felt better. but lately that anxiety has faded, more and more, and i dont gag when i think about it, im not in my horrible relationship, im back to working, about to start school again.
I do psychedellics almost weekly, but had been taking a few weeks break, because, long 2c-trips, leave my body worn out, and its hard for me to get enuff sleep that week end for going back to work, the past weekend that just passed, i was just going to buy DMT from the dealer, but she was all out of that, when she listed off the chems she had, mdma was one of them and i was going to buy a pill but she only had grams for sale and thats not something i was going to commit to , if i were to do it, it would have to be only a 100mg dose, i did snort a line of pure shard mdma with my cousin a few months ago, without negative effects, but i didnt feel much maybe a little euphoric, maybe a little energized, a very low dose.
besides that i have never tried pure MDMA, and have been wanting to, because i dont know if the pills i had been getting were clean or not, i had heard, back in thoose days (before the big piper and shit boom) that most pills in my area were clean.
Should i try mdma? is it to riskey? sorry its a long read but i had alot to say about the situyation and im sure ive missed some.
would 75mg be a suitable dosage to start with, is there like a statistical number that has been proven of likely hood of "loss of magic" being permanent
I am also diagnosed borderl-line, possibly bi-polar, with social anxiety, general anxiety, and ocd,
i know my ocd,had benefited from the E i had taken, as while on it i could lie on any bed sheets not just my own flece onces where you couldnt see all the little dead skin, and dirty specs that acumulated, and are less likely to feel it, on E i just wouldnt care, and it felt good.
Nut my borderline, had there been any interactions between borderlines, and mdma, what about bipolar?
i was on lamtrigine for about three months, and on risperidone for about 2 months(low dose 1mg), but i have been off medication since march.
I guess The bottom line is, as i used to say, when i a was a little grade 11er, should i reunite with my ex-stacy(noo, i dont wanna do pressed pills i wanna do pure mdma )
thanks for your time, its been awhile since i posted in ED, ive been using other parts of the site.
Well, i don't really know how to explain it, but i guess i can give it a shot. around 6 years ago i had a period of exstacy abuse.
This was a very volatile time in my life, grade 11, and my emotional state in high school was fragile. That summer i went on a drug called strattera, for adhd. It changed me, and basically created states of extreme social anxiety, from this point on i couldn't even consume caffeine, without anxiety, sweats, and such.
Now i don't know is my abuse of exstacy led at all to this social anxiety or not. by the time i was done using E, i would have to take 5 pills in one mouthful, for an hour long high, it was a weekly to 3 times a week thing, varying from 5- 27 pills a week. (the 27 is the extreme and very rare, i was a member of bluelight at the time, just a risky stupid kid thats all. after this summer cannabis started providing me with extreme anxiety, and basically a very reduced tolerance to the effects of cannabis, thats slowly getting chopped away at, now i can smoke a decent amount compared to what i could after 2 years of several times daily smoking, and its still very easy to smoke to much(ie, more then .1 in a pipe)
I tried exstacy a few times, afterwards, but the setting wasnt right i was with my ex( who was my girlfriend at the time) and she had cheated on me the night before, and ending up telling me, leaving me with that horrible feeling when your forced to feel bad on exstacy.
Later i had begun gaging in conversations about fucking E, and noticed the thought of it had made me uncomfortable, now i have even stoped knowing what it feels like, and can only remember the shitty feeling of that night.
its been 4 years since ive done it, and ive been someone doing it their first time, and sorta remembered how it feels because, people basically act the same, and i was anxious around them and had to drink about 8 beers before i felt better. but lately that anxiety has faded, more and more, and i dont gag when i think about it, im not in my horrible relationship, im back to working, about to start school again.
I do psychedellics almost weekly, but had been taking a few weeks break, because, long 2c-trips, leave my body worn out, and its hard for me to get enuff sleep that week end for going back to work, the past weekend that just passed, i was just going to buy DMT from the dealer, but she was all out of that, when she listed off the chems she had, mdma was one of them and i was going to buy a pill but she only had grams for sale and thats not something i was going to commit to , if i were to do it, it would have to be only a 100mg dose, i did snort a line of pure shard mdma with my cousin a few months ago, without negative effects, but i didnt feel much maybe a little euphoric, maybe a little energized, a very low dose.
besides that i have never tried pure MDMA, and have been wanting to, because i dont know if the pills i had been getting were clean or not, i had heard, back in thoose days (before the big piper and shit boom) that most pills in my area were clean.
Should i try mdma? is it to riskey? sorry its a long read but i had alot to say about the situyation and im sure ive missed some.
would 75mg be a suitable dosage to start with, is there like a statistical number that has been proven of likely hood of "loss of magic" being permanent
I am also diagnosed borderl-line, possibly bi-polar, with social anxiety, general anxiety, and ocd,
i know my ocd,had benefited from the E i had taken, as while on it i could lie on any bed sheets not just my own flece onces where you couldnt see all the little dead skin, and dirty specs that acumulated, and are less likely to feel it, on E i just wouldnt care, and it felt good.
Nut my borderline, had there been any interactions between borderlines, and mdma, what about bipolar?
i was on lamtrigine for about three months, and on risperidone for about 2 months(low dose 1mg), but i have been off medication since march.
I guess The bottom line is, as i used to say, when i a was a little grade 11er, should i reunite with my ex-stacy(noo, i dont wanna do pressed pills i wanna do pure mdma )
thanks for your time, its been awhile since i posted in ED, ive been using other parts of the site.
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